In laws have ditched us for Christmas Day.

[TheLyingOldBitchAndHerWardrobe]

Pils have been to is for the past two years and were invited this year.

SIL (married to their other son) sent me a weird text the other day about having invited them to hers so they weren't alone on Christmas Day. I immediately replied and said but they are coming to ours? She replied with ok then. So I figured it was just a miscommunication.

Mil phoned dh this morning and said she hopes we don't mind but as SIL has invited them as well they are going there as they haven't been there before on Christmas Day. Dh said of course we don't mind.

Well actually I fucking well do mind. I turned down an invitation from my side of the family because we were hosting the PILs. We will now be spending the day just us which I've never done and IMO will be fucking boring. SIL is also having her parents. My family is now committed elsewhere and there is no room for us (we are a family of five).

I'm fucking raging. Dh won't hear a word against his parents but I think they are rude ignorant fucking arseholes for this. Would never ever say that in rl and we do all get on well.

Is it me? This is shockingly rude of them and SIL, isn't it?

BalloonSlayer you do know how the PM system works? How the rule about not outing namechanging works? If not, you should, you have been here long enough.

It's ok, not Balloons fault, I have pretty comprehensively outed myself there. I will ask for the name post to be deleted though, if you don't mind, just so as not to make it too easy for my adoring fans to track me .

Of course it's rude for people to accept an invitation and then tell the hosts they've had a better offer!

But OP you will enjoy it! I always have a houseful from Xnas Eve to 28th and beyond.

Then one year it snowed and everyone cried off. It was bliss. Bliss I tell ya!

Also, I think it's a good thing that the 'what always happens' has been broken. Traditions are nice but when they become sacrosanct it can be hard work.

I wish our Xmases were less set in stone

TheLyingOldBitchAndHerWardrobe I'm glad you have calmed down a bit now :) Inviting your cousin and family sounds like a good plan if you enjoy the company, but if they already have plans then go to your previous plan (spending the day in PJ's playing games)... my idea of the perfect Christmas :)

Yes, they have been rude & hurtful, but you know what - it gives you a lot of freedom going forward.

I'd be very very very tempted to send SIL a text along the lines of 'I'm so pleased you have invited the PIL's, it's really give us the opportunity to enjoy Christmas this year, without all the drama - thank you x'

Sorry OP

Thank you for your post Trills, you are quite right.

Chipping - you are rude and patronising.

get a grip .

I dream of it only being us having cleverly sidestepped the in laws (we need to be there boxing day) my mum pointed out if we didn't do Christmas we wouldn't see them at all. So ok we'll see them.

You are being irrational as you don't really want them I suspect. But I sympathise because my mil gives me irrational rages also at times.

Come on its only dinner in a month's time and agree NOW that it is only fair to go to your parents next year. And if in laws are on their own next year so what? I think mine are this year they aren't crying into their tea about it

I'd be over the moon to have a Christmas off. I don't really see what the problem is unless your husband & kids are particularly dull...

Sorry again OP, I have just seen your latest post. I didn't actually think it was you, I said it more as a "Blimey that SIL sounds as bad as xxx's" thing. well obviously I didn't really think at all, and continued not to think because . . .

Chipping - sorry I just bit your head off, I was v rude there and you were quite right.

Don't worry about it.

I have and I'm watching shit telly while everyone is out and I'm feeling very zen about the whole thing. My cousin and his lovely wife and their adorable dd are coming for Christmas Day and it will be a day full of noise and laughter instead of a day making polite small talk with the ILs.

"I just wanted to find out if my reaction of feeling massively cunted over was just me."
No, I'd have felt the same. It's rude to accept an invitation then back out in favour of another invite.

But - did your PIL feel this is a 'better' offer? Or did they feel they HAD to accept batshit DIL's invitation because the fallout from refusing/pointing out they had already committed to coming to your's was going to be massive?

If you think they were just being rude, smile sweetly, don't invite them next year and start making arrangements to go to your family next year instead. And start chirping about hove much you're looking forward to it from January onwards on an at-least-weekly basis.

If you think they felt backed into a corner, smile sweetly and - yep, start making arrangements to go to your family next year instead, etc.

I think it would be nice if this could start a tradition of 'every other year' for the PiLs. That way you could spend alternate Christmases with your family or your apparently lovely cousins!

Sorry OP - I've reported my earlier post too.

Is it me? This is shockingly rude of them and SIL, isn't it?

I think you're just behaving like a spoilt brat actually and throwing a tantrum when things don't go your way - which is quite immature to be honest.

As an adult you should know the importance of sharing and the fact that people can change their minds - in this case it's your sil has changed her mind about hosting and your pil have decided to spend this christmas with them after having spent the last three with you.

you say they had a 'standing invitation' so that means you would have had a problem with this even if they'd told you months ago....nobody likes being 'expected' to do the same thing year after year and maybe you would see that if you asked them. Also, it's your sil you actually have a problem with hence why you're in a rage.

i think you just need to get used to the fact that life changes and you just gotta roll with it. why can't you be more flexible, host your parents one year, pil the next, friends the year after? That leaves pil/people free to make their own plans instead of being emotionally blackmailed into coming to yours year after year...

...and why are you behaving like it's outrageous that they chose to go elsewhere if this is how you really feel about them it will be a day full of noise and laughter instead of a day making polite small talk with the ILs?

i know you're venting but your post comes across as really obnoxious.

Maybe the PILS have gone along with the SIL simply to avoid her going batshit again over this. Maybe they would rather upset you than her as she is so odd just to keep a kind of peace?

Think it's better that OP rants away on here than at the PILS and DH or the kids!

Would you like to borrow my inlaws?

Also please do get in touch with your SIL and give her the benefit of your inside knowledge of how the dear old pil like to do Christmas. Perhaps they love the most expensive Champagne, homemade canapés and at least five courses for Christmas lunch. Obviously every last item must be homemade. The table must be beautifully laid with every last thing matching and elegant. Obviously they won't ask for any of this so you are just giving her the heads up to avoid disappointment.

Could be fun. I'm sure you can come up with some ideas.

Get over it.

it sucks being the dumpee and not the dumper.

we often have christmas day the four of us. to be honest it's bliss not having anyone over/going anywhere. i get dressed (into a clean nightie (big effort)) and then it's blankets on the sofa, picky bits (food, not skin/toenails?!) and then wine and television.

i found it hard the first year (all family estranged) and felt a bit lonely even though kids and husband (obviously) with me, but blah blah blah ... i cook every bloody day and etc etc washing cleaning etc blah blah so it's bloody idyllic to be honest to not have to answer to anyone on christmas day. plus the john lewis sale online from christmas eve at 4.

perhaps you can stick two fingers up at the phone if/when she next rings/texts. or all offer to volunteer in a church/giving out lunch to homeless people on christmas day now that you are a free range hen and have no ties on christmas day.

I can't see why you would be bored with a family of five- just much easier- relax and enjoy it!

They were entitled to ask if you minded if they went to SIL's. You were entitled to say Yes or No. What wasn't okay was to commit to coming to you then change their minds last minute in this underhand way.

They've all been rude. Your SIL knew they were committed to yours. If she wanted to to host them, the right way to do it was to discuss it with you openly and above board. The way they went about it was underhand and yes, rude.

Ok so they made their decision, it's not the end of the world but equally - don't speak about inviting them next year and make sure you arrange to go to your own family's which is what you want to do.

Strictly speaking since they accepted your invitation first they should have honoured it. But they didn't and are now going elsewhere. I couldn't get too worked up about this. In fact I'd breathe a sigh of relief. The quieter the better as far as I'm concerned.

But if people have a 'thing' about Christmas it is usual to alternate years. In case one person gets miffed and causes a family rift for the next decade. Honestly, even I think life is a bit too short for this nonsense. I mean Christmas and all that. Goodwill to all men and I suppose that must include inlaws.

Ignore the negative posts OP, any other time of year it would be unanimous that its bloody rude to accept an offer and then change your mind when someone else asks! Sounds like it's actually worked out for the best for you now though, and maybe the start of a new tradition..

I would feel sorry for your PILs going to crazy SILs, sounds like she is awfully jealous of you and only invited them to spite you. Odd.