Change yr name, make a confession!

[iamsomeoneelse]

A thread to get something deep and dark off your chest -- anonymously!

If you don't know how to change your name, go to the 'My Mumsnet' tab and go into the 'My Account' section, there you can enter any name you like. Then, just enter your usual password and click 'Save Changes' et voila! Instant new identity!

I'll get the ball rolling:

I really feel that there are some deep cracks forming in my marriage, and I have a horrible feeling that divorce may be on the horizon after 10+ years of marriage. Part of me is terrified by the effect this might have on my two DDs, but another part of me is quietly excited at the prospect of a new and different kind of relationship.

Just dump him instead liz

redsunsetter - why don't you get some new friends?
I'd bin this lot if they make you feel like that.

& you describe them as "safe and secure" but from what I've seen of women in that zone, they are all insecure about their (usually hard working) husband leaving them for their secretary/boss/female superstar of the company and the fear of losing their financially comfortable lifestyle. They may look financially secure; they may not be emotionally secure.

But really - new friends.

I am consumed by bitterness, I hate everything, I don't go out. Was great even acouple of weeks ago but I am not now.

No-one will ever know though. I want to let go but I also want to hurt them. Very much. I fucking hate H and his new, new,new woman. Not so much the woman but H, stbx, i hate with a vengence. I loathe the fucker.

I hate me too.

Didn't change m y name. What vile shit I write and feel, i really don't like myself.

Poor you, Alchemist. Your ex doesn't determine your worth, and he never did. You have value for yourself and in yourself. Keep looking for it.

Alchemist your not vile, bitterness can swallow you whole. I've had that feelin myself, it consumed me for a year or so.
Not same situation but the feeling of bitterness I can relate to.

My heart goes out to everyone here

deep breath My husband makes me cry more than anyone I ever knew. He is so rude and nasty to me sometimes, it makes my chest hurt. This has happened almost since the day I met him. He screamed at me on our third date, I was driving and nearly drove off the road from the shock. I should have put him out of my car and out of my life at that moment. I AM STUPID, STUPID, STUPID...

I keep thinking if I could figure out what it is about me that makes him think it is ok to treat me this way, I could fix it. Really, in my heart, I think it is because I am disabled and maybe he thinks he could do better. I ask him all the time " Why do you treat me with such rudeness and disrespect.?" He says he does not know,he says it is not my fault, he says he wants to change.

Sadly, I am an advocate for women experiencing domestic violence issues. I can cite statistics and talk about power and control until I am blue in the face.

Oh god, I thought it might be cathartic to finally tell someone how I feel. Now I just feel a little bit guilty and that awful feeling is back.

It feels like I could stop breathing at any moment. If he turned up a the door and asked me to, I would be his everything. Even if just for one day.

....OK that does feel a bit better.

CatWitch :( can you get some support to leave?

Everylittlepiece. Maybe you need to talk to him?

Since posting this yesterday, I have read and re-read my post, as this is teh first time I have ever openly said what happened to me and I keep playng it over in my mind and had a bit of an epiphany of sorts.
When we go out from work I am always referred to as the lightweight, the one who doesnt want to get drunk, Ijust have to stop when I start getting that tipsy feeling, I am very strict with myself about it, and although its blaringly obvious that it is related to my experience I had never put the two together. There are other things which are quite personal which I wont go into here, but I cannot believe I have only just made the connection between what happened to em and all these little things.
I also feel awful when I read it back and note that I have never told anyone, that includes DH, I hate the idea of having a secret from him, but do I have to tell him? Should I tell him?

Named changed.

Separation is looming and I am excited, after 12 years for putting up with your sneering and self centered attitude, your child like tantrums, crap sex, you basically living your single life only cherry picking moments with the children, while I do all the drudge work and main care.
Yes we have had some fantastic times, but I am so glad we are over.
Think I cant do it by myself? really? Think again you twunt, a few years ago maybe not, too gripped by depression and worthlessness but now? I have a job, I can drive, I have brilliant friends. I know my own worth now and I will be just fine. I deserve better and I will find someone who will treat me as such.

RonaldMcfartNuggets, (just typing that made me laugh!) I absolutely could leave..it's just we have a little girl, who adores her father. I shield her from his nastiness..mostly. She sees us fight...sometimes..awww...I am talking in circles right?? I need the courage to do the right thing by both of us..and well..I still have feelings for him. See, stupid!

Love, you need to leave for your little girl or she will fall into this circle thinking this is how men treat women. Would you want her to be in your situation?

sugarplum apologies for being so judgey - I just realised I got totally the wrong end of the stick.

I thought you said a few weeks ago you had sex with an ex and you are PG with your first baby.

you didn't say 'a few weeks ago' you said 'a few weeks later' and you are talking about something that was years ago.

Sorry.

Don't want to offend anyone, but here its is!

Been with DW for over 20 years. Met and married very young (stupid boy!). Discovered she been 'carrying on' with someone before we married (stupid girl!!). By then had kids, mortgage, etc. Result is 2 people existing together. I hate living a life of 'what ifs'!!! The real pisser is that we could have been great if she'd kept her pants on all those years ago!!!

I thought sod it and had a few meaningless (but fun) encounters during my twenties. Concentrated on family during 30's. Now in early forties and life regrets are surfacing!

I keep myself in good shape and am outgoing and lively. Ive never had a problem with meeting girls and have been told I look mid 30's and that I am quite a handsome fella.

I dream of meeting a nice OW in a similar situation. I know its awful to say but a DW whose Hubby treats them badly with no affection or love. I dream of the hours of passion and pleasure; two people finding a bit of joy as they trudge on with the bad life choices they made in early life.

Fantasy stuff really. I would never use one of those shag-a-round websites; it may see strange for me to say but I think that sort of thing is wrong?!?

Catwitch im so sorry .

When i tried to talk to DH about our problems he said that maybe i should go to counselling. I think he means to cope with the no affection and no sex in our marriage

And about me sleeping with someone else last month he said .....it doesnt surprise me tbh.

I cant work out whether he was inferring something about my morals or whether he actually had the insight to realise that its not ALL my fault. But i have a feeling that if he thinks i need to go to counselling to cope he probably thinks the former. Which means he thinks im abnormal for wanting affection and sex.

There are 2 sexes. Man and woman But maybe he thinks there are three. Man Woman and Darkesteyes.

I'll name change later as I've never liked this username.

I hate my partner, if we never had DC's together I probably would've left him years and years ago. Everyone thinks our life is so rosy...nice house, car, holidays etc but I often wish he would have a accident on the way to work and I know that sounds terrible.

I'm not leaving as there is no way I'm sharing access to the DC's with him.

I, then too, are a Darkesteyes

Bloodydoghairs that's exactly how I used to feel about my ex. My heart used to sink when I heard his motorbike engine coming down the road because it meant he was home safe. Once I left him he took very little interest in our child and couldn't be bothered with the effort that once every three weeks contact entailed.

Bloodydoghairs you could be me. Years of wanting to be single, got together very young. It even pisses me off the way he eats,drinks and speaks - it sounds like I'm a bitch, I've tried hard but I can't do it. I should be happy but I'm not. 2015 will be the year.

untouchable i got it from an episode of The Good Life called The Last Posh Frock. Barbara has given up everything to go self sufficient with Tom and doesnt have a posh dress to wear for a dinner party. He spends the entire time staring at and giggling stupidly with another woman at the table who is wearing a gorgeous dress.

They have an argument afterwards and Barbara points out to Tom that he doesnt see her as a woman anymore She says "You think there are 3 sexes.....man,woman and Barbara.

Its a great line and i think it perfectly describes our kind of situations. Barbara was pointing out how used she was feeling.

BloodyDogHairs Softpebbles & Flimflammer

Sorry for your unhappiness; regret is a real nagging pain that seems impossible to cure. It can lead to some awful thoughts that don't reflect the real person inside.

How do decent people end up in total train wreck situations where they hate their DP???

I hope you don't mind me asking, how are you with your DPs. Are you nice/ affectionate/polite; or is your dislike fairly obvious. Trying to gauge how a woman who hates her DP acts., No point is asking mine as she'd probably just lie.

Thanks

Not name changing...

I was cheated on first, I was stupid and wish I hadn't revenge -cheated
I will never cheat again or be cheated on, I wish I had been stronger then like I am now...So sad, I am the ideal partner now, but mud sticks. Just to say, Leopards do change their spots....Cheaters can be faithful....