You are not responsible for the rape or sexual assault you endured

[differentnameforthis]

In light of many threads about Ched Evans' & his victim & in light of those who believe she could have prevented it by being sober (!), I thought it was important to raise this issue.

It doesn't matter if you were drunk
It doesn't matter if you were alone
It doesn't matter if you got into a taxi/car/train/bus with him
It doesn't matter if you went to a room with him
It doesn't matter if you knew him
It doesn't matter if you didn't know him
It doesn't matter if you started to have sex with him & said no
It doesn't matter if you had sex with him an hour/a day/a week before
It doesn't matter if you had sex with his friend
It doesn't matter what you were wearing

YOU ARE IN NO WAY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE RAPE/SEXUAL ASSAULT YOU ENDURED.

We believe you

Christ - see how quickly the comparisons to Cars and other valuables come out.

This is just so fucking depressing.

Thanks EE
I agree with you, it is the rape apologists who have a very poor opinion of men. Rape is not about men who are so overcome with sexual attraction that their poor little brains misinterpret the signals. Rape is about power, and control, and preying on somebody who you perceive to be or who society says is weaker than you.
I have a friend who cross dresses. Every time he goes out as a woman he has been sexually assaulted- cock squeezed, pushed up against walls, lewd comments etc, by other men.(I'll stick to the male pronoun otherwise this wont make sense!) When out as a man he is free to dance, get drunk and act however he likes. Men don't sexually assault him because they are attracted to him, its because he is perceived as weaker, and therefore an easy target for some abuse of power. Rape and sexual abuse are about power.

pompodd - there are less sexual assaults on men whether they are clothed or naked. And that's a fact.

But then I'm hard of thinking according to you so how would I know the answer to your mythical question?

Most sexual assaults on men are by men. But the response is generally a lot more sympathetic.

This post of humble's doesn't even make any sense to me:

"All women know about the "don't get drunk" advice - they aren't idiots
So, if they all know the 'don't get drunk' advice, and they're not idiots, why are so many women drunk in public? Is that because they are intelligent, rational beings with strong sense of personal worth and confident expectations that their rights will be respected?"

Is the poster saying that every woman in the whole world who has ever got drunk is unintelligent, irrational, with no sense of personal worth and an expectation that they will be violated?

That is a bizarre thing to say. I assume that's what was meant

Additionally, if all women in the world stopped drinking entirely tomorrow, would that reduce the incidence of rape for now and evermore? Um.... nope.

Add on the idea there that if you are raped while drunk it's your fault, (if you are raped while sober or just a little tipsy whose fault is it then?) and we have an utterly random post. It doesn't seem to make any sense whatsoever.

As for the other poster who equates women saying "if you are raped it is the fault of the rapist" to saying "all men must be castrated" well that's just nonsensical as well.

It happened to me. I bet most victims have experience of being blamed to their faces in some way.

Gosh, perhaps they do.

How depressing.

I didn't suggest there was a right or wrong answer, Chimes. And I agree that there are fewer assaults on men than women (and that was never the point of my question).

I'm asking if you think there might be more or less sexual assaults on women and/or men in the scenarios I gave. There's no right answer; the purpose of the question is to get you to think about your response and your reasons for it. If you don't want to share your response, of course, that's fine.

Depressed beyond measure

However the mixing up of infer and imply perhaps shows the intellectual level we are dealing with here

I do tend to go through life with the general expectation that my rights will be respected, as it goes, and the vast vast majority of men I have met / been near have done just that.

My sense of personal worth combined with the above means that when men do violate my rights in terms of bodily integrity (or even just the ability to go about my daily life without interference) it makes me really fucking angry.

That anger is one of the main reasons I realised that the word for what I was, was feminist, at about age 14.

HTH

Humble. Do you also say "don't get drunk in public" to men?

Because they could also be raped by another man.

So maybe we should just ban alcohol in entirely - would that stop rape?

YY empire

Fun fun times to wind up women talking about rape on MN

I assume that's what's going on.

The OP was "if you get raped it's not your fault" and the response was" yes it fucking well is" well bloody hell.

What about if he is your husband?

If you don't want to share your response, of course, that's fine. said pompodd

But I DID share my response

So what was your answer to both scenarios, Chimes? More sexual assaults in both cases or only one of the cases?

There are situations where I would be more at risk of being raped again and Buffy listed some of them.

My rape didn't fall into any of the scenarios mentioned but I would be lacking as a mother if I didn't ensure my daughter wasn't aware of higher risk situations. This won't prevent rapists from raping, but will manage the risks to her to a degree.

I didn't ask to be raped, I don't apologise for rapists or say we victims are to blame, but personal safety awareness is crucial to make us a less likely target.

Neither pompodd. Get it? Neither!

Help me here, Chimes!

Are you saying there would be no change in the level of assaults in either scenario?

Love you OP and everyone else fighting the good fight.

Men know when they are pushing someone into sex they don't want. Don't make pathetic excuses that imply they can't possibly know if women acting in certain ways are up for sex or not.
if they really don't know it's easy enough to ask or err on the side of caution.

I have once in my life been denied a one night stand by a bloke who wasn't entirely convinced I was up for it. Men can behave decently, of course they can.

Pretending that they can't makes it so much harder for victims and allows rapists to go on raping people.

pompodd - I'm saying I do not answer mythical questions