Why do some men suddenly go cold after three months?

[dontcallmehon22]

I've had two three month short relationships this year. Both with men who declared love very early on, were very very intense and passionate etc etc. Both dumped me after three months exactly. They both suddenly turned their feelings off like a light switch.

Guy two really hurt me. He'd introduced me to his family and friends, told me he'd never hurt me, bought me gifts, planned days out, cooked for me, talked about the future etc. He knew about guy one and told me to trust him, I was too important to him. He thought about me all the time. Thought about what our future would look like all the time. Then suddenly it's over and he disappears from my life. Just like that. No emotion. No explanation. He seemed to go off me a week before it happened, didn't seem as affectionate/complimentary.

I just don't understand it. I'm questioning what is wrong with me. My self esteem is at rock bottom right now.

He mentioned marriage on date 2. as in 'I've been married, so I'm not scared of commitment' and joking that he was going to marry me. His texting style was exactly like guy one. They even looked alike. Same height, glasses etc. They would text things like: 'I just want you all the time. I think about you all the time. I think about what 'it' might look like. All the time.' I would get Monday morning 'Miss you so much babe xxxx' texts when I'd only seen him the day before.

He even gave me his ipad. I found a naked picture of one of his exes on there, but that's a whole other story.

Nothing wrong with the coke bottle being personalised. That's sweet.
Its not always them its the way you behave too. Some men just back off very quickly when you start discussing the future back with them. Even though they have been the ones to start it. But mostly its not real.

Ha ha Gilbert - me too. Mine ended up in the bin. Couldn't bear to look at it.

They should grow up really, Nillia.

I think a lot of them genuinely think that it's what "women" want to hear.

I have always found that men fall "in love" quicker Gilbert. Its not often real love though, just lust but it makes them do mad things. If you slow it down and pace it out then they will either be in it for the long haul or you will see them leave quicker and realise they are not for you.

dontcallmehon22 Yeah he seemed really romantic and good because he's had practice with all sorts of women beforehand to perfect his 'game'. You were just another (willing) victim. It sounds like you enjoyed yourself though. Try to focus on the fact you had some good times with another person, instead of regretting that it never materialised into anything more?

They do believe that crap I think. One bad sign to look for in dating profiles are those guys who are looking for the 'one.' Guy 1 was. Guy 2 said 'I know she's out there. Somewhere.' They are v overly romantic. But not real.

Its also about protecting yourself and not giving it all away in the beginning until you really get to know the true them and they the true you.
Take what they say with a pinch of salt and just get on with your life and be busy doing your own thing. Don't let them be your everything so early. Much too soon. Don't do the texting thing either. Keep it simple and only text if needed. He can phone you if he really wants/needs to.

I bought a personalised bottle of Coke for a woman at work the other week; I think it had Barry on it.

On the flip side relationships are all about trying people out at the beginning.
People are allowed to change their minds as they get to know people more and decide they aren't for them.

The going over the top crazy infatuated is red flag of course but you need to work on your self esteem so you don't get caught up next time.

Not trying to be harsh..... it's just how you appear to come across. To be frank, there were a hell of a lot of oddities after a month yet you still ploughed on. Learn from it and move on.

They are allowed to change their minds, of course. It's just the contrast between crazy in love and then the disappearing act which is bizarre. He seemed to enjoy planning dates, thinking of different things to do. He was keen for me to meet his family very quickly. He started talking about Christmas in September. I hope I start to feel better soon. I feel like an absolute reject.

I liked him a lot though, cant. When you're in it and want to believe it, sometimes you don't see clearly I guess. Maybe I am naïve, but I'm not stupid.

Why do you feel like a reject? Relationships end all the time for for a whole plethora of reasons. Am sure you must have ended r'ships in the past. All part of life's rich tapestry. Don't feel like a reject. Being binned.....One of the risks we all take I guess in the quest to find love.

I suppose. It's just that it's happened twice in a year. Both after three months, when I'd really started to trust the guys.

It's just the contrast between crazy in love and then the disappearing act which is bizarre

Only if you refuse to entertain the idea that the initial 'crazy in love' phase was an act too.

I used to fall for this sort of crap too. You'll do better next time

When I stepped out of line - like getting drunk once in front of his friends and really embarrassing him, he was very angry and his feelings started to change quite quickly.

When you 'stepped out of line'? Who decided you embarrassed him..... you or him?

You are well rid. You will see that in time.

I think 3 months is generally around the time when people start to think whether they 'may just have a future' with the person they are dating or not and bale.

Early talk about a future etc is just that.....talk, don't encourage it or read too much into it in the early days. Actions speak louder than words.

He kept bringing over huge goblets of wine and we weren't eating till 9.30, as he'd already eaten at home before we made the arrangements to meet his mates. I ended up leaning on his shoulder at the dinner table and then had to go and be sick. I think I got a bit loud outside and he said 'they were new friends. You could see they were trying to be polite. You ruined their night as well.' I kept apologising but he was really angry. I don't think he could look at me in the same way after that.

Personally I can't stand men like this. I have ended relationships with blokes who are too keen too quick. I find there is something needy about them and I just find it suffocating. Maybe try a different type of fella than you usually go for next time!

They were both very perfectionist type men. Very concerned with image. I really felt like I'd let him down that night. I don't usually get that drunk, but because he was a very frequent and big drinker I'd end up drinking more than I normally would around him.

I liked him a lot though
I am really struggling, based on your posts, to see what exactly you liked.

He was gorgeous (to me). Tall and extremely charming. A massive flirt. He would shower you with affection. I always felt like the chosen one, He had a reputation with women (when he left his job for a new one there were loads of comments in his leaving card about not mixing business with pleasure etc etc) but he'd chosen me to commit to. He was a great cook. Fixed my TV when it was broken. Made me cups of tea and toast. Bought me sweets when we had movie nights. Took me to nice places and planned things for us.

dontcallmehon22 What were you saying when you being loud outside, do you remember? Were you being lairy/aggressive? Have you had problems with alcohol before?

"They were both very perfectionist type men. Very concerned with image."

Anal retentive, it sounds like.