Change yr name, make a confession!

[iamsomeoneelse]

A thread to get something deep and dark off your chest -- anonymously!

If you don't know how to change your name, go to the 'My Mumsnet' tab and go into the 'My Account' section, there you can enter any name you like. Then, just enter your usual password and click 'Save Changes' et voila! Instant new identity!

I'll get the ball rolling:

I really feel that there are some deep cracks forming in my marriage, and I have a horrible feeling that divorce may be on the horizon after 10+ years of marriage. Part of me is terrified by the effect this might have on my two DDs, but another part of me is quietly excited at the prospect of a new and different kind of relationship.

Ihavenoonetotell you know what to do. Protect your baby and make plans to get out.

This thread is really fascinating. It makes you realise that everyone is just a little bit fucked up in their own way, doesn't it?

I don't know what to do with it
You know you have to get away. The violence has already started, he just hasn't hit you yet.
Move home? Back to your parents? Will they take you seriously and have you back?
Call WomensAid when you can and work it through with them.

Ihaveno-onetotell, If you have somewhere to go just go, get some things together when he's at work, pick up your baby and go, and don't look back!
It's only been three months,do you want to be staring down the barrel at decades like this?
Things will only escalate until you are physically and mentally incapable of leaving and this is what your child will base his or her model of what relationships should be like on
Just go, it really is that simple x

sadfamilystory sorry to question you when you've been through so much, but what on earth do you mean by 'my mother forced me to marry my stepfather?'

How does that even happen? Surely your stepfather was married to your mother?

Noonetotell - you must leave. If he's like this at 3 months he will quickly get worse - and continue to get worse. You are not a failure, he is. Get Womens Aid behind you - they are the experts and will support you in every way. 0808 2000 247 (24/7, though call at night if you can, as the lines are often busy during the day...). Along with much effective, sensitive and conclusive support, they will suggest you attend [http://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/search.php The Freedom Programme]] . I have linked you to the page that searches for groups in your area (and you'll find a contact number for one of the course leaders - when you call and leave a message, be clear about when it is safe to call you back), but do have a look at the site. They are totally safe and you will meet ordinary women who are in a similar position. It's a real eye-opener and gives you the tools to make informed choices. You are right that it is you he is really threatening to 'break' xxxx

The Freedom Programme

Not exactly a confession, but something that makes me feel guilty.

Reading thread after thread on MN Relationships has made me feel like a pretty amazing man. When I read about the kinds of things blokes do, the sorts of lowlifes who are out there and the suffering they inflict on their partners, it utterly boggles my mind. Mostly of course I feel sad for the people who are in that situation, but I also feel like a pretty fabulous husband, father, etc. I am kind, caring, considerate, helpful, hard-working, funny, responsible, present, etc etc. I think I just sort of assumed that everyone was like this, but they really aren't. I would never normally dream of bragging about this, so I thought I'd do it here. I AM A REAL CATCH! (Of course, then I have a huge inward cringe of remorse at this totally insane reaction to reading about other people's real problems.)

someoneelse but maybe they all think that?

iamsomeoneelse
congratulations. now, about cloning...

iamsomeoneelse Are you single, or does your wife know you are on here!

Love DH, have known him half my life, married for 8 years. Two great DC. Good, regular sex. But, I fancy other men all the time. Really random men too, not necessarily attractive ones or ones I get on with well. This sounds really weird (it is really weird) but I see people who are having a bad time and think I could make them feel better by having sex with them. I often fantasise about other men when I'm in bed with DH. And I think partly the reason our sex life is good is because I'm thinking about sex a lot and having more with him will I hope stop me doing it with other people. It's not just the sex though. I've got a fundamental problem with commitment. Some kind of instinct to fuck things up when they're going well. I'm massively attracted to someone else at the moment, I've got very little in common with him and I respect him so much less than DH yet I can't stop thinking about having sex him. I guess it's just some weird panic mode that kicks in. I feel like a terrible person most of the time but then am sometimes just able to switch into a mode where I think it's ok. I could never ever talk to anyone in RL about this. I worry that in the 'right' circumstances I'd say yes to someone else. And I fantasise about DH being unfaithful because it would make me feel less guilty. There.

I think those kinds of thoughts/feelings are pretty common -- how do you think he would react if you had an honest conversation about it? Chances are he will be able to relate.

Also, I loved this: "I see people who are having a bad time and think I could make them feel better by having sex with them." Doesn't sound weird at all to me. I've definitely had that thought before.

Some days I just want to take drugs and get totally off my face.

No idea why, I've never even been into drugs. But how cool would it be to just get completely off your face for a few hours?

.......just me I'm sure.

As you were.

Sadfamilystory my heart goes out to you. Have you had any counselling?

I am having a much better, happier life since my husband died 5 years ago.

We were celibate due to his ED for over 11 years. He was the world's worst diabetic. He was Victorian and arrogant in his parenting (his children have bloomed since he died too) and was great at trying to gaslight me to cover his mistakes.

I do miss him (he wasn't all bad, bless him) but I am so much happier and content. There, I have said it.

iamsomeoneelse you've made me a tiny bit slightly less insane, thank you Don't think I could talk to DH about it though, too great a risk that he'd never trust me again and that it would damage our relationship for good.

LadyBlaBlah I've felt like that before. Particularly when I was on maternity leave Was living in a small remote community where I knew almost no-one and just felt like doing something, anything to shake things up a bit.

I mean 'you've made me feel a tiny bit less insane' obvs I'm clearly as barmy as I was yesterday just momentarily feeling less awful about it...

I am wearing no knickers.

And willburninhell - I think your reaction is v v understandable, sounds like life with your husband was very hard. Totally possible to miss someone and appreciate what was good about them while also recognising that they (and your relationship with them) was really difficult.

Have namechanged but this will probably out me to anyone who sees this and knows me in RL but I really don't care. I was diagnosed with a personality disorder a few years ago and underwent extensive therapy. My therapist told me that I was probably a psychopath because, in their opinion, I was too smart for my own good and adept at manipulating people and pulling the wool over their eyes, disguising my true nature. Apparently, I have no real emotions and have learned to mimic emotions and empathy from childhood to cover my tracks and fit into society. An accomplished actress, if you will.

The people in my life were enraged at what the therapist said. They all believe me to be the most emotional and empathic person they know.

My confession? I believe that the therapist was right and is the only person to ever see the true me, if there even is such a thing.

I just told DH i slept with someone last month. He said OK and accepted it in a very matter of fact way but has said he doesnt want to dwell on it or talk about it at length.

Bringing this up and confessing this to him was the hardest thing ive ever done.

For many years I have had an very occasional recurring dream that as an older child I participated in the concealment of a murder.

It's usually a sort of Goonies (remember that film?) group of kids and involves dumping a body wrapped in cloth in a dark dank sewer type place.

I confess than more than once I've woken, heart pounding in a state of high stress and wondered if there was an element of truth in it.

• I've never actually been in a dark dank sewer.

So much sadness and hurt :(