Ok, first, let she who has never sworn at their child or otherwise lost their temper in a totally irrational screaming banshee style throw the first stone. ....
Right, that's ok, you are human like the rest of us and occasionally snap. The positive is that you regret what happened with your lovely DS and are thinking of how to avoid doing this again.
I'd put money on you having realigned your relationship with him by the time you read this, you are so resilient.
Second. You say your ex has accused you of ruining his life, since the arrest. Has he been texting again or otherwise worming his way in? do you need support again in extricating yourself from this toxic relationship?
Third. I still believe you need some professional counselling to help with all that has happened and to enable you to move forward. When things are 'ok' I suspect the temptation is to just get on with your busy life and not go down that route, then things get 'crisis point' like today (and how you felt at Christmas) and you are paralysed by the awfulness and are not really feeling strong enough to sort out the counselling. Please find a way to remind yourself It is important to arrange counselling when you are feeling stronger, so that you can benefit from it when you really do need it.
Fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh eighth ninth and tenth. You are not alone you have your wonderful son and you have us. Never forget how impressed we all are with your resilience and strength.
