Being heard: Sure's journey (thread 3)

[surereadyforchange]

previous (2nd) thread

What to say? Abusive rapist ex reported, Police Statement given over a month ago and he is still blissfully unaware, still messaging, and nothing has happened.

I am amazed by you!! Look what you're doing! You go girl! I am loving the new you..... And if the case against "him" takes a long time, maybe by then you will want to testify or make some kind of statement then. It's really hard to tell that far out. Maybe you don't need to decide just now? But either way, you gave him a strong message by having police pick him up; he's never gotten that before, I bet.

Just checking in.
Nothing to say because orange put it all so beautifully

Another one agreeing with everything orange has written so well.

Well done on acing your presentation - we all knew you would!

Feels a bit like when farmers burn everything to the ground to encourage new growth.
I love that - wishing you lots of healthy, new, vigorous growth to come

I've been away for a couple of days, but that doesn't mean I've forgotten you. I'm so happy to come back to a knackered but positive Sure. It's also lovely for you to hear from so many lurkers - I hope you can imagine us all standing around you, or behind you, whichever image you prefer. You are a STAR.

Good morning, hope you're all well.
I went out to see the band I booked a little while ago, last night. It was good to let off steam and have a few drinks, I was careful not to have too many as i didn't want to be a mess. I had a little cry on the bus when I was listening to music on headphones but nothing too bad.
PO emailed last night when he'd come on shift. I was out at the time and read it on my phone.
He was actually really good about my worries and said he'll come up and speak to me tonight. I'm staying with my friend in my old town as we're supposed to be seeing another band tonight as DS has gone to London to see the Queen his dad's parents as its his grandads bday.
PO said he can be with me 7-8pm, I am stumped as to where to suggest to him to meet? I cant ask him to come to my friend's house as he rents a room and lives with his landlord.
Also supposed to be going to this band we've got tickets for in a city an hrs bus ride from the town we're staying in.
Hope this makes sense. I don't necessarily want to meet PO dressed up to go out because I don't want to look frivolous. If I go home to meet him I will miss the event we've got tickets for. For me, meeting PO is most important, obviously, but I don't want to let my friend down.
Does anyone have any ideas?

And, as always, Thank You for all the support

Just say that time isn't convenient, you have pre-arranged plans. It will probably be quite tricky to change time for today with PO, sounds as if he is on some kind of late shift. I would suggest giving a list of dates/times when you are available.

Honestly, they won't think anything bad if you can't do tonight, after all, he only emailed yesterday to say today, so it isn't unreasonable that you've already got plans.

I'd tell him you are not in town today and will be back tomorrow or can meet him on monday evening.

Its just today would be ideal because from tomorrow I'll have DS with me, meaning I'd have to wait at least another week.

Plus PO has funny shifts.

I sometimes wonder if you are at my uni as we have a lot of h34lth courses - though not my area - I am always full of admiration for students with children & more so when coping with what you have been going through - well done sure koko

I really would not worry about looking frivolous. What you look like or don't look like should make no difference to the PO. At all.
Hope you enjoy the gig.

I guess I was just worrying about being seen as "I'll just talk to this PO about a serious crime..then I'm off out partying!".

Sure - I really wouldn't worry about that!

Sure - I'm a police officer and I wouldn't think that! I'd just think that as I only suggested it yesterday, for a Saturday night, that you had plans you couldn't change, especially if you replied back to say that. You've waited months for them to deal with it, its a little unreasonable to expect you to be free with one days notice.

I would imagine PO is in plain clothes, so that being the case, couldn't DS play in the bedroom or something if he came to visit when he was there?

Okay, well I'm on the bus, meeting PO in his car (!) in the city as their technology isn't compatible (?) so P station in that city is pointless..... ....
Anyway I will listen to everything he says and ask all the questions I can think of.

Good luck, sure - wishing you calmness and composure and that you get everything you want/need out of this meeting

Hope it goes OK and you are able to enjoy rest of your evening Sure.

Hope you have a really good evening, Sure

I feel horrendous right now, tbh. And I don't mean hungover.
How do I even start getting over this?

Oh Sure.... hard as it is, I think you just keep on keeping on, and some days you'll notice that you really have gone for hours without even thinking about "him". Then one day you'll notice it's been 3 days, etc. In the meantime, be good to your son and to anyone else you come across. Finding that you have it in yourself to be generous and kind is just the best feeling in the world!! This is a great time of year for that, too.
I worried about becoming a bitter person due to my divorce, and I worked with a counsellor to avoid that, but part of the picture was helping a teenager whose mother was out-of-town for an extended time. I still feel good now, many years later, that I was able to be kind to him, help him learn to drive, etc. even though I was hurting so much.

You have already proved how strong and intelligent you are; if you don't feel it temporarily, try to believe it will return to you.

How do get over this?
There is no Magic Bullet.

You keep breathing, in, and out more slowly.
You keep putting one foot in front of the other.
You try very hard to only consider one problem at a time.

Don't get too far ahead of yourself - deal with what's in front of you.

Have a hot, sugary drink or some soup - something warm.
{{hugs}}

Thank you.
I guess I'll try to update once DS is in bed.. I just feel so very bad about myself and the whole situation.. Having chest pains! :(
So very, very down.

What pacific said.

Sure, I do think it's helpful to only think (& worry!) about the most pressing thing. Whatever it is that you need to do next. But what about visualising a sort of warm, fuzzy, glowy future somewhere in the distance. Sorry I'm not describing it very well, but just something not too concrete, (so you don't have to worry about all the individual steps you need to take to actually get there) but somewhere that you know you will eventually reach.

Sorry for all this waffle, but it's something I do and I find it helps when things are threatening to overwhelm me.

Sending you hugs and admiration.