Being heard: Sure's journey (thread 3)

[surereadyforchange]

previous (2nd) thread

What to say? Abusive rapist ex reported, Police Statement given over a month ago and he is still blissfully unaware, still messaging, and nothing has happened.

Hey Sure

Those ingrained rules? They are horseshit rules and you have been doing a great job lately of breaking/disregarding them. You do matter and people will listen to you. The past can't be changed but you can and will shape your future....and it is going to be great.

Good night Pacific. xx
I suppose it is about finding a voice, and breaking away from the mind shackles that shape how things have been.
Its uncharted territory.. I didn't think it would be so hard or so painful.

I think you are smart enough and have a sufficiently well developed moral compass to make your own rules now.

Good advice on the panic attacks above. GP can prescribe something that can help if they continue to be a problem, but the breathing (which you are doing) and understanding what they are will take you most of the way towards gaining an upper hand over the panic. Breathing in and out of a paper bag can also be good.
Astounded by your resilience. Well done you, sleep well.

Am about to drop off myself, sleep well Sure.

Sure, wow, you are one of the bravest women I have 'met', and that's including a lot of very brave women indeed.

Perfectly understandable, the car park incident. Don't beat yourself up about it - there have been enough people in your life doing that. They were wrong, he was wrong. The PO was right. He believed you. He's an experiencd police officer, trained to sniff out fact from fiction, and he believes you. Furthermore, the PO disliked and disbelieved 'him'.

Keep breathing, keep loving your ds, keep being who you are. You will get through this, you will.

Sure, your threads are unusual on MN. There are NO critical or unsupportive posts or posters. I have just had a look through this one (no time to do the first two!) and here are the names of the people who have posted. Can you see how many people believe you and want to help? Doesn't that say something about you? It does to me. And I've no idea how many more are lurking and silently supporting you.
(Apologies for abbreviations, mis-spellings, incorrect capitalisation and omissions.)

Ptumbi
I PokeBadgers
Plumping Up Partridge
Educatingarti
Jennyjim
PedantMarina
PacificDogwood
Jux
DocMcStuffins
Momagain1
Whitsernam
Letsgoforawalk
FunkyBoldRibena
Longtallsally2
BeeOrchid
Mummytime
Swampytigga
SameThing
Midgeymum2
Nannynome
ChablisChic
ThomasMara
Nettletea
Orangefusion
Ilovefluffysheep
Ocelot7
Comito
CrunchyBadger
... And me, Teeny

I'm in the GPs drop in surgery waiting for an appointment.
Trying to figure out a succinct version of everything to explain why I'm here.

X posted,Teeny.
Thank you, thats so sweet of you to make that list.
I guess I'm just used to, or expect to be criticised or picked on. I realise that sounds pathetic.

Hey Sure

Keep it simple: You have struggled for years to escape an emotionally abusive relationship. You have finally managed to walk away after he forced you into sex. He has harassed you since despite your refusal to acknowledge him. You reported him to the police for rape but they have dragged their feet so long that you feel no choice but to drop the charge as it is mentally and emotionally damaging you further. The father of your DS is also an abusive arse, you feel unsupported and have recently had two [or is it three] panic attacks.

Then ask is there anything the GP can do to help you. If you cant get the words out, show the GP this post.

Hope it goes ok.

Excellent summary, Poke. That post should be enough Sure. If you weep it is not surprising, and the gp will have had many many patients weeping over a lot less. Let's face, most of us would be having a good cry if even a quarter of what has happened to you, had happened to us.

You don't sound pathetic at all. NOT A TINY LITTLE BIT.

You are an extraordinary person, Sure. You are so brave and strong. I take my hat off to you. You are awesome!

I like the list, Teeny and Poke's summary is excellent.

Courage, Sure

Still waiting.
Rising stress!

Keep breathing! Praying that you will be able to express yourself clearly and the GP will be understanding.

Hope you got to see someone and explain the situation. Keep breathing. You are in the GP surgery and you are safe. You might be feeling stressed but you are safe and no harm is going to come to you.

GP was really nice, she's the one I took DS to when he had the parvovirus recently and she remembered me.
I explained everything and she has prescribed me cital0pram and referred me to the s3exual assault r3eferral centre.
She also said she will keep an eye on me herself which was nice.

X post Ipokebadgers.
Was practicing my in for 5 out for 11 in the waiting room, I was there nearl 2 hrs..
So glad it was a female doctor. Especially that one who was so good with DS. She said the receptionists will take DS for a biscuit and a chat if hes with me when I come back to see her after xmas.
I finally got a text from WA lady- I said i'd dropped everything and she said good
She's now not replying again. PO on Saturday said she hadn't replied to his emails. I don't know, whichever way I go I lose. I said I saw 'him' yesterday, she said "oh right, what did he say about it all?"
I said he ran away and have had no reply.

Morning sure. So glad you're getting some help from the doctor - it's too much to try and do it all on your own, you shouldn't expect to be able to.

I imagine she's trying to be supportive by saying 'Good', sure - if it makes you feel better to drop the case then it is her job to support you, not to second-guess you.

Rubbish of her not to reply though - that is not ideal.

I'm glad that you got a doctor you are comfortable with. I'm on citalopram myself and think it is good - however I have gone onto it and come off it once before and had odd cold-like symptoms for the first week (streaming nose and heavy head) of coming on. They faded away once I got onto the right dose and had been on for a while though.

I think it would be a good idea to combine chemical solutions (ADs) with mental solutions (CBT), as the citalopram will definitely help but won't actually change your patterns of thought. The drugs make it easier to not get bogged down and to help you learn new ways of thinking, if that makes sense.

Hi Sure

Glad you got to see the GP eventually and she was understanding and helpful. See, someone else who took you seriously and who believed you and who is taking the steps that are in her power to help you.

As for WA lady, she knows you are not in immediate danger and she may have someone in crisis who she has to prioritise. It is not a reflection on you or your situation. Whether you realise it or not, she possibly sees you as strong and doing really well.

But i am glad yu have been to the GP....those are two hours of your life that were definitely not wasted. Well done on getting there and getting your point across.

I know there are others in more urgent need.
I guess its just that I didn't want to drop the case, I really didn't, but I don't know how much more I can cope with, especially if the CPS decided not to take it to court.
I don't want him to get away with it. I wish I had never fucking met him. He's destroyed me and he'll walk away laughing about it.
So I guess that's why I feel ugh that she said "good". Its not good, its massively unfair and if it wasn't for DS i'd probably be on major self destruct again.

Just a quick note to say those p1lls are great for anxiety but take a little getting used to, but are well worth it. That a look at the MH boards for support thread.

Because case is dropped i'll look like a crazy liar ex gf

Tmrgrl which thread do you mean? Looked on MH board but could only see one with 5 posts - is that the one?

I'm scared.

Don't worry about what it "looks" like. You know what really happened and so do we ( and so does ex - even if he is in denial about it). you know your reasons for withdrawing complaint and so do we!

George Herbert who lived from 1593-1633 said "Living well is the best revenge"! Give yourself time to work through all of this and you and your DS will "live well"!

Don't be scared Sure. Just start taking the meds as your GP prescribed. Different people react in different ways. There may be side effects but they are usually quite short lived. Just keep on taking one day (hour?) at a time!