You are not responsible for the rape or sexual assault you endured

[differentnameforthis]

In light of many threads about Ched Evans' & his victim & in light of those who believe she could have prevented it by being sober (!), I thought it was important to raise this issue.

It doesn't matter if you were drunk
It doesn't matter if you were alone
It doesn't matter if you got into a taxi/car/train/bus with him
It doesn't matter if you went to a room with him
It doesn't matter if you knew him
It doesn't matter if you didn't know him
It doesn't matter if you started to have sex with him & said no
It doesn't matter if you had sex with him an hour/a day/a week before
It doesn't matter if you had sex with his friend
It doesn't matter what you were wearing

YOU ARE IN NO WAY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE RAPE/SEXUAL ASSAULT YOU ENDURED.

We believe you

Okay, Aduaz. NAMA bad at listening to women. Better?

Celestria sorry to hear about your ordeal. I don't think there's anything you could have done to prevent it in that specific situation. Please understand I'm not saying that if you do this, you can protect yourself from rape. I'm saying that if you do specific things, you are potentially putting yourself in more danger than you need to. Your rape proved though that even following every good safety tip in the book might still not prevent you being raped. In your specific situation I can't think of a single piece of advice I'd give, because it doesn't seem like you were doing anything that might place yourself in danger. Again it shows that rape can't be prevented entirely, which is very depressing.

I do think there are cases where rape can be avoided.

Men don't rape because they see an easy victim, rapist do though.

Rapists will rape based on the least likelihood of getting caught. So if they see a woman on her own in a quiet area who's not paying attention then she's going to be an easier target than a bunch of women together in a busier area.

If the lone woman is drunk, her senses are dulled making the attack easier and her recall to be a good witness diminished. If she's wearing tight clothes, that's not sexual, it's a sign she's not got anything hidden on her. Likewise high heals aren't sexual, they just mean she can't run.

That's certainly not saying in this hypothetical case the lone woman deserves to be raped, nobody deserves that, but there are rapists out there and the message to women should be the same as we are with our children and stranger danger or any other crime. We know there are criminals, be careful.

It's not a case of blame, it's not even prevention, it's risk limitation.

It's an emotive subject but I do believe we need to be careful.

Okay joysmum next time I'm on a night out I will make sure I'm in a baggy tracksuit with trainers and drink water. That will mean the likelyhood is that I won't get raped. In fact I just won't go for a night out at all even safer.

AnnieLobeseder much better. If you think I'M bad at listening to women then fine say that and I won't hold it against you. But why should you tar the entire male population with the same brush because of one man you feel isn't listening to you?

Oh, I dunno, maybe from 40 years of personal experience of men not listening to me or the women around me? But far be it from me to point that out, as it would be sexist.

I think an important point here (that I may have missed already, apologies if so) is that only 'bad girls' get raped, surely? 'Good girls' (ie, girls who follow the rules and stay safe) don't get raped, precisely because they followed the rules.

Except that's not the case, is it? I'm utterly aghast at the victim blaming on this thread and the absolute tripe being trotted out by the likes of Humble and Chimes (funny how they seem to post together, eh?).

I count myself incredibly fortunate to have never been raped, or suffered anything other than low-level sexual harassment. I am stunned that there are so many people who have shared their experiences on this thread and have still been confronted with disgustingly sexist and victim-blaming attitudes.

to everyone who has been a victim of sexual violence - I 100% believe you and echo everything the OP has said.

I also like to hope that Ched Evans' victim knows how much support there is for her, here and elsewhere - I believe you too.

Ah I see so when men are sexist to women it's sexist but when women are sexist to men it's "personal experience". Thanks for clearing that up.

Sorry, forgot, I had a birthday. 41 years of personal experience of being talked over, ignored and generally disregarded by men who think that what they have to say is infinitely more important and right than anything I have to say.

So we prevent rape by getting as many women as we can to dress like nuns, not get drunk, try not to socialise etc etc. because that's how silly so called prevention advice gets. And whilst women do this the odd one or two dares to totter about in stilettos, clutching her whisky and staggering down the road home alone. Rape target apparently. But hey, it's okay, because I'm in my nun get up, getting drunk on three litres of water and no one is raping me. Good stuff.

Hey Buffy, have you got the energy to explain class analysis to Aduaz? You're better at it than me and I don't think I have the energy.

Aduaz - please clarify your exact agenda on this thread. Because I find your 'advice' abhorrent and incredibly patronising.

Aduaz, what advice would you give to a seven year old child? Taking a walk with her lovely older cousin. With a happy rape ending. That's me by the way.

All this rape prevention. Lovely. Wonderful. As a grown woman fantastic.

Or that little three year old, raped and half strangled in Asia. These prevention tips are really good aren't they.

Sorry, but fuck the 'safety advice'. It doesn't work. Doesn't help. Doesn't change your chances or anything else. Just enables rapists to keep raping because rape happens you know.

Now where did I put that baggy tracksuit.

Aduaz - victims of rape are telling you, right here, right now, that you're posts are blaming the victim - why aren't you listening?

So - once more for you:

Women following your "it's your responsibility not to get yourself raped" safety tips still suffer rape.

Because you know what? Those safety tips don't prevent rape.

You know why? Because the only thing that causes rape is a rapist

So you can take your "safety tips for women so's not to get yourself raped" and shove them - because they don't prevent rape, but they do contribute to victim blaming and making a victim feel to blame for being raped.

Let's take an example: "Don't walk home alone." Women have been raped in black cabs by the driver, by "friends" offering to walk them home, so they "don't walk home alone". Hell, women have even been attacked between getting out of their cab, and their front door - on their own doorstep.

Sadly, though, I think you're rather enjoying the attention you're getting on this thread. I don't know what that says about you.

www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk/campaigns/10-top-tips-to-end-rape/ some rape tips for you.

Can I just ask .... Am i invisible ? Because I get the feeling I am too Aduaz, it's terribly frustrating when you ask someone a question and they don't answer.

I like the poster that is exactly what should be plastered over every lamp post and I every pub/club/shop/doctors surgery/senior school and anywhere else I've missed In the country.
That is the message we should be sending.

Yup, you're definitely here.

Sabrinnnnnnnna I AM listening to them and having done that decided I disagree with what they said. Crime prevention tips are NOT guarantees I can't stress that enough. I could suggest you don't walk home alone and then the taxi driver rapes you. Or maybe he doesn't and you get home safe. We can't and won't know for sure and you could take every reasonable precaution and still get raped. Believe me I'm not enjoying being insulted but if people are getting confused and thinking that what I'm saying is victim blaming then I could understand the initial anger although it should have stopped when I clearly pointed out I wasn't victim blaming.