In laws have ditched us for Christmas Day.

[TheLyingOldBitchAndHerWardrobe]

Pils have been to is for the past two years and were invited this year.

SIL (married to their other son) sent me a weird text the other day about having invited them to hers so they weren't alone on Christmas Day. I immediately replied and said but they are coming to ours? She replied with ok then. So I figured it was just a miscommunication.

Mil phoned dh this morning and said she hopes we don't mind but as SIL has invited them as well they are going there as they haven't been there before on Christmas Day. Dh said of course we don't mind.

Well actually I fucking well do mind. I turned down an invitation from my side of the family because we were hosting the PILs. We will now be spending the day just us which I've never done and IMO will be fucking boring. SIL is also having her parents. My family is now committed elsewhere and there is no room for us (we are a family of five).

I'm fucking raging. Dh won't hear a word against his parents but I think they are rude ignorant fucking arseholes for this. Would never ever say that in rl and we do all get on well.

Is it me? This is shockingly rude of them and SIL, isn't it?

Hahaha yes it gets worse!

I'll bring the salmon [hgrin]

Oh, didn't work

YANBU at all being annoyed (and yes I know this isn't AIBU but I couldn't believe some of the early replies!). Very happy it has worked out well though and absolutely see your own parents next year.

Make the most of it! People can go where they want!

Wow! Why are you quite so fucking incandescently furious about this?

OP, we got binned off by the inlaws last year when MIL went to watch HM The Queen go into church at Sandringham!!!
I didn't find out until about a week before and we were supposed to be going there for dinner!

Actually though, it was the best Xmas Day since I married her PFB!
We lounged around all day in our pjs - 'twas ace

Argh - Xmas is like this. I usually host (my house is big enough for everyone to sleep over because I think driving on Xmas day is crap) but this year both my siblings said they were busy. My mum made vague mewlings about spending their xmas alone so I said of course they were welcome here. Then one of my siblings (who's never ever hosted) invited my parents and they accepted. My mum said 'of course we have to go! We've never been invited before!' like somehow being a shit and infrequent host trumps being a good and regular one. Ho hum.

So it's just going to be me and DS. At first I was really sad and upset but then I realised that this is a bloody marvellous opportunity. We can do whatever we want without worrying about anyone else! We'll spend the day playing on the wii in our PJs and sharing a box of really expensive crackers. He'll eat chocolate and I'll eat a fabulous roast dinner and drink amazing wine and not have to share it. I think it's going to be pretty bloody awesome. And I'm going to leave the house in a total fucking mess and deal with it on boxing day rather than tidying up and putting the dishwasher on :o

Glad you are feeling better about it, FWIW this would upset me too. We have had similar situations with DHs parents, they were divorced and it was awful to arrange christmas as it was then FIL would say he was coming to dinner then he would change his mind. It's actually pretty hurtful.

MN has opened my eyes to the fact that a lot of people are not that close to their families so you will always get a lot of posts sayingbget over it and 'what's the problem' but to us Christmas is a time we spend lots of time together and I guess I always assumed other people were the same.

As much as I love DH and the DCs I couldn't imagine having Christmas Day just the 4 of us, we have always had a housefull and it would be strange for us.

Well, DH always says I have the sense of humour of a small child.

I hate it when he's right .

This is our first year not hosting. Boring? Can't wait we can do christmas how we like. I will not be up until late Christmas Eve preparing huge pans of veg etc, I won't have to wake up at stupid o'clock on Christmas Day to cook huge turkey, beef etc, and then spend the rest of the day being a fab hostess juggling everyone's wishes and needs. When I told dd 21 she said " what no queens speech at volume 68 and we can watch dr who in peace? It's perfect"
And Boxing Day can be spent at the sales not clearing up Armageddon. Enjoy the peace.

OP, take a deep breath.
And look forward to a lovely Christmas Day, when the only people you need to please are each other. Only 5 to cook for, so most prep done either the evening before or during the morning while DC play with/check out their new stuff, lunch at whatever time you want to eat because you don't have cook a massive turkey or joint, languid afternoon with the box of chocs and a bottle of port in front of whatever DVD you all decide to watch.

I understand that you are narked that you have missed the chance to be with your family because you had agreed to host the PILs, but don't let it ruin Christmas: you can still have a fab day.

Gah, thought I'd rtwt and hadn't.
Glad it's worked out well.

exactly op, everyones a winner aren't they?

But seriously don't ditch your own family because his parents 'will be on their own' every again. They've got each other anyway, I hadn't even considered that this would be a massive problem for two adults. In fact mil seems to be looking forward to it and it's not my fault, her dd's mil is totally ott about Christmas and sets who goes where for us too . It's only the second time we've broken the biannual protocol in 16 years and the other time was my parents.

I just can't understand why people don't communicate clearly. If the parents had accepted they could have phoned up and said 'would you mind if we went to x, she's never ha us before' however that hinges on op being understanding and sympathetic.

Op ball is in your court now, you can be the big person and clear the air, say something like 'we'll miss you bit hope u have a lovely time'. Or, start some sort I minor feud with bad feeling that will probably last months and spoil everyone's Xmas.

Life is too short for that in my book. If your family aren't great communicators then break the cycle and just accept that rather than escalating the situation.

Please can I come for Christmas old bitch
I have a house full of parents, inlaws and teenagers descending and whilst they are all lovely, I really miss Christmas with teeny children.

Happy to bring champagne and lobsters :)

Hope you have a lovely day

Your SIL sounds weird. I'm kind of surprised you are upset about losing two people that sound a bit boring. I do think they were rude but you sound a nice, cheery/oomphy sort of person, and those kinds, in my experience, are better at taking disappointments on the chin - perhaps they thought you would be equal to them pulling out.

I also think that if SIL is this weird they may be in a tight place, or wanting to try and take an opportunity to bond they don't often get. I think you should consider them having good reasons for this and thinking that if they have to upset someone, you would be the more understanding party (see earlier comment).

It's up to you whether in future years you forgive them, or do what you would really like to do with your family and leave them to lie in the bed they've made.

Christmas at yours sounds awesome. If you play board games into the evening I'll be even more jealous, although I realise many people would prefer to pickle their head than do that. I'm going to be lucky this year as M&D are hosting us and my PILS. We could be massive... not sure if my sis & bloke, and my GM will be coming either! Although am mildly terrified of the reports of this three-month snow fest of a Siberian winter cocking everything up.

I think that the chances of your SIL of having some kind of meltdown when she realizes what hosting involves and ditching your PILs at the last minute, are high. They could ALL be at yours on Christmas Day! Your SIL sounds utterly batshit.

I'd also be very clear to your DH and PIL that your family have first refusal next year. I think your PIL are very rude to do that to you.

We cook at home and go over to pils about 4 on Christmas Day. I love our tradition of staying at home and would happily not visit anyone in the afternoon on the day, One of us has a glass of wine with dinner the other doesn't as we has to drive over later which puts a bit of a dent on it. Enjoy it, it's great seriously!!

OP, next year just invite your parents. If your PILs ask to come, remind them of what happened this year.