Being heard: Sure's journey (thread 3)

[surereadyforchange]

previous (2nd) thread

What to say? Abusive rapist ex reported, Police Statement given over a month ago and he is still blissfully unaware, still messaging, and nothing has happened.

Sure, when he does hear that you have withdrawn your complaint, is there any way you could leave a doubt in his mind that it could all be revived? I'm thinking of your safety and sanity in the future. I think he will be more nervous of you since you went for him in the car park, but it would do no harm for him not to be certain that he's got away with it. (And I'd love him to feel anxious, as you did for so long!)

Yy to stapler - such an exciting thing for a child! I was fascinated by compasses, as in pair of, not NSEW, tho I loved them too! Hole punches are great fun too - the snowflake/heart/leaf type. It's lovely having little ones. (And knackering!)

Have you thought any more about the emergency appointment, or are you self-medicating with chocolate penguins?

Oooh, staplers....why do children love stationery? One of my fave things when i was in primary school was a little yellow box that contained mini sellotape, mini stapler, little yellow scissors and a little tube of waterbased glue, all kept in their places in the box by dense grey foam. There was also a mini ruler that clipped into the top of a little box compartment, and the compartment contained spare staples.....I felt so grown up!

To be honest, I really doubt he will be in any form of contact. He looked like he hated me in the car park.
I haven't heard anything yet, but i don't know if he's been told yet. Knowing PO timescales it'll probably be next week!
He did say in interview that he never wants to see me again. Who knows. I just doubt he'll be in contact as he will be advised not to.
I dunno.
Anyway, yeah I think DS gets his love of stationary from me. As soon as he could talk he begged me for his own box file. When i was doing my access to uni course I got him his own workbook and he did his "work " ie scribbles and used to 'file' it in there.
I might see if i can get him a funky hole punch.
Ipokebadgers, I used to collect different rubbers when i was little, and loved those pens with loads of little levers for different colours still do
I wonder when this tenterhooks feeling will chill out..

Not planning on taking any more citalopram.
Going to try some rescue remedy ive got in the cupboard.

Actually, isn't it a good thing that the police are showing the same level of efficiency in you withdrawing the case as they did in you pursuing it. The VERY least that fucker deserves is to have this hanging over him for a while.

sure you'd mentioned a couple of other procedures to keep him away from you, but I forgot what they were. Not too late to put these in place?

Hope you're well.

You could try St John's Wort. Whether or not you go for homeopathy, I have heard good things about it, even from sceptics, and it would be gentle, at least!

Yeah they said i could get a non molestation order but I'd have to pay for it.
I thought I'd see how I go.
I'm feeling a bit panicky this morning. I'm not sure if its because I cant get any information out of anyone about whether he knows or not, or because it's just a huge anticlimax when I feel like I've been holding my breath for months.

Sorry Jux, didn't see your post.
St John's Wort sounds more my style, would I have to see a homeopath? (Homeopathist?)

No, you can get it from Boots, Holland&Barrett, any health shop. Our local health shop has great employees who know a lot and will look things up and check things and generally go the extra mile, so I would always suggest somewhere like that for preference, but if there isn't pne near you,ndon't worry. H&B and Boots are fine too.

Panic is coming...
He'll be laughing. Moving on with some other woman. Happy. Got away with it.
I'll still be here, alone, unable to be with anyone ever again. Damaged.
Gonna be sick.

Having trouble posting at the minute...

I dont think he will be laughing. You scared the shit out of him

Try to stop thinking about him and focus on you and your future. You dont know tbat you wll never be with anyone again. Life is long and amazing things can happen. But you have to believe you deserve all the good life can offer and stop looking b ack at what you can't change.will take time.

Apologies if l dont make sense. Posting from phone and suffering a migraine.

No you won't. Someone - when you're ready - will love and appreciate you for the woman you are. Do your breathing and mantra.
You will take time to heal. He may never manage it. Though I hope he does so there are no more women going through what you've had to.
Breathe, mantra and rescue remedy. The act of doing something and believing it will help is also good medicine.

I don't want to be with anyone ever again. I pick really badly and I don't trust myself.
I know what its like to have no one, I know what its like to have no family and no friends. I have learned not to trust.
It is safer to be completely alone. I would have no idea what its like to not be, and I have no idea how not to be, its just alien.
Its fine, its comfortable.

The idea of a boyfriend makes me feel sick.

Ipokebadgers hope your migraine improves soon

He has got away with it though.

Don't think about it. You've enough on your plate without that. When are you going to Cornwall?

Badgers,

I think on a lot of levels you have achieved what you needed to.
He is now out of your life (no longer persistently contaminating your social life with his jealous rantings and vile behaviours)
You said earlier that you had massive anxiety about a long drawn out legal process (to go to court and be cross examined would have been horribly stressful for you) and you have assertively decided not to go down that route.
He has been hauled over the coals by the police and it sounds like scared witless in the process and told in no uncertain terms that he comitted an offence(s). He has not controlled any of this process since you decided to act. You have been in charge.
The police (albeit at a timescale dictated by their limitations) have done, and will continue to do, what you say. You are still in charge.
I understand you feel anti-climactic and that he has "got away" with what he did. He is however no longer doing it and you are free.

Keep busy, keep doing that in for 7 out for 11 breathing, keep telling us all about it. Keep demolishing thse chocolate penguins.

Oh sure don't even think about whether or not you'll have a relationship in the future - just concentrate on gaining back your self esteem and learning to love yourself, and building a good life for you and your son.

When XH left me I was adamant I never wanted another relationship (in case it failed) and didn't think about it for about 4 years. Then I thought it would be nice to have someone to go out to dinner or a film with, was introduced to a friend of a friend and the rest, as they say, is history. We've been together 10 years, married for 9. But by the time I met him, I was ready, and I was such a different person to the one I was 4 years previously.

I hope you have a really relaxing time in Cornwall with your lovely friend and that, when you come back, you can start the new year in a more positive frame of mind. Hopefully the break away somewhere different will help put some distance between you and the situation.

On a light note - love those pens with loads of little levers for different colours still do Me too!! I was very lucky with more than enough material things as a child, but that was the one thing I never had, for some reason. I still get great pleasure out of owning them.

When I was a teacher I had parents come into school highly concerned because their son had swapped his dad's £500 wristwatch with a friend for one of those pens!! I did manage to get them to swap back, but also told the parents that I would have done the same: the pen was so much better!!

Hasn't got away with it because it will be noted against his name, even if it never goes to court.
And he hasn't got away with it because YOU TOLD and he never reckoned on that, so now he won't be so sure that the next person might do the same. He will be less cocksure if nothing else.
And he hasn't got away with it because he knows people know, and he will always have half an eye over his shoulder incase someone else it all starts up again.

He has got away with it though

He will still have to be him though, won't he? Imagine living in his head, imagine having the relationships he has. I don't envy him.

You are not 'damaged', you are hurt. And not just by him - he picked on you because he recognised a vulnerability in you.

Can you hang on to 'The best revenge is a life well lived' and do everything in your power to enable your healing and recovery?
Don't even think about future relationships; now is not the time.
Continue seeing your counsellor - or, even better, get referred to see a Clinical Psychologist. Waiting times can be long for this, but the result if often very worth it even if the therapy once you get it takes a while.

RE St John's Wort: it works for mild to moderated depression; there's good evidence that it does. It is a herb that contains a powerful chemical not dissimilar to some medications conventionally used in psychiatry. It does interact with many other meds so do tell your GP or any doctor prescribing something for you that you are taking it (if you decide to take it). It's NOT homeopathy - it's part of herbal medicine and very effective.

Things will get better, it might not feel like it from time to time or all of the time just now, but they will