Me again. ..

[CalmAndConfused]

hi,

I've had several posts on here about mine and my husband's relationship. The last post was because he said we should separate, however we then decided to give it one last go...which part of me feels is just prolonging the inevitable.

Anyway I'm am going out with friends tonight (first time in over a year), and H made comments on the underwear I'm wearing. He always asks if there will be males there if I go places without him...even asking me one time when I was going to a funeral (aparantly I was taking this wrong and he was meaning it as a compliment about him thinking I looked nice ) .

Also he keeps going on about how I mustn't be to late in case the kids wake up...

Is all this normal as it makes me feel like crap and means I can't enjoy my time out as I am clock watching etc

FFS yet again coming in to check why I'm not sleeping, all done under the guise of 'I'm just worried about you being over tiered tomorrow', said in a sickly nice voice. Just leave me the fuck alone you git...

As a lifelong vegetarian I can't imagine why everyone seems to think veggies love nut roasts. I can't say I've ever eaten one, but they don't look very inspiring.

Sorry, wrong thread

Now the twat has come back in saying it feels like I'm being evasive, as we'f talked about films we wanted to watch. Then he leaves and slams the office room do. Is the slamming around something to do with the violence - it makes me feel very anxious and worried when he does it, as he used to slam about before being violent. Now he just does the slamming

no problem king, I did wonder what nut roasts had to do with GTBExH. However he is a vegetarian who hates nut roasts though!

He is definitely putting a lot of effort into asserting that he has the control - bastard.

OP - he is very boring isn't he? All that tv talk. dull dull dull.

You may be able to do the divorce without paying fees. Years ago you used to be able to get exemption from fees depending on your financial situation or certain benefits claimed. I've found this link on the official government site

www.justice.gov.uk/courts/fees

It looks like it may be a pdf which wouldn't be safe to download, but you may be able to ring any county court in England & Wales and they should be able to help you.

Wishing you all the luck.

Good luck OP. I just hope you're not relying on making a career out of being a clinical psychologist.

I'll look into that Lisa, thanks.

No argy I'm not, I know how hard it is to get into I do have a backup plan.

ugh been on my phone (on here) this morning while he's also in the living room. DD1 is watching frozen and DD2 is sitting next to me playing and he of course has to ask what I am doing on my phone.

oh and I have a special dental care regime from the dentist as I have really weak teeth due to a deficiency of something. He has just come through after brushing his teeth to 'check I am keeping up with it' as he's worried ugh

Been reading abuse check lists, and something has stood out to me. When I am getting changed and he walks into the room, if I turn away/cover myself he will then ask me'what are you doing, why are you covering up?'. This is very entitled, controlling behaviour isn't it?

Calm - all of his behaviour is controlling. You are in an abusive relationship.

Thanks funky. I know I am, just keep reading checklist and things to make sure I don't get my head fogged up by him again. He's putting a lot of effort into that. So I just wanted to check this bit of behaviour as my normal sense is so far off I am trying to recalibrate it.

This constant feed of checking up on you may indicate his awareness that you're not being as readily or fully compliant as usual. So he's tap tap tapping all the time to test his control. Or it could actually be a rather scary escalation of abuse but in terms that are ostensibly hard to label abusive. I mean what's abusive about being worried about you or curious as to who you might be talking with online? Just curiosity and interest, right? Nope. It's constant and interruptive and, at this stage in the bigger picture, it's abusive. As is door slamming - which is displaced physical violence and actual aural attack.

If he has an app on his phone re his computer I wonder what he's up to online? I also wonder what other apps he may have running to keep tabs on you?

I'm starting to get "sleeping with the enemy" type vibes. Omen-ous and frightening.

I know it's "ominous" but that way of spelling it seemed right for the purpose.
Warning signs - keep watch, dear Calm

Me too - I really think that you need to get out of there. If you have somewhere to go with the kids, go as soon as you can.

I am going round my mum's this friday evening to watch a film with my sister. It may be possible to arrange for him to leave then... I could e-mail him during the day and be round my mums for the support.

That sounds a plan Calm, it will avoid him manipulating and bullying you into staying in a marriage you don't want to be in.

Love this picture - very apt

Sorry just wanted to document this here. Just got up to leave the living room (to go to the toilet) and he asks me what I am doing...ffs there is no end to his attempts of control

Do you ever challenge him to answer why he wants to know why you aren't in bed, what you are doing in the toilet, if you are cleaning your own teeth properly?

You need to get out sooner rather than later, Calm

He is ramping things up and Friday is a long way away.

I do itsfab. he the asks me why I am in a mood, being hostile or unreasonable. He just cares about me on so on.

It can't be sooner than friday as that's payday and atm we have zero in the account

Do you tell him you are no in a mood, being hostile or unreasonable and you know he doesn't care about you as he won't do what you have asked.

How much do you need to go today?