DH made a confession - do men/women really go to these lengths to as out someone they fancy?

[RainbowDash123]

Yesterday evening my husband out the the blue landed a bomb on me due to his guilt. Now I'm not sure if I can believe his version of events as to me this doesn't sound normal.

So 2 weeks ish ago DH got a weeks free trial at a huge gym. I used to be a member there myself.

He said that on the first day he went there after his work out, him and his friend stayed for a drink at the juice bar on the way out of the gym. (I know they serve free drinks and it does get packed out) he said he was sat with his mate then his mate recognised someone he knew so went and sat at another table for 5 mins. Other people started joining him at his table.

This woman joined him and started making convocation and introduced herself and he told her his name.

A couple of days later he saw her again and they briefly spoke, and the next time he saw her they just smiled and waved at one another.

He free trial was then up and he never went back.

Last week he went out Xmas shopping, the shopping centre he was at was a couple of mins from the gym. Before heading home he had a quick ciggie and checked his phone. There was a text from "gym girl" saying she hadn't seen him lately. Anyway long story short after texting a couple of times she asked him to meet her in the pub round the corner (as it was a coincidence they were so close)

According to him nothing happened, it was a quick drink. She asked if he was single and he said he was happily married and wasn't quite sure what he was doing here with her. So he said sorry and left.

Now he has said he didn't find her attractive and she was about 8-10years younger than me. But they did have quite a bit in common.

Now here's the bit I can't get my head round, he never gave her his number. He had to sign into the gym every time so say a form left on reception that all non members sign and he had to put his number on. He swears this is how she got it.

My heads in a bit of a pickle at the mo as this is so strange. And apperntly gym girl now won't stop texting him.

So, do people really go to these lengths to hunt down people they like?

I'd love to hear your stories as this is kinda serial and I've never had anything like this happen to me.

Get yourself to the gym, for a free trial & see what you have to write on the form.

So sorry to hear about this problem. I am sure you will sort it out.

But ask yourself what you would do or how you would feel if someone got in touch with you after taking your number from somewhere like that.
I wouldn't respond. I would find it creepy to be perfectly honest.

Honest Lie

(This is a bit off point but in response to your "how would you feel" question, it fascinates me the way the same facts can be told in completely different ways and how revisionist people are about their relationship origins.

So "how would you feel" basically depends on how you feel about the person. If you clicked with a man like that, thought he was gorgeous, and then you ended up together, this story would be told as "it was so romantic. he didn't have my number but managed to track me down". Conversely, if you didn't, you are right it would just be a bit creepy.

People who end up together always like to feel a bit special and their story is unique - so they gloss over the inconvenient parts (he actually seemed like a stalker!) and weave a tapestry of fantastical romantic magic.

Sorry - a bit off topic and tangential)

I've "hunted" down a guys number before, met him once at a party and then was too drunk to ask for his number. I then got a friend to ask a friend who worked with him to get his number. The difference is I knew he was single, I would never have text him if I knew he was with someone.

The gym girl obviously knows that your husband is married, surely she would have at least seen his wedding ring.

I think your husband gave her his number and they have been flirting and that meeting up then would nave been the start of an affair, but then he realised that he could not go through with it and his guilt was too much.

Kim lots of married men don't wear a wedding ring. And lots of women don't care even if they are

And just to even up that statement. Lots of married men don't care even if they are married and wearing a weddng ring. And lots of men don't care if a women is wearing a wedding ring. Sad but true

I'd say he gave her his number.

I don't believe she did all the chasing. At all. But I'm cynical.

does he normally leave his work mobile at work?? Don't most people take it home? (isn't that kind of the point after all?)

Sounds like he's minimising what happened and you are believing him. He obviously gave her the number and met up with her. Have you read the texts? What do they say?

As for the other women who chased him at work? You need to cut through this BS. Poor him. Women think he wants more than friendship and it's happened how many times? He's playing you for a fool.

Why on earth would there numbers on a signing in form. He's lying.

I am friendly and chatty to strangers of the opposite sex and possibly come across as a bit naive. I've never had one of them ask me out. I put this down to not being wildly attractive but you also have said your DH is normal looking. I wear a ring and talk about my domestic life - if it's relevant. I find your husband's scenario a bit unlikely if I'm honest.

Why on earth would there numbers on a signing in form. He's lying.

I disagree. Often for walk-in free trials (eg. guest vouchers), they make you leave your contact information. At one gym I was a member of, they would make you leave a phone no if you were signing in for a very popular and oversubscribed class.

It's just like a tabular form [date] [name] [email][phone number] with a row for each new person, kept in a binder.

I'm not saying he's definitely telling the truth as there are other issues here, but in principle it's not impossible.

*leave a current phone

Bunny boiler types definitely do. They can be get an idea that they like someone and persue them till they succeed. Marriage means nothing to some women unfortunately. Married men are more attractive to insecure types. That said it is down to your OH to stop the texting. He could easily block her number couldn't he and also tell her bluntly to stop texting him.

It not so much her obtaining his number, but that he thought that meeting her was fine imo.

If he hadn't given her his number, why would he meet her as she had obviously gone to an effort to track him down.

What did he think that she wanted??!!

My husband used to go to a language class.

They had to introduce themselves.

He said his name & workplace & one of the women started phoning him at work!

If my best mate had told me what you have said I would tell her to wake up and smell the coffee!

4 th time this has happened?
She sends him a text to meet up and like a muppet he does. No mention that he's married. The text should have said something like ' it would have been nice but I'm married'. He should have told you he got tht text. He should have told you he was meeting her.

Don't be taken for a fool otherwise it will happen for a 5th time, 6th time etc.

The obvious way she got his number is that he gave it to her. That they have been texting and meeting. That they are doing so local to you and may have been seen.

I agree with the above.
The only reason he is telling you now is because more than likely, somebody who knows both of you saw them together, and he wants to get in with his 'version' of events - just in case the person who saw them decides to blab to you.

He's covering himself.

Kim lots of married men don't wear a wedding ring. And lots of women don't care even if they are

Well I didn't say she would 100% know that he was married because all married people wear rings. But chances are he does and also why wouldn't she ask the husbands friend about his situation.

I also resent that lots of women don't care if they are comment. So what if they don't? The married man still has a mind of his own, he can chose to say no to any advances.

Bunny boiler types definitely do

Really? You just used the phrase "bunny boiler". I couldn't take anyone seriously after using that.

I like overslept's explanation best

I also agree with Chipping - I can see myself doing what either of them did. I just don't assume everyone who wants to talk is trying to get off with me! I could easily have gone for a pint since I was already there, and wouldn't have mentioned it unless we were talking as soon as I got home ... but, as DH had already realised he'd misread that situation, maybe he felt embarrassed so kept it quiet for that reason?

I reckon yes, do your checks on the receipt and the text. If it all matches up, and he doesn't subsequently become excessively keen on going shopping/to the gym, it's a true story :)

I have to agree that it does sound suspiciously like he's trying to get his "I'm innocent" story in with you quickly, so I wonder if perhaps someone saw them together and he's doing damage control. Showing you his work phone means nothing - he'll have deleted anything incriminating anyway. My money says that he'll have one or two fairly tame texts and he'll have "accidentally" deleted the first one she sent him - which would go a long way in either supporting his story or blowing his lies out of the water.

SelfLoathing I agree with your post when it's a mutual attraction but if OP husband wasn't interested that way why did he not think it was bloody weird? And then why meet up with woman. My point is only that if you are in a happy marriage and genuinely not interested in the woman then the OPs husbands reaction doesn't make sense to me.

Now here's the bit I can't get my head round, he never gave her his number.

Now here's the bit I can't get my head round - your DH went to meet a young woman in a pub who he doesn't know how got his number. Do men really go to these lengths to meet young women who they don't find attractive?

I agree with you to HonestLie in this situation its the meeting up that is the problem

(I was idly musing about the way that the same thing can be seen differently depending on whether you are into a person or not - just general observations beyond this thread)

Kim Im sorry but I don't get it. What did I say that was strange regarding Bunny Boiler???