In laws have ditched us for Christmas Day.

[TheLyingOldBitchAndHerWardrobe]

Pils have been to is for the past two years and were invited this year.

SIL (married to their other son) sent me a weird text the other day about having invited them to hers so they weren't alone on Christmas Day. I immediately replied and said but they are coming to ours? She replied with ok then. So I figured it was just a miscommunication.

Mil phoned dh this morning and said she hopes we don't mind but as SIL has invited them as well they are going there as they haven't been there before on Christmas Day. Dh said of course we don't mind.

Well actually I fucking well do mind. I turned down an invitation from my side of the family because we were hosting the PILs. We will now be spending the day just us which I've never done and IMO will be fucking boring. SIL is also having her parents. My family is now committed elsewhere and there is no room for us (we are a family of five).

I'm fucking raging. Dh won't hear a word against his parents but I think they are rude ignorant fucking arseholes for this. Would never ever say that in rl and we do all get on well.

Is it me? This is shockingly rude of them and SIL, isn't it?

How could they have said something a few months ago so that you could have made plans with your side of the family, if you only officially asked them 3 weeks ago? Your anger seems a bit OTT to me.

Why don't you book a holiday for Xmas, one of those " Christmas experience" ones in Lapland or something?

They had accepted our invitation.

I invite them every year because SIL has made it clear she doesn't want them.

They had accepted our invitation (I'm repeating this because it's important).

I turned down going to my parents (which I would have loved and more importantly the kids would have preferred) because Pils Expected to come to ours (as per many conversations with them throughout the year).

We now can't go to my parents as they are going to my sister and there is no room for us.

This isn't Aibu.

Seems reasonable to me especially since they haven't been to their other son's house at Christmas before. So what if his wife's parents are there too. It sounds like a really nice arrrangement.

It can be tricky for parents trying to balance seeing their children at this time of the year. I second AF's view. Enjoy the day with your own family. If the PIL live near you pop in to say hello and drop off a few pressies.

You say you get on well but call them rude ignorant arseholes in the next breath. Maybe you don't like them as much as you say you do.

Why should they come every year to yours and not SILs? Your set up was intriniscally unfair to your SIL and BIL.

Have a look at all the gazillion threads there will be on here from people wishing they could have a nuclear family family Christmas without the ILs and count yourself lucky.

If there are 5 of you and you still find it boring, that's your own fault for making it crap. There were 3 in my family and it was NEVER boring.

I would also consider this a result. See family on boxing day. Christmas Day is for opening presents with your own children, playing with them, helping then build things, watching what you want on TV (ie NOT the bloody Queens Speech or ridiculous soaps) and stuffing your face with chocolates. in my opinion.

Poss PILs know you may mind but know this is important to SIL too? "Standing invitation all year" does sound a bit like you made your plans very very early without consulting other people. I have relatives who do that, drives me nuts.

Freakin I haven't read that as Sil and BIL being full up. The OP said her own family is committed and there is now no room for them in the same sentence so assume that ties together.

Tbh if you rely on your parents in law to make your day and if the day with your dh and dcs is shit and boring then your problem is not your pils.

Ok, op you're upset.

You had christmas planned and now you don't. If you'd have known in time you could've planned differently.

I don't think the inlaws are being terribly unreasonable, but fickle, yes.

You need to find a way to liven up the new christmas plan, put your energy into that so that a) you don't burst a blood vessel right now and b) you actually get to have a lovely christmas.

Hope you figure it out.

Why is it too late to spend it with your side of the family, its only mid November, how much planning does one day take.

It is rude to accept an invitation and then change your mind because you get a better offer.

They have been rude.

But that has happened now, so try to focus on what you going to do in order to make your Christmas the best it can be, given that this is the circumstance you've found yourself in?

I can see why you are upset, but you seem very, very worked up about it, dispraportionately IMHO. SIL is not rude for inviting them - she didn't know that you had invited them already, PILs are a bit rude for cancelling an existing agreement, but as its over a month to go, they perhaps thought that it wouldn't be a big deal.

Can you book a hotel near your sister/sleep in her kitchen/camp in her back garden? I get that you're feeling put out, you must be feeling like second best too, dropped as soon as the PIL get a better offer I'd make my own plans, you'll have far more fun.

Rent a caravan for a week and put it on your sisters driveway for Xmas, and have Xmas there with you family. I can understand why it's pissed you off that in laws have gone back on their word, but don't sit there pissed off, find something better to do...

I guess we're all different but personally I'd be overjoyed to have Christmas just me and dh and the dc! Can't you make it special for just the 5 of you? Create your own little traditions etc?

I can see why it's a bit annoying for someone to have accepted and then changed their mind but they've never been to Sils before so I can see their point of view too. I think you're overreacting a bit sorry!!

I'm not saying it will be shit and boring , it won't be because I will make it amazing. But it will feel to me like a poor Christmas because we usually have at least one other family, I love hosting and being around people and having big Christmases. It's how we always did it in our family and it's just whatnot used to.

And we are not invited to sils.

Bowlersarm so Sil could have OP and family too?

I don't know if I haven't made t clear but SIL definitely, absolutely 100% knew that PILs were coming here. That's why her text to me was so weird. She has been weird and underhanded about this which is partly why I'm so upset.

Have you told SIL/PIL that they did arrange to go to your house?

It's too late to spend it with my side because my parents are going to my sister and she is also now having her in laws. They have twenty people already. There is no room for us.

In-laws are definitely being unreasonable because you can't just accept an invitation then change your mind ffs! Not for a random party, definitely not for something like Xmas day.

I think you just have to focus on the fact that you have your lovely kids to yourselves for Xmas and a lot of people do this by choice. I'm not surprised you're upset but you can still have a nice day. x

Would you not fancy going away or is that too expensive?

Can you have your big do on Boxing Day?