DH made a confession - do men/women really go to these lengths to as out someone they fancy?

[RainbowDash123]

Yesterday evening my husband out the the blue landed a bomb on me due to his guilt. Now I'm not sure if I can believe his version of events as to me this doesn't sound normal.

So 2 weeks ish ago DH got a weeks free trial at a huge gym. I used to be a member there myself.

He said that on the first day he went there after his work out, him and his friend stayed for a drink at the juice bar on the way out of the gym. (I know they serve free drinks and it does get packed out) he said he was sat with his mate then his mate recognised someone he knew so went and sat at another table for 5 mins. Other people started joining him at his table.

This woman joined him and started making convocation and introduced herself and he told her his name.

A couple of days later he saw her again and they briefly spoke, and the next time he saw her they just smiled and waved at one another.

He free trial was then up and he never went back.

Last week he went out Xmas shopping, the shopping centre he was at was a couple of mins from the gym. Before heading home he had a quick ciggie and checked his phone. There was a text from "gym girl" saying she hadn't seen him lately. Anyway long story short after texting a couple of times she asked him to meet her in the pub round the corner (as it was a coincidence they were so close)

According to him nothing happened, it was a quick drink. She asked if he was single and he said he was happily married and wasn't quite sure what he was doing here with her. So he said sorry and left.

Now he has said he didn't find her attractive and she was about 8-10years younger than me. But they did have quite a bit in common.

Now here's the bit I can't get my head round, he never gave her his number. He had to sign into the gym every time so say a form left on reception that all non members sign and he had to put his number on. He swears this is how she got it.

My heads in a bit of a pickle at the mo as this is so strange. And apperntly gym girl now won't stop texting him.

So, do people really go to these lengths to hunt down people they like?

I'd love to hear your stories as this is kinda serial and I've never had anything like this happen to me.

I think Garlic raises a good point. Does your DH find himself in these situations when you are there? Or does he only misread women's intentions when he's on his own?

It doesn't seem that plausible to me that she 'stole' his number from the sign-in sheet. If the gym was busy, people would notice her flicking through the sheet, looking for a number. And if it was quiet, then the staff would definitely notice what she was doing. It also seems a little odd that he has his work phone with him to go to the gym. He has it with him when he's shopping but when you might want to see it to check his story, he's left it in the office.

It sounds to me that he was worried you'd spotted some of the texts already (possibly referring to them meeting) and he was covering his backside.

I'd be VERY interested in how she got his number, who can remember a mobile number off the top of their head? I bumped into an ex years ago at a club, he asked for my number (pre-mobiles!!!) I told him it, it was about 9-10 digits long and walked away saying if he can remember that to call me. He ran and found a bouncer with a pen to write it on his hand. He did ring. I turned him down.

So I don't believe she read his number and remembered. I think he told her it. I also don't think this is damage limitation as 'somebody saw him in the pub', I think he woke up and realised what he was doing was wrong.

So if she DID steal his number he was still in the wrong for going for a drink.

Does he have an unusual first name? I only ask because it's unlikely in his version of events that she would have known his surname. People don't tend to introduce themselves to casual acquaintances with surnames (this is real life not James Bond).

If he has an unusual first name, then yeah I suppose if the gym staff really are stupid they could leave a list of phone numbers on reception, she could have spotted his number easily and taken it down. But say his name is James (for example), there's probably lots of James on the list. Did she memorise all their numbers and call them all til she got lucky?

We have had a talk and the phone will be coming home tonight. I've told him if the phone has been tampered with then he's out! He doesn't know I will be able to see in his call log!

He has said he is 100% telling the truth and said I can have the work phone this eve and SMS her myself pretending to be him (I don't really want to do that as if she gets a reply this could get worse)

The not bringing his phone home this weekend is quite common he's pretty forgetful but has said he is getting daily quite a few texts from her so that is the reason why. Not because I will snoop but if a SMS comes through whoever is closer will read it out.

I'm just waiting for him to leave to check the receipts out.

And yes this isn't the first time.

Woman 1: at work, one of my best mates cousin to be truthful. It was a bit of a DV situation going on there I do vaigly know her DP and he has got issues. He befriended her as she was coming in with bruses. And she did get a bit attached but he helped fuel that.

Woman 2. From work on a temp contact flirting with him. Can't remember how that ended he told me about it and we spoke together on how to approach.

Woman 3, cleaner at his work. The intercom was down so she needed a few peoples numbers so she could guarantee she could get in.
I've met her, really nice lady very friendly. 20+ yrs older than DH just started SMSing that she was falling for him and how she could leave her husband for him. Totally bazaar situ that was resolved but she's changed jobs and did briefly start again.

I'm starting to think these things don't keep happening for no reason.

Goodness op, reading your examples it's as plain as day and I hope you can see it too!
She keeps sending him daily messages that's why he left the phone at work? She must be very desperate to keep messaging him even though he has told her he's not Interested.

He said you could message her pretending to be him off course he could warn her beforehand. He has an answer for everything doesn't he.

Hmmm OP.

Something about the tale doesn't sit right. I suspect your DH isn't as innocent in this as he makes out.

I do hope that it is all a misunderstanding, but you need to be on guard and prepared to think through all the option.s

God luck.

He could change her contact number to one of his friends and get them to answer it pretending to be her, make sure you look for any unrecognised/unlisted numbers in the call log too..

You're totally correct, op. These things don't keep happening for no reason

If I were you, I'd want to see the itemised bill for his work phone. Is it accessible online? There's no telling what will have been deleted from his phone by the time he remembers to bring it home...

He does quite often attract randoms especially on holiday yes. And at least on one occasion we had a strange experience in a pub we ordered food as you do from the waitress after we paid for the bill and she headed him a recipet saying call me with her number and a smiley face. He did nothing to encourage that!

He's just getting ready to go.

Last night I was racking my brain for details and I came out with the following:

Left here: 7:00
Would have got to shopping complex: 7:20 (ish give or take a few)
Was back about 9:05 as he sms me at 8:45 to say he was on his way back.

So from what else I've been told.
Ciggie (never smokes in car) 5mins
Drive to gym complex: 5 mins from where he was
Get parked as it was orange wed at cinema and its usually packed right out: 5mins
If he was parked at the back of complex: 5min walk to pub each way = 10mins.

So now I need to find those receipts as he could of been in there a while with her if his gifts do not show last weds date on them.

The not bringing his phone home this weekend is quite common he's pretty forgetful but has said he is getting daily quite a few texts from her so that is the reason why

She's still texting because he hasn't shut down the situation for what ever reason.
Your husband is a bull shitter - stop being so naive

He said, after making arrangements to meet her, 'I'm married, I shouldn't be here.'

It took him until the first, let's face it, date for him to back out ? It took until then for his conscience to kick in ? Gym Girl is probably having hurt feelings and also feeling like he's led her on. Or maybe not ?

I accept he's acting the innocent, however, one of these days, he's going to get his fingers burnt.

It's going to end in tears (yours) with him looking bewildered, wondering what happened and how it went wrong.

He needs to tell you the absolute truth about what's been going on regarding texts etc etc.

Wow!
How desperate and sad do you have to BE to flirt with a man and hand him your phone number while he is SAT with his wife or girlfriend?

we had a strange experience in a pub we ordered food as you do from the waitress after we paid for the bill and she headed him a recipet saying call me with her number and a smiley face. He did nothing to encourage that!

Wow!
How desperate and sad do you have to BE, to flirt with a man and hand him your phone number while he is SAT with his wife or girlfriend?

I have I idea about the phone bill, it's a contact phone but assume it goes to the accounts department.

His first name, slightly unusual. It's a old school name and you wouldn't hear it very often now a days. It was old school when he was a baby think along the lines of Geoff or Trevor.

I need to go back through my phone convo log and see if I can find what phone he was using that day also.

Would he put his work number on that phone, yes he would. It's a old number and he gets so many spam messages and calls every day as they recycle the numbers so when one employe goes another will get it.

His personal mobile is pretty new and never gets rubbish like that sent to him.

You need to have a sit down and a serious chat with him about boundaries within a marriage.
It sounds as if he is being too helpful with members of the opposite sex.
Don't you find it strange that it's always women that he's friendly with.

He offers a shoulder to cry on?

He befriended her as she was coming in with bruses.

And this:

cleaner at his work. The intercom was down so she needed a few peoples numbers so she could guarantee she could get in.

Why did she ask him specifically? Why not go to the other people that work there for 'help'

The reason she went to your husband is because he is being ultra friendly with them (women at work) so they feel a connection with him and then some get too attatched.

Strangely how this friendliness never seems to extend to the men he works with.
Surely men must need numbers and need people to listen to them as well?

Yes, OP - A calm, direct chat about what it means to be married is needed.

Brian?

OP tbh even if your DH is now telling the truth there are still some serious issues that need to be addressed. For example why he didn't tell you straight away? Why when he had left the pub and the texts continued he didn't think to himself that he should tell you.

Something made him come clean and I'd be doubtful to believe it was just a little bit of guilt. If it was where was that guilt before now?

I'm sorry but generally speaking I would at a minimum believe about how she originally got in touch but if it's true I would bargain on him relishing the attention. Maybe an ego boost? It's not the end of the world if that's the case, but he should be being honest with you now.

It's only my opinion but it sounds to me like you're only getting half a story

He's encouraging these women Op. I'll bet with the waitress he gave her a wink on the sly and referred to you as his 'sister' when you were out of earshot.

The stories from work also indicate he was a 50/50 participant in encouraging the women.

He's 'spinning' these stories to make himself look like a passive recipient of all these advances. Theres's too much coincidence in his stories.

I think he sails a bit close to the wind, enjoys the attention and backs out (panics) when their response gets close to breaching his boundaries.

scarlet I thought the same about the waitress and then thought I was being overly suspicious!

Yes. With the waitress, I bet he was staring pointedly at her whenever you weren't looking. So she got the message that he was interested.
OP, next time you're in a restaurant (or anywhere really), pretend to be busy looking at something else (eg look at the menu), but watch him carefully. I think you will get a shock.
This man isn't as innocent as he wants you to believe.

As somebody else said, I don't think he follows through (a coward?) but he definitely gets an ego boost from all the flirting.

So far, I'm with Vivacia.

One of my brothers isn't what you'd call handsome, but has an extremely open face - he is a really nice person, and his face just happens to convey that (I don't see the same in mine, but it's logical to suppose I've got an 'open' face too!) The world's full of screwed-up people who draw incorrect conclusions, thinking everything's about them & missing the bigger picture. At the very least, your H needs to get a bit more suspicious.

I'm still trusting your instincts, Rainbow. Good luck.

Did he show you the receipt from the waitress or was she too blatant?

I am starting to wonder why he is telling you all about it. Either he wants to have an excuse if he's caught out, or he's enjoying keeping you on your toes, telling you he's wanted elsewhere.
It sort of reminds me of my exH. I was never the jealous type, whereas he was, but he would tell me about how women came on to him at work.

I also wouldn't believe his mate went to the juice bar with him in the first place.

I think he either went alone or with the gym bunny woman.