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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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To be sat on the sofa crying again because MIL is a cunt and DH is a spineless little mummy's boy.

722 replies

BramwellBrown · 05/12/2014 07:01

Sorry long but it doesn't make sense otherwise and I don't want to drip feed.

MIL has spent the last 7 years bullying and belittling me at every opportunity and can be really spiteful.

MIL decided she would take DD to visit a different Father Christmas this year, one of the expensive ones that has a petting farm with reindeer, DD loved the reindeer and said he wasn't a bad Father Christmas as it goes but his grotto wasn't as good as the 'real one' I usually take DD to at the church fair, where FC knows DD's name and asks how her dog is etc (and is my Dad). MIL 'oh for goodness sake you're 6 any normal child your age knows the truth by now, that grubby church hall your mum takes you to isn't real either, there's no such thing as Father Christmas and Christmas is just a made up load of commercial rubbish celebrating the birth of an imaginary baby.' Shock DD is really upset and doesn't even want her advent calendar because she says there's nothing to look forward to now, I know DD was likely to find out the truth about Father Christmas soon and fully expected this to be the last year she really believed in him but I'm furious that MIL would be so spiteful as to tell her like that or imply there was something wrong with her for not knowing and can't even describe how angry I am about the rest of it, I'm Catholic.

MIL then came round yesterday with a huge shopping bag of sweets for DD and none for DS as hes not DH's biological son I told DD to pick 1 for her and 1 for DS and I'd put the rest away for later, MIL starts on about me being mean and ridiculous, part of childhood is eating sweets til you feel sick Shock I mentioned to MIL how upset DD is and MIL started screaming in my face and calling me stupid, DS tried to stick up for me but DH didn't say a word, then this morning MILs just text saying shes picking DD up from school at 3.15, I've said not today, she sent back 'it wasn't a question'. as it happens DD has a school play this afternoon so I will already be at the school (MIL was invited before the argument but school plays are boring) So DH and I have started the day on an argument because I asked him to have a word with his mum and he told me to stop winding her up.

AIBU to think its not I'm winding her up, she's just a cunt and that if DH loved me or had any respect for me he'd step in occasionally, I don't want him to go NC or anything but the odd 'Mum, that's enough' would be nice, I wouldn't let my parents treat him like this and its making me question if i want to be with him anymore.

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 06/12/2014 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BramwellBrown · 06/12/2014 19:38

Twizzle if you read the full thread, I have explained that DS' relationship with DH is not a typical father son relationship because DS has issues because of his father, I'm not going to go into anymore detail than that because of how complicated the situation is but I am acting on advice from his counselor.

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 06/12/2014 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Somethingtodo · 06/12/2014 19:43

Please can everyone ignore Twizzle - he she is hijacking this v sensitive thread from someone who needs our focus.

BramwellBrown · 06/12/2014 19:44

northern, I haven't kicked him out, he left me, yes I think some more dialogue would be great but i cant force him to talk and I'm not going to beg

OP posts:
BramwellBrown · 06/12/2014 19:51

Thank you everyone for the kind words of support, I've been awake for 38 hours now and the DC are finally asleep so i'm going to bed, I will reply properly to anything I've missed when I wake up.

OP posts:
CookieDoughKid · 06/12/2014 19:52

Can I just say OP.... Well done for sticking up for yourself and your DC. Your hubby wasn't going to so you had to. Well done and now mil knows YOU MEAN BUSINESS.

Yes, what you said to her wasn't pretty but I don't think any other kind of language would have made her get the message.

You're not to be messed about. She knows it. You know it. So does your husband.

I would have done exactly the same thing as you. It's fucking sane. You do what YOU have to do to save your sanity.

Mil can go fuck the fuck off.

Only1scoop · 06/12/2014 19:52

Blimey Bb so much on your plate at the moment. Hope you get some sleep.

Thinking of you Thanks

twizzleship · 06/12/2014 19:53

YouTheCat It's about using a bit of common sense

Of well of course....god forbid one should ask questions instead of just making assumptions!

inlectorecumbit · 06/12/2014 19:53

Bram l hope you have had a peaceful day and have support in RL. Your life has been turned upside down and l bet H and MIL are having a bitching session right now.
Hold your head high you have done nothing except protect your DD from an abusive DGP and a spineless DF. Flowers and for later Wine --just noticed the time Wine for now

twizzleship · 06/12/2014 19:55

Somethingtodo
Please can everyone ignore Twizzle - he she is hijacking this v sensitive thread from someone who needs our focus

No. i'm just responding to the comments put to me....

CookieDoughKid · 06/12/2014 19:55

Exactly, op you have done nothing wrong.

Mil is a god knows how old an -ancient mature woman. Toxic women like her can take it. She won't like it but she'll actually end up respecting you a whole lot more than her weak son.

CantBeBotheredThinking · 06/12/2014 19:58

Bramwell you come across as a strong confident young woman and considering everything you have been through that is brilliant. You will be ok, you will only go from strength to strength now. Flowers

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 06/12/2014 20:01

Hope you have a good sleep Bram Flowers

Somethingtodo · 06/12/2014 20:14

Take care Bramwell - you have done the very best for you 2 lovely children.

CrapBag · 06/12/2014 20:23

Oh OP you really didn't need to answer the cuntish noseyness about something that is no ones business but your own. What a horrific thing you felt you had to divulge and no fucking apology either.

It's disgusting that your H said that you are weak and pathetic. You are anything but. When I first read it I thought he had come to his senses and was talking about his pathetic mother for a minute.

In time I hope you will see that you are better off without these utter twats in you life (as much as he can be out when you have dd together).

Good luck for the job interview. This could be the beginning of everything turning around for you. Flowers

northernlurker · 06/12/2014 20:33

I have read the thread and actually what happened is apparently that the OP said ' he has til Monday evening to grow a pair and sort his priorities out or he can fuck off too' - and he did decide on his priorities and accordingly fucked off. I expect he feels he was thrown out because he wouldn't side with his wife against his mother and instead has side with his mother against his wife.

YouTheCat · 06/12/2014 20:33

Bram, have a good sleep. It will all be easier after a decent sleep.

alphabook · 06/12/2014 20:36

After reading the full thread all I can say is you sound like a truly wonderful mother and your children are lucky to have you.

Tyzer85 · 06/12/2014 20:38

Hi OP, I have nothing helpful to say but my thoughts are with you, you sound like a great mum and well done for standing up for yourself.

dawntigga · 06/12/2014 20:39

Hey OP have the best nights rest you can.

ThinkingOfYouTiggaxx

Meerka · 06/12/2014 20:46

Hope you can sleep OP. Agreed with alpha you do sound a wonderful mother

twizzleship this isn't AIBU now. Please will you just think about the OP and her need for support and stop bickering and taking over her thread.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/12/2014 20:48

Northern his actions speak volumes, tbf I think Bram is better off without him. Who ciders in a corner, whilst your child defends you against a nasty toxic woman. H has tge audacity to call op weak and pathetic Shock. He sounds as horrid as she is. He is minimising and dismissing his toxic mothers behaviour.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/12/2014 20:49

Cowers not cider doh Blush

stayanotherday · 06/12/2014 20:52

Well done love. Put yourself first as nobody else will. Please look after yourself and do what you need to do. A daily treat of some sort helps.