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Original poster

To be sat on the sofa crying again because MIL is a cunt and DH is a spineless little mummy's boy.

722 replies

BramwellBrown · 05/12/2014 07:01

Sorry long but it doesn't make sense otherwise and I don't want to drip feed.

MIL has spent the last 7 years bullying and belittling me at every opportunity and can be really spiteful.

MIL decided she would take DD to visit a different Father Christmas this year, one of the expensive ones that has a petting farm with reindeer, DD loved the reindeer and said he wasn't a bad Father Christmas as it goes but his grotto wasn't as good as the 'real one' I usually take DD to at the church fair, where FC knows DD's name and asks how her dog is etc (and is my Dad). MIL 'oh for goodness sake you're 6 any normal child your age knows the truth by now, that grubby church hall your mum takes you to isn't real either, there's no such thing as Father Christmas and Christmas is just a made up load of commercial rubbish celebrating the birth of an imaginary baby.' Shock DD is really upset and doesn't even want her advent calendar because she says there's nothing to look forward to now, I know DD was likely to find out the truth about Father Christmas soon and fully expected this to be the last year she really believed in him but I'm furious that MIL would be so spiteful as to tell her like that or imply there was something wrong with her for not knowing and can't even describe how angry I am about the rest of it, I'm Catholic.

MIL then came round yesterday with a huge shopping bag of sweets for DD and none for DS as hes not DH's biological son I told DD to pick 1 for her and 1 for DS and I'd put the rest away for later, MIL starts on about me being mean and ridiculous, part of childhood is eating sweets til you feel sick Shock I mentioned to MIL how upset DD is and MIL started screaming in my face and calling me stupid, DS tried to stick up for me but DH didn't say a word, then this morning MILs just text saying shes picking DD up from school at 3.15, I've said not today, she sent back 'it wasn't a question'. as it happens DD has a school play this afternoon so I will already be at the school (MIL was invited before the argument but school plays are boring) So DH and I have started the day on an argument because I asked him to have a word with his mum and he told me to stop winding her up.

AIBU to think its not I'm winding her up, she's just a cunt and that if DH loved me or had any respect for me he'd step in occasionally, I don't want him to go NC or anything but the odd 'Mum, that's enough' would be nice, I wouldn't let my parents treat him like this and its making me question if i want to be with him anymore.

OP posts:
Bulbasaur · 06/12/2014 06:48

Sad Standing up for yourself and your child doesn't make you weak or pathetic. In fact it makes you the opposite.

Flowers
Enjoyingmycoffee1981 · 06/12/2014 06:49

Bramwell, I am so so sorry.

LineRunner · 06/12/2014 06:50

Bramwell, you are carrying all almighty load of grief and stress and I would like very much to think you are able to access some RL help and support.

ArsenicSoup · 06/12/2014 06:52

DH has made his decision, he says he can't love someone so weak and pathetic

Standing up for yourself and your child doesn't make you weak or pathetic. In fact it makes you the opposite.

YY, he wishes you'd be weak.

What a pair they are Sad

Original poster
BramwellBrown · 06/12/2014 06:56

I feel pretty weak at the moment Sad

OP posts:
YourKidsYourRulesHunXxx · 06/12/2014 06:57

OP ignore the tossers on here. They clearly don't know what its like to be ground down by someone over time, chipping away at your self-worth. Fuck the moral high ground and good on you.

Twizzle bet you're cringing now. What you said was absolutely disgusting, given the actual reality of the circumstances. How the shit did you come up with all that crap anyway, about adultery, and parents not loving kids etc, not that I really care about your justifications.

YourKidsYourRulesHunXxx · 06/12/2014 06:58
Flowers
Iloveweetos · 06/12/2014 06:59

You are not weak! Stay strong :) x

ArsenicSoup · 06/12/2014 07:01

Has he gone Bramwell? Do you want him gone?

Don't let him hang around saying he's going and calling you names.

KatieKatie1980 · 06/12/2014 07:04

You are not weak! Sorry some people felt you needed to be pummelled during this awful situation...I hope they re-read and apologise, I would.

Don't let your DH gaslight you into thinking the last 7 years of bad MIL behaviour/abuse is your fault because you rightly lost your cool yesterday. I hope you're ok xxx

BathshebaDarkstone · 06/12/2014 07:05

I'm very glad I don't have PIL. They died before I got together with DH. I do have 2 very controlling DAs though. One used to announce that she was coming to visit whether we had plans or not, the other often has DD to stay and totally screwed up her potty training by doing it differently, also by forcing her to do it too early so that she started squatting and peeing through her clothes to regain some control, she also booked a holiday and rang up DD's school to try and get them to let her out early even though she was 5 and it's against the law. She'd texted me to ask me if I wanted her to ring, I ignored the text as I'd already spoken to the school and they'd said no, I went into the office at home time, she'd already rung up. I was in tears and said "please don't think it's anything to do with me', luckily they're familiar with her, she has form for this kind of thing. I can't really go NC as she's helped out a lot financially and we would have starved if it wasn't for her. You, OTOH, can. Flowers

DreamingDiva13 · 06/12/2014 07:14

Your not the one who is weak and pathetic love, you 'd'h is! He's been too gutless to stand up to his mother over her bullying of you and your DS and even now when she has blatantly thrown her toys out of the pram and bullied your 6 y/o because she dared to prefer a different santa to hers your 'd'h has failed to stand up for his dd too and has even gone as far as to try and blame the child (overreacting).

He takes pathetic to a new level, your better off without him love, if it was me though I'd make sure I told him exactly who has been weak and pathetic whilst I packed his chuffig bags for him! He allows his mother to bully him and in turn tries to bully you for having the balls to stand up for yourself and your children.

KinkyDoritoWithJingleBellsOn · 06/12/2014 07:17

Bramwell you are doing really well. I was in a relationship like this when I had my DD at 19. MIL thought she could get away with murder; DH was her only child and she hated that I'd taken him away. She did/said so much to me and I was supposed to accept it because he would turn on me too. I was still finding myself in terms of my own confidence, so put up with a lot. In the end, it did come to a head and it was me that left with DD. You are blessed in that it sounds like you have a lovely and supportive family - I was lucky enough to have that too. I went home with my DD and sorted myself out.

DD is now 16. She still has contact with her DF, who I do get on with. His mum is still hard work at times, but I can keep her at arms length. It was hard letting DD go to see them sometimes, and I think, in hindsight, there would have been times I would have stopped her, except I still felt very ground-down by them - it had a big impact on my self-esteem. However, DD loves them, but she is aware of their flaws - not from me, because she is astute and has our family life to compare with that situation.

Anyway, I am remarried to lovely, lovely DH. His mum is toxic so HE chose to walk away from her 8 years ago; the decision was nothing to do with me. We have DS and I know that he absolutely has my back. I know that I am, without a doubt, the most important person in his world and he in mine (obvs DC too). It means that neither of us would ever let a parent infringe on our relationship, not that that would happen as the ones in our lives are supportive and happy for us.

Ultimately, I have a lovely little family and I feel happy. Had I stayed in that situation, I doubt I would be able to say that. I loved ex-DH but I knew it would never change (and it hasn't, his relationship with his mum has destroyed countless other relationships since me.) You are starting to make some important changes - good luck Thanks.

Patilla · 06/12/2014 07:21

Oh OP you're not weak, no matter how you feel today, this moment, you're at your strongest.

Because this moment you tore off the shackles of "keeping it together" and "brushing it under the carpet" and filled your lungs and roared "no more".

This moment you stood up to the line and made an unequivocal statement to the world that your daughter could not be misused and mistreated in this way.

This moment you became your daughter's champion and showed her that not only was she worth fighting for, not only that her mother was prepared to sacrifice so much for her well being, but that a woman and a mother, her mother, is a strong fearless thing to be reckoned with.

And you may shake inside but you are amazing. I don't know where your path goes from here or what it will look like. But if I were your daughter then I would be proud and grateful for the stance you took as a result of your love for her. And you are so much greater than the people and the situation you leave behind you.

Original poster
BramwellBrown · 06/12/2014 07:22

I don't know what I want at the moment Arsenic, well I do, I want DH to actually love me and MIL to be nice but as neither of those things are going to happen I don't know. He's not left yet for several reasons, DS isn't home and I think its best that DH tells DS he's leaving before he's actually left, none of my family can get here yet and I'm worried I might do something stupid if left on my own and he needs to pack some clothes.

OP posts:
GelfBride · 06/12/2014 07:25

Well done TIGER MUM - You rock! They are a pair of assholes that can ride off into the sunset together! You are far too good for the pair of them to deserve you in their lives.

msrisotto · 06/12/2014 07:26

I'm sorry op, you're probably hurting a lot right now but I really believe that your future is going to be so much happier for you without having to be bullied and subjected to this shit.

ArsenicSoup · 06/12/2014 07:27

Is he nasty or is he under her thumb?

Original poster
BramwellBrown · 06/12/2014 07:28

I know that he absolutely has my back. I know that I am, without a doubt, the most important person in his world and he in mine (obvs DC too).

See that is what I want, someone that makes me feel like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
BramwellBrown · 06/12/2014 07:29

very much under her thumb.

OP posts:
oranges · 06/12/2014 07:33

oh bram, you have the loveliest children and it sounds like your own family are loving and supportive. So glad you have managed to cut out all the awful people in your life. Wishing you much joy and strength over Christmas. You will be surrounded by love. x

ohdearitshappeningtome · 06/12/2014 07:37

These two arse wipes are like two peas in a pod!

You and your children are all that matter!

Twizzle. Your an idiot.

ArsenicSoup · 06/12/2014 07:40

He's not taking you seriously is he? He thinks it was a tantrum.

You need some rest Bram, are your family coming later?

If you want him, you need to figure out a way to make it clear to him what he will lose and that he only has one chance.

ArsenicSoup · 06/12/2014 07:42

(But not today)

Mrsstarlord · 06/12/2014 07:47

Do you know what, rather than being weak or whatever it was he called you, you sound like an incredibly brave, strong and loving woman. Your kids are so lucky to have you fighting their corner, sounds like he struggles with you putting them first.

Sounds like your family are supportive, now is the time to use that support for you so that you can be strong for your kids and against him.

You don't have to put up with his or his mothers nonsense.