Change yr name, make a confession!

[iamsomeoneelse]

A thread to get something deep and dark off your chest -- anonymously!

If you don't know how to change your name, go to the 'My Mumsnet' tab and go into the 'My Account' section, there you can enter any name you like. Then, just enter your usual password and click 'Save Changes' et voila! Instant new identity!

I'll get the ball rolling:

I really feel that there are some deep cracks forming in my marriage, and I have a horrible feeling that divorce may be on the horizon after 10+ years of marriage. Part of me is terrified by the effect this might have on my two DDs, but another part of me is quietly excited at the prospect of a new and different kind of relationship.

Toffi I would venture that actually the dreams point to something your holding on to and keeping buried, that doesn't want to to stay there. It could be your unconscious pointing at it saying when are you going to deal with this.

This thread is so moving. I'm so sorry for everyone that is going through difficult times . At least now we all realise that we are not alone.

heartofgold I also believe that sex is just sex. It's fun and shouldn't be considered infidelity. I can honestly have sex and not feel an emotional attachment to that person. Unfortunately my DH doesn't feel that way (and I appreciate we are all different and some people view sex as being close).

I also sometimes wish DH would have a ONS so that I don't feel so guilty about my thoughts (I haven't cheated on him, but do so in my head) and may have done sexting once with an old FWB.

I doubt that I could forgive an emotional or long lasting affair, but a drunken ONS? That would be easy to forgive. God, I'm not even 40 yet? How am I going to live without sex for the rest of my life?

Sorry for the self pity....

Creepy bastard. You should report him to MN, it's not on, he might also target more vulnerable posters. There are plenty of places online to engage with people to do that, this isn't one of them. Married too, nice, really nice.

That saddens me dirtyalot. Maybe posters will be less inclined to post now?

What is Skype sex, is it like phone sex on video?

I have really not heard of that before.

I am happily married, I love my husband so much.

There is a man I work with who I get along with, really well, we joke around and laugh and there is a bit of a spark, I would never ever act on, but, I do randomly (only when I am bored in the office), wonder what it would be like if he kissed me.

I published an erotic novel under a pseudonym on Amazon.
No-one knows. Not even DH.

Warning this could be triggering.
When I was younger, I had pretty low self esteem, was told by someone once that the only reason any man would fancy me is because I "have big tits", so I could never even talk to a boy/man.
I went to live overseas for a while and I really came out of my shell, I mean really, I had quite a bit of casual sex and it was good, so liberating. I think I just enjoyed that for the fist time I thought I had some kind of sexual power, but I soon realised that was just an illusion, if I am being honest, I was just using that as an excuse to make myself feel better by having random sex with men.
It all came back to bite me when I was out one night, there was a guy I had been seeing casually, he must have told his mate (lets call him dkhead) about our situation/arrangement, as one night I was a bit pissed, out with everyone, I started to feel a bit "spinny" and decided to walk home.
Dkhead offered to walk me home as it was quite a way away so I accepted. On the way home he tried to kiss me, I said no and pushed him away. He pushed back, quite hard, and I was a bit pissed I fell over and landed on my arse, while I was trying to get back up he shoved me again with one hand so I went back down, his other hand was undoing his jeans, he took it out and shoved it in my mouth while holding the top of my head down hard so I struggled to get back up, he just kept banging it in, shouting at me to suck it and I was gagging, after what seemed like an age, I panicked and somehow had a moment of clarity, I shoved him hard and he stumbled back so I quickly got up and ran, all the time he was shouting after me that I was a fucking slut.
I have never ever told a soul about this, I feel so ashamed and so guilty, after all, I suppose I was a slut.

finalconfessionfromme that's so cool, I've written and posted explicit fanfiction on a couple of fanfiction sites. I'd love to have a go at a piece of original fiction and try to get that published too, I'm in awe of you.

I'll keep my name and this is a silly one, but wanted to confess that my new BF ate some sausages out of the bin a few days ago and it really put me off him. I'm really worried I'm shallow now. They were mini cocktail ones still in the packet but he fished them out and ate them later that night and they'd been in the bin the entire day. Is it me or is that really weird? I am a bit OCD, bit it just grossed me out!

Im a horrible person Ive been with my DH for 10 years, married for 2 and currently pregnant with our first baby. when we first met I was a size 8, however my weight ballooned to a now 18 and I hate how I look.

I love DH massively and hes such a kind loving person and I know he adores me.

A few years ago before we got married I messaged an old ex on facebook, he lives in a different part of the country to me and at first it was just flirting and a bit harmless but it progressed into talking about meeting up with him. I talked my friend into coming on a girly weekend away with me to where the ex lives and while she was out shopping I made and excuse as to why I couldnt go. I met up with him and he took me back to his house and we started to have sex however he felt guilty and pulled out and took me back to my hotel.

A few weeks later another ex got in contact with me and after exchanging messages we met up and started to have sex. This time I got cold feet told him to stop and left.

I have no excuse for it other than I liked the fact that someone else desired me and Im filled with guilt each day about it.

DH found the messages one night from the second guy and instead of coming clean I lied my way out of the situation and said it was all dirty talk and Id never met up with him. I havent spoken or seen the guy since I cut all contact and threw myself into my marriage.

I dont talk to the first ex either, occasionally for some unexplainable reason Ill message him asking how he is and wishing him well. Hes always tries to meet up when I do message but I always refuse and then dont message him for several months.

It would kill my husband if he knew.

It would kill my husband if he knew.

Yes it would sugarplum.

Do you think your insecurity over your weight somehow makes you a victim? You sound like you think you are a victim.

Every single day on MN we rip to shreds the men who do similar things to the women they are supposed to love. We call them the most unutterable, disgusting, selfish cunts for treating us this way. Any move on their part to justify or make sense of their behaviour is met with derision and cynicism and fury.

No wonder we need to name change to come clean on this thread.

You are about to become a mother soon. Whatever is it you think you are doing, you really do need to stop now.

Interesting to see people come clean on MN.

A male friend of ours and I absolutely adore each other.

It's hard to describe the way he makes me feel. Whenever I have to say goodbye I get a physical ache in my chest. It's like nothing I have ever felt before and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I have learn't that when don't see him I gradually cope better, but when we meet it hits me like a punch in the chest all over again. Going NC is not an option.

I could go on, but I am in between "visits" at the moment and even thinking about it isnt helping

testing

OK, the man I married is not the love of my life, although I love him, and I love my life with him.
I met a man a few years ago, who is without doubt my soulmate, we connected on every level, and I knew I would love him forever, and vice versa. For many serious reasons, spending our lives together was not an option, I came to terms with this, and knew I would love him forever anyway.
We are both married with children. His sister is one of my best friends. I drove him to his wedding. I love his wife as a kind of extension of loving him. It was a precious moment when he sat my first child on his knee.
I see him as some sort of eternal love, and I know that, in the next life, he'll be there. We promised we would pray for each other everyday. I still do that and I know he does too.
We see each other once in a blue moon, always with our spouses and other people. No-one knows.

Helloitsme - stop judging. Now. This is not the thread for it.

I should add we knew each other before meeting our current spouses!

Eternal love - what a sad story! Why did you never get together? And why, if your love is so deep, you don't get together now? There will not be a next life, you know.

nc here. I am with my partner for 20 years and I hate him,only with him because he has a very nasty temper.He seems to think I forgiven him for all the shit I have put up with.I am just waiting until the kids are reared and then I am leaving. --and i am going to shag his best friend first---

I have been with my DH for nearly 15 years and we met when I was fairly young. We have a nice life, two DC and he's a good, decent man and father. He's a few years older than me.
I don't think I'm in love with him anymore. Nothing he's done. I think at times we've just run our course and I'm not the same person I was all those years ago but he hasn't really changed. I have felt like this for about the last 4 years.

I've recently become really good friends with someone at work. I adore him and in another life he'd be my soulmate. Nothing will ever happen as I wouldn't do that to my family- nor would he. But it makes me so sad to think about that. I just cherish him as a friend as that's all it can ever be.

eternallove

Your post made me gulp a tear away. That is so sad

But you know, life really is too short.

I want to tell my new boyfriend that he is crap in bed