To be sat on the sofa crying again because MIL is a cunt and DH is a spineless little mummy's boy.

[BramwellBrown]

Sorry long but it doesn't make sense otherwise and I don't want to drip feed.

MIL has spent the last 7 years bullying and belittling me at every opportunity and can be really spiteful.

MIL decided she would take DD to visit a different Father Christmas this year, one of the expensive ones that has a petting farm with reindeer, DD loved the reindeer and said he wasn't a bad Father Christmas as it goes but his grotto wasn't as good as the 'real one' I usually take DD to at the church fair, where FC knows DD's name and asks how her dog is etc (and is my Dad). MIL 'oh for goodness sake you're 6 any normal child your age knows the truth by now, that grubby church hall your mum takes you to isn't real either, there's no such thing as Father Christmas and Christmas is just a made up load of commercial rubbish celebrating the birth of an imaginary baby.' DD is really upset and doesn't even want her advent calendar because she says there's nothing to look forward to now, I know DD was likely to find out the truth about Father Christmas soon and fully expected this to be the last year she really believed in him but I'm furious that MIL would be so spiteful as to tell her like that or imply there was something wrong with her for not knowing and can't even describe how angry I am about the rest of it, I'm Catholic.

MIL then came round yesterday with a huge shopping bag of sweets for DD and none for DS as hes not DH's biological son I told DD to pick 1 for her and 1 for DS and I'd put the rest away for later, MIL starts on about me being mean and ridiculous, part of childhood is eating sweets til you feel sick I mentioned to MIL how upset DD is and MIL started screaming in my face and calling me stupid, DS tried to stick up for me but DH didn't say a word, then this morning MILs just text saying shes picking DD up from school at 3.15, I've said not today, she sent back 'it wasn't a question'. as it happens DD has a school play this afternoon so I will already be at the school (MIL was invited before the argument but school plays are boring) So DH and I have started the day on an argument because I asked him to have a word with his mum and he told me to stop winding her up.

AIBU to think its not I'm winding her up, she's just a cunt and that if DH loved me or had any respect for me he'd step in occasionally, I don't want him to go NC or anything but the odd 'Mum, that's enough' would be nice, I wouldn't let my parents treat him like this and its making me question if i want to be with him anymore.

Oi BramwellBrown

Even if you don't respect your wife, someone has just told your daughter santa doesn't exist and she is 6.

Most parents would want to slap someone who did that. I don't mean they would do it, but that they would want to.

Step up and be an adult, tell MIL she was out of order.

yes, your mil sounds unhinged but what are her other reasons for not liking you? your dd is aged 5/6 and your ds is older. did you cheat on your dh early on in your relationship-hence why neither of them like your son

Jeez twizzle, just make stuff up, why not?

arsenicsoup i'm asking a question for clarification purposes....notice the question mark at the end of the sentence?

Well it was a bit accusatory twizzle. Do you generally go around asking people if they have conceived DC via adultery?

And in case you missed it, the MIL is a vicious old cow who tells 6 years olds that FC isn't real and differentiates between DGC based on blood; She doesn't need a reason, she isn't nice.

The DS is 10, the DD 6.

Oh well done Line. Numeracy is what was needed

if it's on a public forum where everyone already has anonymity and the op has already shared information pertaining to their childs parentage and i think it would clarify/shed light on the issue at hand - then yes....

there is no need for you to take it so personally arsenic, here have a and a good morning to you too

is very kind. Not taking it personally, I promise, not until you start asking me if I've conceived any of my DC in adultery

Perfectly possible to ban MIL from further contact with DC, to get angry even, to say a few sharp things, without saying that particular thing about needing a good seeing to from the 'latest boyfriend' (or anything else that brings you down to her level).

Yes, from the outside looking in, I can see how it is possible to see your child get bullied and keep a level head. It is possible to get angry without losing your temper. I can even see how it's possible to not say something you regret in the heat of anger.

Let's not sit there and pretend we would all be little saints after 7 years of getting bullied, and then watching your child get bullied with no support from your DH. I don't think a single person on this thread would stay level headed in those circumstances. You don't just start yelling at someone after 7 years of abuse, and now ruining your child's Christmas without saying a few things in the heat of the moment.

We'd all like to think we'd be level headed while delivering a sharp lecture, but in practice, I think every one of us would very easily slip into a "Go fuck yourself" speech. Especially seeing as how MIL was likely not sitting there trying to de-escalate the situation and probably winding OP up further.

But back to my point of being the bigger person, you're just doing it for an audience so when MIL tells everyone you can make your case. Frankly, after 7 years of trying I'd say she already was the bigger person. Until the OP has abused MIL for 7 years she is not in the same mud puddle. So, saying be the bigger person here doesn't apply, all it means in this context is to look good on paper for this particular argument, which is exactly my point about how that's just as childish.

No. For the satisfaction of not shooting herself in the foot.

Please explain to me how she shot herself in the foot.

Bulb why are you so invested in distorting what some of us have said?

And why so convinced we haven't been in similar situations?

What a horrible, horrible woman. It's all about her, no thought of your DCs. She sounds absolutely toxic and shouldn't be allowed near any child. How bitter, twisted and mean she is. But, it is HER problem and she should not be allowed to be a blight on your lives.

I would also speak to the school.

Bulb why are you so invested in distorting what some of us have said?

It's the internet, I really have no personal investment in this. Neither do you.

Nor am I distorting what anyone has said. I'm saying why I disagree with your opinion, and why your view of "taking the high ground" does not apply to this situation.

If you say so Bulb

My opinion really is more based around OP getting a good end result than strange Sunday School morality though. Honest

Sounds to me like the MIL has been trying to push OP around since OP was 18 and pregnant with her DD (and already had a little boy from a previous relationship when she was young), if I have understood the sums properly.

Apologies if not. I am having and doing the waking up thing.

Right, what I'm saying is after 7 years of getting no where, there's not going to be a good end result. If her DH was not supporting her the last 7 years, he's not going to start now. If MIL wasn't respecting her before, being calm wouldn't have fixed that either.

In normal circumstances with reasonable people I'd agree with you. There's no need for personal attacks. But in this particular instance, it's just kicking an already broken dam either way.

Yes Line I bet OP's age was part of the reason she the could get away with it.

Well the line is drawn now and DH will have to decide which side he's on.

well let's hope your future posts give me the information i need otherwise i will ask

i've read every post in this thread and in my humble opinion there is ALWAYS a reason why people behave the way they do - even though the actions may not be acceptable

Sorry, being level headed and not making personal attacks wouldn't have made a difference in MIL's treatment. She's been bullying even when OP has played nice.

Yes Bulb I agree with you there. I think we're at cross purposes. I wasn't advocating pointless nobility or being 'the better person' to improve her chances of entering heaven. I'm glad she got some frustration off her chest.

I just thought the chances of her DH stepping up (what I think - thought -she actually wants to happen) would have been improved if she'd stayed on point and left the MIL's sex life out of it. Plus the bonus of moral high ground, but moral high ground in the DH's eyes too.

The more I hear about the DH, the less sure I am though.

(And I think MIL is probably loving that she said what she said, if I know the type)

But it's done so let's stop rehashing. She needs to get off that sofa.

Twizzle Sorry I didn't include details of DS' conception as I didn't think it was relevant and it tends to change peoples attitudes, if you really need to know my son was conceived through a series of extremely violent rapes when I was 14, his father was 27 and supposed to be helping me through a bereavement, yes that is a great one she likes to bring up, because if I wasn't so wet and pathetic he would never have met me, if I wasn't so stupid I'd have spoken out earlier and the scars are ugly.

Anyway, DH has made his decision, he says he can't love someone so weak and pathetic, so I guess who has the moral high ground doesn't really matter anymore.

Oh Bramwell

Arsenic, your approach is all about pandering to DH.

If she had held back her tongue... You say that more chance of her DH stepping up; and a greater chance that the Op's DH views her as having the moral high ground.

If this DH is worth anything, then him stepping up shouldn't be so dependant upon the OP's approach in one argument. If it is, then he will likely crumble again further on down the line.