To be sat on the sofa crying again because MIL is a cunt and DH is a spineless little mummy's boy.

[BramwellBrown]

Sorry long but it doesn't make sense otherwise and I don't want to drip feed.

MIL has spent the last 7 years bullying and belittling me at every opportunity and can be really spiteful.

MIL decided she would take DD to visit a different Father Christmas this year, one of the expensive ones that has a petting farm with reindeer, DD loved the reindeer and said he wasn't a bad Father Christmas as it goes but his grotto wasn't as good as the 'real one' I usually take DD to at the church fair, where FC knows DD's name and asks how her dog is etc (and is my Dad). MIL 'oh for goodness sake you're 6 any normal child your age knows the truth by now, that grubby church hall your mum takes you to isn't real either, there's no such thing as Father Christmas and Christmas is just a made up load of commercial rubbish celebrating the birth of an imaginary baby.' DD is really upset and doesn't even want her advent calendar because she says there's nothing to look forward to now, I know DD was likely to find out the truth about Father Christmas soon and fully expected this to be the last year she really believed in him but I'm furious that MIL would be so spiteful as to tell her like that or imply there was something wrong with her for not knowing and can't even describe how angry I am about the rest of it, I'm Catholic.

MIL then came round yesterday with a huge shopping bag of sweets for DD and none for DS as hes not DH's biological son I told DD to pick 1 for her and 1 for DS and I'd put the rest away for later, MIL starts on about me being mean and ridiculous, part of childhood is eating sweets til you feel sick I mentioned to MIL how upset DD is and MIL started screaming in my face and calling me stupid, DS tried to stick up for me but DH didn't say a word, then this morning MILs just text saying shes picking DD up from school at 3.15, I've said not today, she sent back 'it wasn't a question'. as it happens DD has a school play this afternoon so I will already be at the school (MIL was invited before the argument but school plays are boring) So DH and I have started the day on an argument because I asked him to have a word with his mum and he told me to stop winding her up.

AIBU to think its not I'm winding her up, she's just a cunt and that if DH loved me or had any respect for me he'd step in occasionally, I don't want him to go NC or anything but the odd 'Mum, that's enough' would be nice, I wouldn't let my parents treat him like this and its making me question if i want to be with him anymore.

Right well you don't need to make big plans, one step at a time.

So, first step, is DD up? If so focus on making her breakfast or helping her choose her clothes. Take it one baby step at a time. Don't think beyond the next one or two things you need to do.

But know that you are stronger than you think and have the backing of a whole hoard of mnetters who think that you are awesome.

Oh Bram

Sweetheart in the nicest possible way, if you can't / don't want to wait til Monday, if he carries on being a cunt today, then today is as good as any. You and your DC are the important ones here. No one else. You don't have to put up with any more shit.

Just a thought, but you might want to get this moved to relationships. It's pretty clear yanbu but, because this IS aibu, you may well get idiots posting utter crap.

I can't believe your 'D'H is calling YOU weak & pathetic...has he looked in a mirror lately?

Let him run back to mummy, you & your kids will be much better without the pair of them.

OP says horrible things to MIL.

MIL bullies children.

OP not the one who is the worst here.

I have just read your further posts. I am so sorry for the violence you have been subjected too. Don't ever feel you have to share experiences on here because a poster is being intrusive . This is your life and probably entertainment and something to pass the time with for them.

You are so so very strong to have come through an horrific experience and to have done it without support from your husband is incredible.

Your marriage sounds over but tbh you didn't have the marriage you thought you had anyway .

I can't think of anything I can do to make any of this better but I would love to send your DD a letter from Father Christmas if you think that would help. Let me know your new address if you think she would like it and let me know if your lovely son would like one too.

Take care. Remember you are strong. Not weak in any way. You are in shock. That will pass.

I think op's dd deserve christmas fairy dust and op's ds deserves a medal for standing up for his mum. They both sound like stars.

Bramwell, what you are going through is exactly the same that everyone who has split, willing or not, goes through: it is just the shock of the change.

You are not weak, you just got to the end of your tether and have taken action to stop such abuse. You will be fine once the show wears off.

I know you love him but he is not going to change, and going back now will be signing up for more abuse and your husband mistreating you in the future. He has called you weak and pathetic, you are not, but if you put up with this behaviour, he will assume that is ok.

See this as an opportunity to protect yourself and your children. Because this pain and anger will ruin their childhoods. She hurts your DD, discriminates against DS and makes you miserable in a regular basis. If you are ok and happy they will be fine.

You have a full network of support in your family, and have survived far worse than this. You will be fine and happier, just give a couple of months for the shock to wear off.

Tbf Itsfab, you're completely right that MIL bullies children but she seems to bully/try to bully anyone else unfortunate enough to be close to her. Her treatment of Bram has been disgusting - not convinced she takes any notice of age.

Bram, I don't think you're weak. You've stood up for DD. Don't beg your husband to reconsider. It's what he maybe hoping for. Let him go running back to mummy dearest and hold your ground as his behaviour is no different in trying to get you to do what he wants.

Hi op. and

Your posts since last night are so sad but also so revealing. This has gone from a strong woman standing up to a bully, struggling with a mummy's boy husband, to much more.

Bullies like to use a perceived weakness. You were v young when you got together. Now you're older and doing a great job as a mum (and working outside home) I would bet these things mean mil is upping her bullying to get control back.

I'm sure you're heartbroken that dh has chosen his mum over you but believe me, you would never win this one. A miserable life ahead with dh and that woman is not what you deserve. The fact that he has spoken so harshly to you says a lot to me.

Anyone who's read my threads will know my xhtb is a mummy's boy of a bullying control freak. We're going through dv. Been worst year but actually I know there is hope for a happy future now and I didn't feel that hope in my marriage. If he can switch off his feelings for you so easily, he is a damaged person who will emotionally abuse and damage you the longer you are with him.

Cuddle that lovely ds of yours and dd, and be kind to yourself today. X

Mum is coming round at luchtime.

DD has just got up so we have some toast and are watching cbeebies while snuggled up under a duvet.

Thanks for the offer Itsfab, I ordered some FC letters from the NSPCC a week or so ago and they've emailed saying the letters are on their way, so hopefully that'll do the trick

So glad your mum will be there at lunch. You need real life support.

You have been really strong. You are not weak but in shock. Please look after yourself and take everything one little step at a time.

Bramwell you are anything but weak. To be honest I was wondering when you mentioned the age you had your DD how your DS fit in so I don't blame Twizzel for asking. I was also finding it difficult to recognise you as such a young parent given the maturity if your responses on here. I know you lost your cool a bit in your response to MIL but your responses to posters who pointed this out was again very mature and reasonable.

Your update about your DS's conception is heartbreaking but to have raised such an emotionally intelligent little boy in those circumstances shows an infinite amount of strength and courage as a parent and a person. In feeling proud of him feel proud of yourself too.

You absolutely deserve to be in a relationship where you are loved, respected and supported. Give yourself some time and space and I have no doubt one day you will be there.

Please take care of yourself and focus on your strengths and your wonderful children.

Glad that you will have someone there, OP.

So, it's still all your fault??

Not your finest hour as you said, but you know if she can't take it...

You are defending your child.

What was ever her reason, and now as an adult, she's crying to her son

Bramwell, you are probably in shock right now and haven't had much sleep.

First of all, you sound like an amazing woman who loves both of her DC and is doing a great job with them.

Second, your parents sound lovely and supportive and I hope they will give you the backing and support you need. My DMs support was so important when my ex walked out.

Your DH sounds as controlling and manipulative as his vile mother. Over time you will be able to see things more clearly and realise that this is not a healthy relationship. Give yourself the time to come to terms with things and allow yourself to gradually heal from all the hurt. Right now you need positive, supportive people in your life.

Best wishes.

I don't really blame Twizzle for asking either, it is a pretty unusual situation and I know people get confused, you should see the number of fishing comments I've had at the school gates, football practise, clubs etc.

diddl, I'm pretty sure by now DH and MIL will have built it up to the dinosaurs dying out was my fault too, and WW1, probably WW2...

He might change his mind after thinking about it - although past history suggests not. But in any case you need to think about what you want going forward. Whether there is a way forward together with anti MIL conditions or if you have had enough and decide to go your separate ways. Don't do the pick me dance with MIL.

Oh Bram, fuck that for a game of soldiers

They are completely unhinged.

This has probably been said previously, but have you thought about looking into narcissistic personality disorder/ narcissistic traits? Might be worth looking into it. Unfortunately it won't do anything to change the situation, but it might make you better equipped in terms of expecting what is coming next.

Fwiw I'm NC with narc family members - it hasn't changed anything but it has made me feel less alone/ made me realise that it's not just "all in my head".

Oh Bramwell so sorry this is happening to you. You deserve much better and the space they leave then will be available for someone capable of loving you. You have heard from MN just how abnormal and cuntish those people are. It is not you.

bram you have your whole life ahead if you with two beautiful children. You have gone through more in 25 years than most people have in a lifetime.....you are strong and brave! Just remember that and don't settle for spending the rest of your life with someone who doesn't absolutely adore you and both children. Think long and hard about what you really want and go all out to get it. If it's not DH, your family will be there to help you through and you will meet someone wonderful when you're ready. If it is DH, he needs to fight for you, go totally NC with MIL and work on your relationship. You certainly have lots of MN supporters on here too. We are rooting for you, you can sort this. Stay strong and don't settle for anything less than the life you want for you and your DC

Love the way Mr Weakness personified accuses you of being weak, Bramwell. He really is right under his mother's thumb, isn't he? He's doomed to a series of failed relationships and alienated children until he realises that for himself.

Oh bramwell you are a strong brave and winderful woman and mother. Weak and pathetic, that will be your H who fails to defend his family, and allows a 10 year old child to defend whilst he cowers in a corner. Ha Bloody ha, the jokes on him. Now you are seeing him for who he really is, a weak pathetic man, who is a shit father and husband, who has another dd who he doesent give two hoots about. What pMumsnetters call a knobjocky. You can do it on your own and so much more. Think of how happy you will be. Get legal adrive, Mabey start divorce proceedings and go from there.

She is even more vile than I thought, and he is thoroughly horrible too. They don't deserve you, and you deserve far, far better.

You have more courage, strength and integrity in you than they will ever know, that's why they hate you so much. Who says such awful things about something so devestating to happen to a young girl, something which is in no way her fault? They're poisonous.

I wish you the most wonderful new year. You and your precious children.

Weak and pathetic?! You are anything but. You have (clearly) a wonderful son born through a bloody shit situation, and you stood up to that awful woman and husband.
Your far far far from weak, your stronger than they are.
Wipe the tears, head high, shoulders back and deep breaths. It will get better once you've got them out your life.
Interesting to hear about his other DD, I'm guessing mummy didn't encourage it?