In laws have ditched us for Christmas Day.

[TheLyingOldBitchAndHerWardrobe]

Pils have been to is for the past two years and were invited this year.

SIL (married to their other son) sent me a weird text the other day about having invited them to hers so they weren't alone on Christmas Day. I immediately replied and said but they are coming to ours? She replied with ok then. So I figured it was just a miscommunication.

Mil phoned dh this morning and said she hopes we don't mind but as SIL has invited them as well they are going there as they haven't been there before on Christmas Day. Dh said of course we don't mind.

Well actually I fucking well do mind. I turned down an invitation from my side of the family because we were hosting the PILs. We will now be spending the day just us which I've never done and IMO will be fucking boring. SIL is also having her parents. My family is now committed elsewhere and there is no room for us (we are a family of five).

I'm fucking raging. Dh won't hear a word against his parents but I think they are rude ignorant fucking arseholes for this. Would never ever say that in rl and we do all get on well.

Is it me? This is shockingly rude of them and SIL, isn't it?

Dh has already rolled over and said of course we don't mind. I don't care. I really don't. Christmas will be fine. I just wanted to find out if my reaction of feeling massively cunted over was just me. And clearly it is.

I would be pissed off as I would see it as them accepting a better offer, seeing as they had accepted and then changed their minds. Could you casually invite yourselvesto SILs? I would drop it into conversation just to stir it up a bit!!

We don't see PIL on Christmas Day as SIL who is fecking wonder woman has hosted them at her house for years and frankly she's welcome to them as they are bloody hard work.

Sil knew OP was hosting the Ils.

I wonder if Sil's gone off you for some reason and has planned this to irk you?

No I don't think you are being U.

Horrid of them.

Would love it though if your DH called them back and said 'Sorry Mum, have just checked with TLOB and we now can't rearrange with her side of the family as we put them off for you. So we're going to stick to the original agreement and you come to us, otherwise we'll be left alone. Hope that's ok.'

They probably wouldn't have a clue what to say!!

Well, it's not what you had planned for and that can be upsetting, you made compromises to suit them and they made you feel second best when a better offer came along. But, on the plus side, your PILs have freed you from future obligation. This year you turned down a preferable offer because you didn't want them to have nowhere to go, next year you can do whatever the hell you like and spend it with your parents. In fact, mention to your PIL in January that you will be spending Christmas 2015 with your parents so that they have plenty of time to make their own arrangements.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, I'd be pissed off too, but then I'd look at all of the work that I now didn't need to do, and I'd crack open the champagne and put my feet up

You can get cheap flights to Stockholm just before Christmas for £40 each one way

If you'd officially invited them and they'd accepted it is rude of them but personally I'm jealous. I'd love to spend Christmas day with just the five of us!

Not nice to refer to spending christmas with your husband and children as boring, what an awful thing to say.

Perhaps the PIL thought it as enough notice to change plans given it's weeks away. Maybe they feel pressured to attend and SIL wants a family christmas for once. Who knows but it's not something I could get worked up about providing they were happy with their plans and enjoying themselves.

No. You are quite right to be upset with this. It is so rude and upsetting that your DH won't at least accept his parents were rude.

I would just try to forget the whole thing and have a lovely cosy family Christmas. After all it's less stress and cooking for you and maybe a bit more relaxing.

It will come to light eventually why they changed their minds but for now think of your family.

Obviously it's a bit wrong to go back on an accepted invitation, but it's not like it happened on Christmas Eve and they spoke directly with their son about it.

But personally it just wouldn't bother me, nevermind leave me raging.

I think a lot of people men will do anything for a quiet life, whereas some women will get worked up over something like this.

If it were me I'd go out of my way to appear happy as Larry with the situation. I'd gush how lovely it'll be for Sil to have all of them there. Then I'd book somewhere really exotic for dss dp and myself.

Yanbu (evenevenif this isn't aibu! ) they were rude and inconsiderate and your sil was weird at best. Obviously there's nothing you can do but make the best of a quiet one this year (can you think of anything you couldn't do with pil but would like to?). I'd be pretty cunted off too Fwiw.

We had Christmas with just the four of us (me, DH and DSs 4 and 6 at the time) last year and it was fantastic! I hadn't realised how much I was stressing out getting the house sorted before people arrived and then tidying up after them, and feeding them all and cleaning up afterwards. With only us there it was no hassle, and the boys were old enough to get excited and to join in with stuff like carol concerts. We are doing it again this year - I hope you have a lovely family time too!

I'd want the in-laws to know that SIL had run this by you and been 'ok' with you not changing plans, I'd want them to know that she wanted to invite them so she and BIL wouldn't be 'alone' (and yet - her parents are also going), I would want them to know that you had turned down the offer of going to your parents' big family Christmas because you and PIL had talked about them coming over throughout the year and then they had confirmed they were coming three weeks ago.

I wouldn't want to give them any chance to look back on you being pissed off about this as you just being unreasonable and a bit mad, and SIL being completely innocent.

YANBU - they have been horribly rude.

But the silver lining here is that you now NEVER need to invite them for Christmas again.

Make plans with your family every year and just tell them that you're "sure they won't mind."

Your responsibility for giving a fuck how they spend Christmas officially ended the second they ignored an accepted invitation for a better offer.

Ooooo I'd do this.

To be alone with my husband and children for Christmas would be my dream come true:-)

Thank you.

I am calm now. I was fucking raging! I think with a big step back this will be lovely. I can stay in my Christmas pjs and drink prosecco and the kids will have a ball and it will be amazing.

It will be lovely!

And next year you can have the Christmas with your family that you would have liked. :)

YANBU to be disappointed that your plans have fallen through but it doesn't sound like they were intentionally taking the mick either. It's a decent amount of notice and they did ask if you mind.

Sounds like they were a bit stuck with not being able to please everyone and had to make a choice based on who needed them most (as SIL is needy would she cope?). Maybe take it as a compliment that they felt like they could rely on you to be pragmatic rather than not be able to cope with the offer being turned down (as in the case of SIL).

Is there anything else that you're cross with them about? I find it easy to overreact to a small thing when I'm already irritated about something else...

Could you ask SIL if she'd like to joint host with you (you and her be in charge of planning and making food together or something) so that you could all be together for the day?

That's the spirit

I agree that if they have already accepted your invitation it is a bit cheeky to just accept another one, but perhaps being asked by SIL is a real treat for them because she never asks and they would love to have the chance to spend the day with their daughter for once.

I think you should take a deep breath and be magnanimous, say you hope they have a lovely day and then enjoy the freedom of you, DH and DCs being able to do as you like without having to take anyone else into account.

And the other advantage is, now the pattern is broken, you can accept whatever invitation you like next year without having to feel guilty or take them into account.

Glad you feel a bit better. I agree it is all very bad-mannered.

Looking on the (rather nasty) bright side, what'll probably happen is:

• SIL who, "doesn't do hosting and finds it stressful" will probably provide a less brilliant Christmas than you.

• SIL won't enjoy her Christmas as much as usual because of the stress. She will wish she hadn't invited them.

• PIL won't enjoy it as much as coming to yours

• You on the other hand will have a lovely relaxed day

• PIL will expect an invitation to yours next year

• You will have the utter pleasure of saying "No sorry we are going to my parents, we were invited last year and I turned them down because you said you were coming to us, but then you changed your mind . . . Anyway, water under the bridge but I am not missing out again this year."

Maybe it was your bil who really invited them but, as these things usually fall to women to organise, the official invitation came from your sil? As you're clearly an extrovert, why don't you book your meal at a restaurant so you can be surrounded by people

I think I am primed to find SIL annoying because historically she has behaved in what can only he described as a batshit crazy fashion towards me. But I thought we were over all that.

To clarify, sil meant so they (pils) weren't alone for Christmas. Which was odd odd odd as she KNEW they were coming here.

Rather than be a normal person and say 'actually, this year I do feel able to have the pils over so would you mind?' she feigned ignorance of the plans and did it this way.