Being heard: Sure's journey (thread 3)

[surereadyforchange]

previous (2nd) thread

What to say? Abusive rapist ex reported, Police Statement given over a month ago and he is still blissfully unaware, still messaging, and nothing has happened.

I've just rung the GP and get put through to a different doctor as mine was not in today.
He said to stop taking them (after initially telling me to carry on) after i said about passing out last night and DS putting himself to bed. I said what else he said speak to your doctor at your next appointment. Thats on the 30th.

Ask for an emergency appointment. The 30th is just not on. And cry on the phone.

I told him all the symptoms on the phone. He sounded a bit fed up and i said i don't know what to do, he said if you're unhappy then just stop taking them and pretty much hung up.
Might see if i can see my usual doctor on friday as she's not in until then.

Do you think i need an emergency appointment?

No, I don't think you need an emergency appointment. I'm sorry for alarming you. I just think it's the only way to get some attention.

Thanks Teeny.
I'll try and see the lovely female doc on friday.
PO rang back and advised i should speak to WA lady before his supervisor will sign off me being allowed to drop the case against 'him'.
So gonna take a massive wad of tissues for my nose and drop some paracetamol and get down there for 4.
I kicked myself out of bed and came downstairs, made a fruit smoothie with banana, oats, strawberries, raspberries and blueberries and a cuppa with a ginger biscuit for nausea. Hopefully the citalopram will wear off soon and i can concentrate again.
Put the tree lights on, and lit my candles.
I don't know why Christmas makes me.feel so sad. Thinking about the ornament i made as a kid and whether my mum has put it on the tree this year.
How she feels when she puts the tree up on her own. Whether she bothers.
How much tat she'll buy my sisters baby this year.
Its fine. Gonna be fine.

Well done on eating something - and healthily too! The AD sounds awful; I hope it settles down. As you say, you need to drive, you need to think,, you need to function - you have a small child to look after.

Christmas is sometimes a sad time - there is a whole thread on here which is so sad, I'm not going to link it for you! So many different miseries.

My mum only puts a tree up if she has people over for christmas, otherwise 'doesn't bother' ; MIL doesn't put a tree up but would love to. I have, but only for the dc, I wouldn't otherwise.

It's gonna be fine. deffo.

Sure, you are an amazing woman.
'Nuff said.

Its been a year and a half since I've seen or spoken to my mum. Longer for my sister. Ive never met my niece.
My friend from Cornwall just rang me, he hadn't been arrested last to me we spoke so i had a lot of updating to do. She is more of a sister to me than my own.
She is so funny, we had a good laugh about me 'chasing him' in the car park-she thought it was hilarious and said I have "massive balls".
I think thats the first time ive laughed for weeks. I'm so grateful for her and you all here
Just waiting in WA now.

She's right, you know!

Hey Sure

Maybe in 2015 that should be your new MN user name: "DamnSureI'veGotMassiveBalls"

Sounds good to me! I'm so pleased you have been able to laugh. Your friend is definitely on TeamSure!

Your friend sounds great, DamnSureIveGotMassiveBalls!!!

Love your friend!! You should call her more often! Could you arrange a holiday visit with her?

Ptumbi - yes theres something symbolic about putting up a tree. I hate it, it really makes me sad, but I do it and smile about it for DS.

I am cracking up at "DamnSureI'veGotMassiveBalls"

Not sure what initial impression i'd be giving off..... :)

Yes my friend is the one I met on my Access course to uni in my old town. She is 9 yrs younger than me, she offered me a seat next to her on the first day and within ten minutes we were firm friends.
She got into uni to do teaching, but decided she didn't want to do uni after all, moved to Cornwall to surf and now assistant manages a surf shop. She's great.
For example in her uni interview she was talking about how she used to teach a couple of kids guitar. They asked her if she could sing?
"No" she says....then after a few seconds awkward silence she blurts out " But I can RAP!!"

Whitsernam, I am taking DS down to hers for Christmas. Cant wait to see her. I can tell her everything. Its like there is no age gap. Apart from her terrible taste in music, obviously! Its a shame she lives so far away.
Feel like the drugs are wearing off. Feel much more normal, thank god.

WA lady was quite sympathetic. She said she'll ring PO in morning to let him know i'm not under duress or anything. Then they'll officially withdraw my complaint.
WA can get a solicitor in to do a Non m0lestation order if needed, but for now i'm going to see how I go with a p0lice marker on my home, name, and number, in case he turns up.
He most likely hates my guts now so he will probably never want to see me again!

He most likely hates my guts now so he will probably never want to see me again

Good.
Very very good.

I agree you should ask for an emergency appointment - your 'emergency' is that you need to be seen more urgently than the 30th. That's how many people interpret 'emergency' appointment and it's fair enough if you cannot be seen otherwise. You need something different or at the very least lower dose.

You friend sounds great - yy to official NC

Initial impression, DamnSure? Very very good, I reckon (if a teensy bit scary, but people would soon find out how lovely you are).

I hope he's effing terrified, but whatever it takes to keep him well away from you. Hoping that the next news of him is through a 3rd party, and that he's emigrated. Or at least moved to somewhere far away, and a bit grotty so you are never going to think "wouldn't it be nice to go to X for the weekend".

Yes, get an emergency appt.

About the drugs ( hello, you are doing great by the way )
It sounds like the SFX you are getting are unacceptable, and making normal functioning very difficult. You may be best stopping taking the citalopram altogether for a while.

You were getting somewhere with the breathing to help deal with the panic attack symptoms, so that is a tool you know you can use if / when they occur again.

Reading between the lines this might be what you have already decided to do. Unlike some posters I have no experience with ADs, but I do know a bit about drug side effects. i would advise taking no more citalopram until the unpleasant effects have stopped altogether and it is out of your system. Then, after discussion with nice GP, restarting on a lower dose when you are somewhere safe and there is someone else around in case you are too zonked to look after DS.
Night night

Morning Sure

Hope you slept well. I had chocolate coins for breakfast and am in work in my Christmas jumper....i think that has prettymuch set the tone for my working day. Hope you have a more productive day than i am planning!

Morning, I didn't take any more drugs. Feel more sane this morning without them. Horrible cold, but i can cope with that.
Unfortunately Letsgoforawalk, there wont be a situation where someone else is around to look after DS, apart from the odd day on a weekend where his dad has him. He doesnt have him every weekend. So it might have to be a different drug.
I feel much better without citalopram thats for sure. Like you guys said, breathing and replacing the mantra with something positive seemed to help when panic struck.
Waiting on tenterhooks to hear when he's been told everythings dropped.
Ipokebadgers I don't have a Christmas jumper :( I do have some chocolate penguins though :)

Chocolate penguins are evil and must die!

I dont actually finish work until Tuesday but think all in my office are getting a bit frazzled....hence Christmas jumper silliness!

It's been a long time since i took citalopram, and i have no kids, it was just me so it didnt matter if i was wasted on them....appreciate you are in a very different situation. It may be a case of that drug doesnt suit you at all, or you might be able to cope on a smaller dose, but only you can say.

Hope today goes well with you.

Thanks Pokey, have a fun day :)

sure I'm glad you are feeling more sane. It does seem to be virus time, hope the cold moves along soon.
chocolate penguins I'm off shopping, might have to find some of those while I'm out...

Yep, several of the evil chocolate penguins have been demolished
Have a nice shop :) I feel too gross to go out in this weather.
Gonna wrap some of DS' presents and sneeze and wait for news.
He asked for a stapler so he'll be chuffed when he opens his stocking presents

Rung the PO and its still not gone through..