To be sat on the sofa crying again because MIL is a cunt and DH is a spineless little mummy's boy.

[BramwellBrown]

Sorry long but it doesn't make sense otherwise and I don't want to drip feed.

MIL has spent the last 7 years bullying and belittling me at every opportunity and can be really spiteful.

MIL decided she would take DD to visit a different Father Christmas this year, one of the expensive ones that has a petting farm with reindeer, DD loved the reindeer and said he wasn't a bad Father Christmas as it goes but his grotto wasn't as good as the 'real one' I usually take DD to at the church fair, where FC knows DD's name and asks how her dog is etc (and is my Dad). MIL 'oh for goodness sake you're 6 any normal child your age knows the truth by now, that grubby church hall your mum takes you to isn't real either, there's no such thing as Father Christmas and Christmas is just a made up load of commercial rubbish celebrating the birth of an imaginary baby.' DD is really upset and doesn't even want her advent calendar because she says there's nothing to look forward to now, I know DD was likely to find out the truth about Father Christmas soon and fully expected this to be the last year she really believed in him but I'm furious that MIL would be so spiteful as to tell her like that or imply there was something wrong with her for not knowing and can't even describe how angry I am about the rest of it, I'm Catholic.

MIL then came round yesterday with a huge shopping bag of sweets for DD and none for DS as hes not DH's biological son I told DD to pick 1 for her and 1 for DS and I'd put the rest away for later, MIL starts on about me being mean and ridiculous, part of childhood is eating sweets til you feel sick I mentioned to MIL how upset DD is and MIL started screaming in my face and calling me stupid, DS tried to stick up for me but DH didn't say a word, then this morning MILs just text saying shes picking DD up from school at 3.15, I've said not today, she sent back 'it wasn't a question'. as it happens DD has a school play this afternoon so I will already be at the school (MIL was invited before the argument but school plays are boring) So DH and I have started the day on an argument because I asked him to have a word with his mum and he told me to stop winding her up.

AIBU to think its not I'm winding her up, she's just a cunt and that if DH loved me or had any respect for me he'd step in occasionally, I don't want him to go NC or anything but the odd 'Mum, that's enough' would be nice, I wouldn't let my parents treat him like this and its making me question if i want to be with him anymore.

Bramwell you are wonderful, I will repeat, you are not weak and pathetic, you defended your family and stuck up for yourself against those two nasty and toxic people. The apple never falls far from the tree! You and your dc come first, tbh it sounds like things with h have gone to the point of no return as he is siding with mummy. He is not loving or respecting you or dcs? If that is not there, then your flogging a dead horse. Look to the future with you and dc without him in it!

YourKidsYourRulesHun

Twizzle bet you're cringing now...no, i have nothing to cringe about. i asked a pretty straightforward question and it was answered. For you to start taking other people's comments so personally when it has nothing to do with you is absolutely ridiculous.

What you said was absolutely disgusting, given the actual reality of the circumstances Hang on - the op said she's been with her dh since she was 16 but that her ds - despite being older than her dd - was not her dh son. So i asked straight up whether she was a teenmum or had an affair - WHAT did i say that was disgusting? Explain. Also bear in mind that nobody knew the reality of the circumstances until i asked - so quit the high n mighty histrionics.

How the shit did you come up with all that crap anyway, about adultery, and parents not loving kids etc, not that I really care about your justifications
So don't ask then! You obviously do care enough to take the time to comment on my post so i will reply. It is actually completely reasonable to ask/wonder why OP has allowed one of her children to be treated so differently from their sibling. All the focus is on the dd and the fact that the ds has been treated like second class for years has been ignored by everyone

OP stated her ds had a different father and it made me wonder whether there was anything about that which has influenced other adults behavior towards him and towards the op and whether that also plays a part in the op not standing up for her ds the same way she does for dd.
At no point did i say op doesn't love her kids - so don't try to misquote me or twist my words...my exact words were "Now that it was your dd turn to be 'picked on' you see red and blow a gasket - understandably so but why are your ds feelings and the way he gets treated by other adults not as important as your dd?" A question which hasn't been answered but instead you get all het up because someone dared to ask

Is it against MN rules now to ask/state the bleeding obvious as part of the discussion? why shouldn't i ask the op why she's not stuck up for her ds?

Twizzle, the fact that the OP had her ds very young (through horrific circumstances) has absolutely no baring at all on her mil and dh's behaviour. I see no relevance. You're just being nosey and judgemental.

You are not weak. You've suffered a decade if trauma by the sounds of it and yet managed to raise 2 children. You've obviously done a good job because your 10 yo is able to read situations well.

Your DH does need to leave. He needs to go and live with MIL and see for himself what she's really like.

Stay on this thread. There's loads if people here who will support you and help you through the next days, weeks etc.

Ignore people who want to drag you through the mud. Your reaction to MIL may not have been perfect but I suspect it was long overdue and it's done now so no point taking over it.

i'm being nosey - not judgemental. I was curious about something so i asked straight out. People need to stop projecting on to me.....

bram I am incandescent with rage on your behalf. How fucking dare he accuse you of being weak and pathetic? How dare he? Projection much?

Your thread title says it all really, MIL is a cunt and DH is a spineless mummys boy. Roll up your sleeves and start over. I am willing you on - you deserve so much better than this.

I also agree with PP who say he will be back as he will expect you to get back in your box and behave yourself once you have "got over your little strop."

Wishing you all the best. Have a cunt free Christmas

It's shocking, the attitude of that woman is shocking, I feel your pain Bramwell

Bramwell I just want to hug you and hold you safe until your mum arrives. You are a great mum and person. You have been subjected to years of emotional abuse and its impacting on your children. Do what you need to do for your family.

Blimey - I am so sorry you have been made so unhappy by your 'D'H and his mother. I agree - getting rid of them both will be one of the best lifelong decisions you ever make.

He will try to crawl back - am sure of it. I hope you will laugh in his face, you can claim some very high moral ground then.

Bramwell, I just want to say a huge WELL DONE for standing up to this evil twisted notch and her ridiculous man-child son.

You will be soooooo much better off without their influence in your life.

Personally, I wouldn't be going to any lengths to encourage contact with twat and your dd.

I hope your Mum gets there soon. Big hugs from me.

YOU ARE NOT WEAK, YOU ARE STRONG AND A FABULOUS MUM WHO IS STANDING UP FOR HER CHILDREN!!

The reason the focus is on DD not DS is that it is completely my choice for me and DS to have nothing to do with MIL so it doesn't matter what DH thinks about that, where as DD is as much DH's as mine so I needed to check I wasn't over reacting about her.

Notch??? That should read Bitch.

Well, Twizzle, I think you should rein in your nosiness. Because of your persistence in needing this irrelevant piece of information the OP has ended up sharing something deeply personal and upsetting for her.

Something that doesn't change the fact that she, and her dd, have been treated terribly.

Your a legend Bramwell and most definitely NOT weak. Your H is the weak one, well done for standing up to both of them and I'm really pleased for you have such a good support network of your family around.

Your fabulous x

Does anyone know how to sort out puffy eyes by the way? need to nip to the shop and I don't want people to start asking if im ok, coz you know I'll bump into the world and his wife if I go out looking like this.

Bramwell you sound like an amazing person and a brilliant Mum!

Ignore the ignorant and enjoy your life with your wonderful DC.

You're even

Twizzle you are shameless. There was no need to ask the question. it's was obviously a horrific situation and Bramwell handled it graciously and you can't even muster an apology?! Pathetic.

Ice cubes in some kitchen roll...hope you feel better soon.

Wow...OP I am absolutely in awe of you. As with others, I assumed from the maturity with which you've been dealing with this that you were much older than you are (in a good sense!). To find out you are younger than me and dealing with all of this crap from other people in such a controlled manner is incredible. Yes, the outburst wasn't ideal but as pp have said, being nice wasn't getting anywhere and MIL needed some home truths.

Nobody deserves to put up with the crap that you have dealt with in this situation. Hopefully you'll get the time to sit back and look at things with a clear head and think about whether it's what you want. Your 'D'H is an absolute idiot and, frankly, undeserving of someone who sounds as incredible as you do.

You are doing a fantastic job and I hope that when DH and I get round to have kids of our own, I would protect them as fiercely as you have yours.

They're both horrible nasty people. And I agree, there was no need to ask that question - any mitigating circumstances like those you mentioned would not have made the slightest jot of difference to the fact that how they both behave is horrible, nasty and poisonous.

P.S. Have you got any cucumber? Failing that, a cold flannel. If you see anyone, just smile politely and say you're in a hurry.

There's always the 'sniff a lot and pretend you have a cold' act which normally excuses any sort of runny eyes. :)

Cold water splashed on your face, moisturise, cuppa, cuddle with your kids - bobs your uncle.

Cold water on your face then grab a tissue and pretend you have a cold x

Twizzle It has nothing to do with me? Well, I don't think the circumstances related the the OP's children's parentage are your business either

'It's just a question' I hear you say. Well, the implications you made are damn hurtful, and to bring the OP's past into the equation is to justify the MIL's actions.

HTFH.