To be sat on the sofa crying again because MIL is a cunt and DH is a spineless little mummy's boy.

[BramwellBrown]

Sorry long but it doesn't make sense otherwise and I don't want to drip feed.

MIL has spent the last 7 years bullying and belittling me at every opportunity and can be really spiteful.

MIL decided she would take DD to visit a different Father Christmas this year, one of the expensive ones that has a petting farm with reindeer, DD loved the reindeer and said he wasn't a bad Father Christmas as it goes but his grotto wasn't as good as the 'real one' I usually take DD to at the church fair, where FC knows DD's name and asks how her dog is etc (and is my Dad). MIL 'oh for goodness sake you're 6 any normal child your age knows the truth by now, that grubby church hall your mum takes you to isn't real either, there's no such thing as Father Christmas and Christmas is just a made up load of commercial rubbish celebrating the birth of an imaginary baby.' DD is really upset and doesn't even want her advent calendar because she says there's nothing to look forward to now, I know DD was likely to find out the truth about Father Christmas soon and fully expected this to be the last year she really believed in him but I'm furious that MIL would be so spiteful as to tell her like that or imply there was something wrong with her for not knowing and can't even describe how angry I am about the rest of it, I'm Catholic.

MIL then came round yesterday with a huge shopping bag of sweets for DD and none for DS as hes not DH's biological son I told DD to pick 1 for her and 1 for DS and I'd put the rest away for later, MIL starts on about me being mean and ridiculous, part of childhood is eating sweets til you feel sick I mentioned to MIL how upset DD is and MIL started screaming in my face and calling me stupid, DS tried to stick up for me but DH didn't say a word, then this morning MILs just text saying shes picking DD up from school at 3.15, I've said not today, she sent back 'it wasn't a question'. as it happens DD has a school play this afternoon so I will already be at the school (MIL was invited before the argument but school plays are boring) So DH and I have started the day on an argument because I asked him to have a word with his mum and he told me to stop winding her up.

AIBU to think its not I'm winding her up, she's just a cunt and that if DH loved me or had any respect for me he'd step in occasionally, I don't want him to go NC or anything but the odd 'Mum, that's enough' would be nice, I wouldn't let my parents treat him like this and its making me question if i want to be with him anymore.

Sounds like you have had a lovely day. Lets see if your mum is right.

I also think it's interesting that mil didn't let him stay. Is that predictable on her part or is it a sign his backbone may be in there somewhere and he said so etching she didn't like?

And that's how it should be Bram, because your dad loves and respects your mum that's why. Tbf your better off without this knob, look how badly he treats his other dd. That shows you what a wanker he is!

Yes fanrastic Bram, looks like your doing just fine without this idiot in your life!

You are free to do what you want, you sound a lot happier

I'm not sure if hes said something to upset her or if its just because she's really selfish, she has a fairly new boyfriend who is much, much younger than her and the summons to her house have been less frequent since he moved in so i wonder if he feels awkward having DH round or something.

Mabey, it sounds as though mummy doesen't want him either, oh dear. Its no fun with a grown adult child in the house. Good on you Bram, you will come through this and you are

I know I am talking too much, your mum and dad and family sound absolutely fantastic as it should, so you have grown up in a non toxic environment surrounded by lots of love, and you have every right to expect that for both your ds and dd, if H does not love and support you, well too bad, you create that for your dc like your doing.

She sounds horrendous! I would tell her if she can't respect you and your children then to stay away. I would also be informing the hubby that if he continued to allow her to try parent you all like her own little family in some strange narcissistic way then he too can bugger off with her!

Heh. Maybe your husband will realise that he's pretty dispensible and might begin to open his eyes.

That comment you sent about her latest bf sounded pretty spot on!

Yes it is telling that he has not contacted you to try and make amends, he want you to apologise for your 'outrageous' behaviour. Bugger tgat for a game of soldiers.

Oh BB so glad to see you have posted....you have such a lovely family....your Dh I think may realise what he is going to lose....

You sound lovely....very brave and a super mum.

Well, it's all about her, isn't it?

leaving a trail of destruction in her wake & taking no responsibility.

Well, he'll doubtless be thinking that she has a good reason for not letting him stay.

Op, just remember how nasty they have been to & about your children,

Your son & you-horrific circumstances & they hold it against you & him

Glad you had a lovely time with your mum.

good luck with the interview.

My money is on him trying to wheedle his way back in within the week.

I hope you stand firm OP. You are an amazing woman and I think life for you and your little family will be so much better without Cunty and Mummys Boy.

Have read this whole thread like this but also at your strength & the love for your kids shining through.

I LOVE the idea of the lovely tree with all the homemade decs, I have a mixture of old pre-school tat & bought stuff from over the years & although I sometimes yearn for a co-ordinated tree, I do love the ritual of rediscovering old favourites & the memories they hold.

Good luck for the job interview, and remember if you don't get it it's all good experience that will help you improve for the next one. But I bet you do!!

I think 2015 could be a much calmer,happier and healthier one for you all.

Good luck.

I love my higglede pigglede Christmas tree full of home made decs, ones from my childhood, and new ones , dh feels the same too.

Op ultimately its up to you to do what you feel is best, but think carefully, and read this thread fully.

Bram, glad you had a good day with your mum. Your tree sounds great (I put out all dd's homemade decorations every Xmas too, including all the painted pinecones, which we usually find various of hanging around in strange places anything up to April!), though I used to be one of those 'tasteful' decorators - everything red and silver or green and silver yawn yawn yawn.

Elfycat's strategy sounds incredibly sensible, honest and straightforward. Clear expectations. You are aiming to replicate the family life you grew up with. Don't be sidetracked

Not too fully. Ignore the bunfight in the middle

Give it time. Not just for him to realise he backed the wrong horse cow but also for you to have a think too.

Have fun with DD.

I too think he will be crawling back sooner rather than later, especially since mummy doesn't want him.
You have been so strong op, time to decide what you want now

that was don't read the thread too fully.

You have to set a standard and stick to it. what really is quite a deal breaker and a big red flag, is how he treats is dd from his previous relationship. He doesen't bother with her despite her mum trying to sustain contact, that sort of behaviour is the behaviour of a complete knobjocky tbh.

I think that not bothering with contact with his DD from the previous marriage is a sign that he isn't prepared to step up to his responsibilities really, also probably a sign for the future :s (hopefully not)

if he doesn't step up to his responsibilities, it's still better than having enforced contact with that MIL. Proper poisonous, she is. Spiteful people and children are a damaging mix

Exactly Meerka, it shows his attitude and its really not good. If you split up, would he treat your dd the same as he does his other.

I'm not sure if things would be the same with DD, his other DD was from a one-night stand and he didn't know about her til the mum contacted him when she was a few months old, asking if he'd like to meet his DD, apparently she'd planned on doing it by herself then realised that actually she needed some support, still really shitty of him but I think walking away from a child he actually planned for, knows and has lived with for 6 years would be much harder than walking away from a child hes only met a few times. or at least I hope so for DDs sake.

He has called the DC to see how they're doing (on speaker phone so i could hear) he didn't speak to me apart from to ask if he could speak to the DC. He says he feels bad about upsetting me but that its not MILs fault and isn't sure whats going to happen but hopes I'll calm down soon so we can talk, he's also promised them he'll be at the school carol service next week (DS quizzed him)

Sorry OP, that little phrase 'it's not MIL's fault' means you're unlikely to get any satisfactory response from him, and as for waiting for you to calm down soon well I'm afraid it tells you all you need to know

When things are calmer (give it a few days) ask him why it is 'not MIL's fault'.

If he quotes the 'needs a good fucking' thing at you in any form, hold your hands up to the fact you shouldn't have said that one thing but you were pushed by 7 years of nonsense and specifically the recent Father Christmas/ sweets/ 'it's not a question' events.

He hates being stuck between two women, so he is bricking it and looking for an easy way out. Don't let the one temper-driven sentence you uttered become the focus for all this. Neutralise it and put the focus back on 7 years of problematic behaviour from MIL.

He's not suddenly going to become a warrior so talk about how you want to be a united team with him and how you want to support him in jointly setting appropriate boundaries that stop your MIL saying and doing thing that go against your joint parenting philosophy.

I think you need to acknowledge that dealing with overbearing mothers is a difficult thing, even in adulthood.

It might also be worth pointing out that if he doen't resolve this NOW, the same problems will follow im to future relationships because no woman is going to like this.

If he doesn't begin to see sense with that approach, he's probably a lost cause TBH.