Being heard: Sure's journey (thread 3)

[surereadyforchange]

previous (2nd) thread

What to say? Abusive rapist ex reported, Police Statement given over a month ago and he is still blissfully unaware, still messaging, and nothing has happened.

Hang in there, sure.

Morning Sure, I hope you have slept well. I have been following your thread but felt with no experience I have nothing helpful to add, however with everything that has happened in the last few days I wanted to delurk to add my voice to your support.

You are an amazingly strong woman who is being a wonderful mother to her son. Your strength is protecting him as well as you and your speaking out and being brave will not only protect your family but possibly others further into the future. Your standing up to him also shows others in similar positions it is possible, your telling of this story will provide hope to other women as well.

Keep going, stay strong, hug DS and know there are many of us here who believe in you. I can't imagine, can't offer advice but can offer unmumsnetty hugs, and immense admiration.

I will go back to hiding now

I've suggested it before, but am going to say it again: sure, if you have any way if contacting twunt's Ex, perhaps you'll let her know what you've done. No detail; just the basics. You said you thought he might have treated her similarly, perhaps she'll feel emboldened to report him as well.

Then it wouldn't be all about you IYSWIM.

Got placement 'handover' of a project this morning, have barely slept -wish me luck. Feel like the migraine is hovering

Good luck sure.

Morning Sure

Have just caught up with thread. Lots of wise words and sage advice already given....understandable that your emotions are in turmoil. Hope today goes well and you are able to focus on placement project.

Hang in there.....you are doing great.

I am very grateful. For the support of everyone who has posted on this thread, the opportunity to carry out such an amazing project, and for having to knuckle down today and show I'm capable- although I haven't eaten or slept and feel like crying (!) I can't lose this opportunity. And it helps to have something to focus on other than 'him', today.

sure I haven't commented on your thread before, but I've got caught up in your story. Just wanted to reiterate everything that's been said - you are doing wonderfully well, and yes, concentrate on doing all you need today - this is your future, and it looks good!

Hey Sure

You are capable. Extremely capable. Don't you forget that!

Today, try to think practical. Ask yourself "What do I need to do next?"

If you havent eaten/slept, keeping your energy at a level that will allow you to keep going is important. If nothing else, keep sipping at a bottle of water to stay hydrated. Ideally, nibble some biscuits or an energy bar if you can't face proper food.

You won;t be able to focus on this amazing project if you have nothing inside you, so try to make that one of your first practical steps today: nourish your body so that your mind can function and make the most out of this opportunity

Good luck!

I'm so excited. I don't want to out myself by saying too much about the pr0ject but its to do with collecting l1fe st0ries. From w0men with aforementioned issues. Obviously a lot more involved than that but theres a lot of training opportunities and my educat0r was absolutely lovely.

Congratulations!! You deserve it! I'm so glad you have something to focus on that is a positive and will keep your mind busy and off of "him". Do try to eat something; my fall-back is always yogurt, which may not suit you, but there must be something you can always get down. A banana? Broth with toast? Could you eat with a friend? Chicken soup?Please take care of yourself; you wouldn't expect DS to keep going without eating.....

Sounds very interesting, I hope you enjoy it and it helps you to refocus on the fact that there are many positive things ahead for you.

Dont forget to eat something!

How fantastic to hear you sounding so upbeat about it. Keep that in the forefront of your mind from now on, doing this for YOU.

Brilliant! Well done! That sounds like a fantastic opportunity, I'm so pleased for you!

Oh sure, you rock! I can only ever post briefly on my phone at the moment so I don't feel I'm contributing much, but had to post because that sounds like an incredible project and it's wonderful to hear you sounding so fired up about it. You are doing this. You are getting through this to somewhere better. You are MAKING the somewhere better. You are amazing.

Congratulations sure!

Eat bananas.

You should be very pleased with yourself sure .
But I don't think any of us who have followed this thread are at all surprised at the faith your tutors have put in you. I hope you are able to make what you want of this fab opportunity.

So chuffed for you

sure, so pleased to hear you sounding excited and upbeat about your project - it sounds fascinating.

And sorry to have left you abruptly last night - pesky RL children had demands

You are so capable and kind and strong and have this desire to do 'right' by everybody - so move your life on and reap the rewards of all your hard work.

Remember: A life well lived is the best 'revenge'.

Thanks all!
Whitsernam - I took the yogurt advice, also made a vege rogan josh this evening, picked at it but at least its something. Lunch for tomorrow.

Thank you all for the lovely words, they mean so, so much to me.

Pacific, no worries, those pesky RL kids ;)
I got DS early and we made those snowflakes that you snip out of a circle and stuck them on the window. He is so sweet, he likes the Christmas songs like Rockin' around the xmas tree etc but he LOVES the traditional hymns sung by a big choir, he gets all emotional ( so do I to be fair, Christmas does tend to make me sad these days, especially with how fractured my family is and since my Nanna passed away).
Then we watched Frozen (again) during which I made a phonecall upstairs to the p. force dealing with my case, even though the PO is not back til 6pm Friday. As an aside, I wouldn't have had the balls to ring about this 2 months ago!
I just wanted to know the processes, and timescales, and the what ifs.
He said a lot but main bits are that now 'he's been arr3sted and bailed, he cant c0ntact me. That collecting further ev1dence, building case, waiting for cr0wn PS etc, going to c0urt etc will take 6 months - a yr...

If I want to drop the c4se I need to withdr4w st8ment, PO will need to speak to me and I sign a form, but the good bit is that I get to say WHY i'm doing it, and I can make a point about how long its taken. hopefully that in conjunction with my complaint might change things for others in the future.
He may still be pr0secuted by p0lice but I wont have to be involved.
6 months to a yr of this hanging over my head sounds like torture.

Can I just talk about my placement for 2 secs, the whole thing is working on the fact that people who tend to have MH probs, it can stem from attachm3nt in babyhood, so this is 1ntervention at the earliest stage. Stories raise awareness, stop people feeling like they're the only one going through it and (IMO) telling your story can be a th3rapeutic t00l for h3aling.

Sorry about all the numbers I don't want it to be searchable.

Presentation to entire cohort tomorrow morning

Good luck with the presentation this morning, Sure. x

Sure, you will knock their socks off.

Which us kind of a cruel thing to do in this weather.

GooD luck with the presentation, and well done for calling the police and getting all the information - hopefully understanding how you are ultimately in control of how much involvement you want, it may help you.

Presentation, tick! PO hopefully ringing when he comes on shift tomorrow at 6pm.
Just got to get through pta xmas fair which I'm regretting volunteering for!
I feel emotionally exhausted. I've just typed out 3 pages on how i feel, it was cathartic and also clarifying to read back to myself.
Its truly amazing the range of emotions and the way i have changed over the past 2 months. Feels a bit like when farmers burn everything to the ground to encourage new growth.

That's a great analogy, sure.

Your placement sounds great. Good luck with the presentation to orrow

Go Sure! I've been lurking a while but always dipping in to see how you are. And you seem to be going great guns. Your confidence in calling the PO and asking for stuff and making decisions is a testiment to the pain you have endured to get you to where you are. I know where you are is not where you want to end up, but it is a long way further than where you started.

Your project sounds great- attachment (and lack of it) is a fascinating area of study and is increasingly being seen as key to so many childhood and adult life problems.

Whatever you decide to do about you withdrawing charges is entirely within your control. YOU can make the decision and you can take your time over it. Let it settle a while now if he is now leaving you alone, see how you feel in a few weeks when you have had time to get used to no calls or texts and knowing that you are safe.

All the xmas busy stuff will go once school ends and you will have the peace that that season brings for many. You can kick off your shoes on 24 Dec and relax with your boy knowing that 2014 was a year of pain and rebirth.

I wish you and your boy the best Christmas, I am certain that there will be even better ones in the future as you grow in strength.

Orange x