Me again. ..

[CalmAndConfused]

hi,

I've had several posts on here about mine and my husband's relationship. The last post was because he said we should separate, however we then decided to give it one last go...which part of me feels is just prolonging the inevitable.

Anyway I'm am going out with friends tonight (first time in over a year), and H made comments on the underwear I'm wearing. He always asks if there will be males there if I go places without him...even asking me one time when I was going to a funeral (aparantly I was taking this wrong and he was meaning it as a compliment about him thinking I looked nice ) .

Also he keeps going on about how I mustn't be to late in case the kids wake up...

Is all this normal as it makes me feel like crap and means I can't enjoy my time out as I am clock watching etc

I am just waiting on a reply on Monday as to whether I can claim a certain benefit which I need to be able to support myself.

He has been awful while we were out. little things like reaving the car really loud while I was sorting the pushchair out as he wanted to straighten the car. I went to a ticket machine a distance away as I didn't notice one which was closer and he rung my phone to tell me I was going to the wrong one.

I think the idea of pitching it as time away to remember why I love him is good. How long after submitting divorce papers would he receive them? and do I need a lawyer to do it?

ok I won't be able to petition for divorce yet as I don't have the 500 for it. However will still separate of course

Most important to get any benefits ready to be claimed. And to only do anything by way of separating if you are truly ready for it. It's no use any of us saying "do it now" or "say this not that" because that's more like persuasion/coercion than advice or opinion. Plus, if we somehow triggered you to make declarations before you're ready, he would simply swing you back to face his way. Do you see what I'm trying (badly) to say?

If divorcing needs money upfront then of course that can wait. His behaviour today sounds shitty and hostile. The mask is well dissolved, eh? Not that he ever wore a gloriously painted nice-guy disguise. Trying again? Nope, not even close ... in my opinion *humph

Keep your cool, keep your mindspace clean and clear. Imagine a shield around you; make it a protective shield. Nothing bad allowed in. You can even imagine it to be mirrored, so that anything he throws at you emotionally just reflects right back at him. This is psychic protection level 1

I am not trying to coerce you into anything, Calm . I am trying to support you in realising you are living a less than full life and you deserve better.

More than happy to just butt out of course if that is what you want but tbh I did seem to be helping a little given your responses to my posts.

I don't do there there when actual reality is needed.

Calm - you are doing so well,the scales have relly fallen from your eyes haven't they?

One thing that keeps niggling me|: was I dreaming this or did you say that he throttled you to the point of almost passing out? That is very serious shit. Like the others said, he knows something is up and the point of break up is a dangerous time. Please, please be careful.

Have I read somewhere that throttling is a red flag in terms of level of DV I.e. the fecking worst

Oh Itsfab please don't take amiss to anything I said; I was just thinking about how a day or so ago dear Calm said that it was over, end of, but then he talked her round. I was worried I might have been a bit pushy ... I have to say I don't disagree with you at all!

We all want you Calm to be free and happy at last ... but it has to be in your own strength and time ...

My apologies to you Itsfab - i'm sagittarian, need i say more? Hoof in mouth and all that?

Yes in 2007 I think he chocked me so I almost blacked out. That was one of the last violent incidents.

You are definitely helping itsfab please don't stop posting...any of you.

The mask has definitely fallen off, didn't take long really! Of course he has his moments where he is lovely, but I'm not fooled any more.

Hehe saggitarians unite

The benifits I can't submit claims for till he has moved out... what they expect me to do with regards to money who knows

Yes I need to be ready this time as it must be final. that's why I have the 5th as absolute crunch time. I know I will be strongest after outreach

and tipsy of course you didn't push me to much. It was GTBEXH who deliberately pushed me to far, knowing I'd cave.

oh bless ya Calm. And omg I had missed that choking event too DOH

hats off to Dirtypaws (got to love that nic!) ... yes, his throttling has changed from physical to every other way then. All in all he's actually trying to kill you one way or another Calm.

I don't understand people who do this at all. I mean why would you? What about Love? But some people are just locked into a destructive path aren't they? I absolutely loathe him and his (un)kind!

Thank you Calm and Tipsy. I may have been a bit snotty back then but tbh I hadn't forgotten he had almost killed you so are very worried about you on a daily basis so feeling like I was bossing you about unreasonably got to me a bit.

I know that is too long a sentence but I am poorly so not up to scratch.

Aw bless you itsfab, I am actually crying reading that you are that worried about me daily. It's crying because someone is actually worried about me, and even though you don't know me you care more for me than GTBExH, and crying because reading that continues to hit home how bad it actually is, and how nothing, no good points, or trying with the kids, can make up and change how bad it is.

Hope you feel better soon

We are all worried about you - otherwise we wouldn't keep coming back!!!

Sorry I wasn't meaning to exclude everyone else Thank you all so much for caring and helping. It won't be long to I'm free and safe

Baby steps hinny. They all add up.

You weren't excluding anyone, Calm you are living a life of Hell at the moment and I am sure your head is blancmange and don't have time or energy to mention every last poster.

Have you some in?

Bless you sweetheart and stay safe.

Can someone be with you wen you tell him to leave.

I am going to to it via email dowser and I will be at my mums with her and my sister (+ my kids obviously).

I don't have itsfab (which should be a crime to not have cake!) but I am making do with ice-cream and tea.

GTBExH just asked me what we are doing this evening i.e if we will watch anything, I said we could watch 1 episode of something, but then I will sleep. He then goes on asking if I am sure because of last night.

Oh ffs, he is again asking what I am typing as 'it sounds like I am typing an essay'. He's such a fucking dick I think I will come to fucking hate him. Never any peace or able to just 'do'. He is involved and present in every situation.

I turned his computer on once while he was at work (needed to burn a disc) and he comes home asking why I had been in the office and on his computer - turns out he has an app which alerts him on his mobile if it is turned on. There is the office where I am 'not allowed' when he is not here.

FFS he's now doing the 'I wuv you, what do you want for christmas my pwecious'. I said I haven't thought about it - cue instant change in mood - dick

Just want to say I'm another who is thinking of you, and admiring your strength and dignity whilst you extract yourself from this excuse of a human being. ( we need more symbols Mumsnet!!!)

I hope you don't have to share a house with this prick for much longer.

Sorry I wasn't meaning to exclude everyone else

I didn't mean you were excluding anyone you daft ha'peth. Just that people are worried about you and want you to get out of that relationship.

Oh I see Funky I may be a tad sensitive lol

I've been watching how he treats others today - and omg he can be thoroughly vile. Moaning about our neighbour making knocking sounds (like nails being hammered in), getting very angry and rude about other drivers and so on. Shows what sort of person he really is. Reminds me of the quote I read on here about everyone having 2 wolves in them, and the wolf you feed more wins. He is definitely feeding his evil wolf.

Giving myself a slap tonight. The stupid paralysing anxiety and dread has started around leaving him, thinking I can't do it, but you know what - no matter how hard or what the outcome I must do it and I will. Making a list of puppy bits to ask for for xmas!

Oh and thank you tipsy for the psychic protection instructions. I am pagan myself, so things like this are definitely useful. Only problem I always find is that I have rubbish visualisation skills, with a non-existent imagination!