In laws have ditched us for Christmas Day.

[TheLyingOldBitchAndHerWardrobe]

Pils have been to is for the past two years and were invited this year.

SIL (married to their other son) sent me a weird text the other day about having invited them to hers so they weren't alone on Christmas Day. I immediately replied and said but they are coming to ours? She replied with ok then. So I figured it was just a miscommunication.

Mil phoned dh this morning and said she hopes we don't mind but as SIL has invited them as well they are going there as they haven't been there before on Christmas Day. Dh said of course we don't mind.

Well actually I fucking well do mind. I turned down an invitation from my side of the family because we were hosting the PILs. We will now be spending the day just us which I've never done and IMO will be fucking boring. SIL is also having her parents. My family is now committed elsewhere and there is no room for us (we are a family of five).

I'm fucking raging. Dh won't hear a word against his parents but I think they are rude ignorant fucking arseholes for this. Would never ever say that in rl and we do all get on well.

Is it me? This is shockingly rude of them and SIL, isn't it?

In think if they are giving a month and a half notice it's not rude to change plans if the reason is to try and keep everyone happy. I can see why you're upset if you turned down and invitation and I agree it can be boring with just a few people.

Have you considered going out? A nice country hotel with some entertainment? A bit pricey maybe but then by the time you've bought ll the Christmas food and done all the work it can add up too.

We go to the panto on Christmas Eve, then come home and make mince pies and jam tarts (ds doesn't like mince pies). We couldn't do this if we had guests. You'll have a great time, in you jim jams with your bubbly Because you're not feeding the 5,000 you can get away with M&S easy cook so you have less time in the kitchen. Rip off the top, put them in the oven and that's it. No peeling, boiling, mixing etc. Bonus!!

BalloonSlayer is right.

Booking a meal out would be good too.

Ok ignoring the family thing, if someone has agreed to come to you and then cancels because they have a better offer, surely that's rude! I'd be pissed off op.

BalloonSlayer is a thousand times right.

Also people who have behaved in a batshit crazy way don't stop doing it.

Have a brilliant Christmas with your DH and kids - although it might not be what you are used, to there really is something rather fantastic about being able to please yourselves and not worrying about anyone else. You won't want them back next year

I would lock in your parents now for next year btw.

I know where you are coming from O as we have always had FIL for Christmas Day and now for very difficult reasons he won't be here. I always had big extended family Christmases as a child and the thought of only the four of us this year was a bit depressing. So I have rethought christmas and am now looking forward to a relaxing day, no manic cleaning, being able to relax in front of a good film without constantly making cups of tea, refilling wine glasses etc, not clearing up after lunch (might not get done til boxing day) and spending lots of time with DCs. Then PJs at 8pm with the cheeseboard waiting for whatever plastic programme is on - bring it on!

I thought your reaction was very strong - I can see why now - what's the story with regards to SIL being batshit crazy to you in the past?

Agree with above. Nice quiet one this year....then commit to your family next year early on. If sis likes hosting them now..she can do it more often.

BalloonSlayer has it spot on

It does sound as if SIL has ishoos and has decided for whatever reason to put your PILs right smack bang in the middle of it, but regardless of that it is poor form to cancel for another offer.

Is there anyway you could have your parents (and sister's family) over to yours Boxing day/New years eve and have a fantastic party? without the inlaws just so they know what they're missing that way you still get to do some hosting.

I'm going to invite my cousin and his family. It's going to be amazing. We have similarly aged children and all get on.

My mad SIL has been well documented here over the years. Highlights were refusing to come to ours for Christmas five years ago because we lived in a house and she lived in a flat (at the time) and couldn't cope with seeing our house (had that from the horses mouth). Much much drama around our wedding including heckling the speeches, refusing to let dn be a page boy because he wouldn't want to wear a suit and then bringing him in a suit , sitting him at the front of the reg office eating a cornetto throughout the wedding , turning her back in all the group photos and taking the only (preordered for my cousins wife) vegetarian meal because she didn't fancy the steak.

Just low level oddness.

She sounds erm... wonderful

You'll have a lovely day regardless.

Should add that with refusing to come for Christmas before, she was coming right up until the day and then didn't (BIL and dn came) and then later said it was because she was too sad about living in a (perfectly lovely) flat when we'd just bought a house.

Christ, I'd have been livid as well. Nothing to do with knowing you'll enjoy your day with your own family!

Oh good lord. If she's like that, nothing could induce me to invite her to mine for Christmas or go to hers.

I wouldn't worry about whether you are getting on with her or not as not seems to be the preferrable option so as you can see as little of her as possible.

Result for you. We have also had ahem issues with peculiar Christmas related il behaviour antics include

• I invite them. They say no absolutely not. Fab invited my family. Plaintive email mid December we are disappointed not to be coming. Grr gas lighting now I put invitations in emails so I have evidence!

• invite them for dd2 first Xmas. They turn down on grounds of having a cat.

• host them. Mil arrives spoiling for a fight challenges everything dh says (all of it benign making conversation stuff) fil gets upset at mil behaviour and sits alone in a room. They leave. Bafflingly everything is our fault (genuinely don't see how). They do not speak to us for 6 months. Dh and I are we think reasonable people and still no wiser as to what we did that Xmas. We had 2 under 2 so were quite busy but our grave crimes are still a mystery.

I'm surprised at the replies here. I think its the christmas thing, which isn't the point. If you had invited people to dinner, and they accepted and then said they were going somewhere else for dinner, everyone would agree with you that they were unspeakably rude. Add in the fact that you had turned down another invitation in order to host them, and its even worse.

They are entirely in the wrong, the lot of them, and some of these replies are very silly.

She sounds hard work (and that's not a judgement of her or her 'issues', just on the effect it has on you). No wonder you're frustrated, anyone would be.

But it sounds like you've successfully risen above it without letting it start any dramas, and are now going to have an even better day that the original one planned! Bonus!

Its only ONE DAY It seems to me your PIL are sharing their time between their family - only fair.

I'm sure you will make it 'AMAZING' but remember its only one day and count your blessings for the family you do have around you that day.

Agree with the many posters that MIL is very rude, but do not let it spoil your Christmas. Take a while to call her every name under the sun, drink wine and then re-plan fab Christmas with really lovely food and activities and plaster them all over FB. If SIL doesn't like hosting, it won't be brilliant over there anyway. Then, in what seems to be your very organised style, plan next Christmas at your parents way in advance so your SIL has to do it twice maybe :-).

From how you have described your SIL I can sort of see why your in-laws have done this.

Be rude to LyingOldBitch - she'll be annoyed but get over it

Refuse SIL even though you have other plans - she'll cause hell

They are being cowardly because they know that it will make their life easier.

I wondered that too Balloon -

OP - enjoy the day and stick two fingers to the scheming baggage

I've reported that BS - not because I think you're being malicious but because generally people who have namechanged prefer not to be publicly associated with their old names.

I think it's totally understandable that you are annoyed. Make sure next year you go to your parents or your family comes to you, as you haven't seen them this year so it's their turn next year. I expect your PIL haven't realised that it would put a spanner in the works as much as it has. I would plan your Christmas how you want it tbh and not factor them in if they are going to bail out last minute.