Four threads to freedom! Divorcing Twatchops once and for all

[thenamehaschanged]

Still can't copy and paste links but my last thread was New name, new game, less stress, more progress!

This really, really is the last one now - I hope that my story has helped anybody breaking free from abuse - it's bloody hard but you can do it!

Ouch! Hope it goes ok Itsfab

Maybe you need a 'release switch'? Watch a sad movie? Maybe if you can trigger tears for another reason it will unblock that dam and let them flow.

Yes agreed Pond, think I will, thank you I feel really sad and low this afternoon. Hate feeling like this!

Right just googled sob worthy films and The Fault in our Stars seems to have a high blubfest guarantee - clicked onto box office and it's there - so when I've got the kids in bed tonight I'm going to settle down, packet of tissues and just let it all out hopefully - bloody sick of feeling all pent up.

Good plan. You may want to have a few choccys on hand for afterwards! I know once I get it all out, I usually want something sweet.

I'm going through a difficult time at the moment and the tears only seem to come at the most unexpected and inappropriate moments!!!!

If you can afford to, you could book some sort of caring body work such as a massage. Sometimes web we've been living in stressful situation we end up living almost in our heads / brains wth all the thinking and planning etc eyc, and something like a massage can help us move back into our bodies which them helps with the release. Sorry, sound hit hippyish there, but, as log as you don't mind crying in front if the massage therapist, it can be really helpful on this way x

Sorry to hear that Random, hope you're ok

That's a great idea Adara, thank you - can't really afford it but might have a look on groupon or something later

RandomMess . Rather embarrassingly I know we have chatted on here but I can not remember which thread(s). Hope you are okay.

Name you are doing great, carry on.

I'm okay, doing therapy just brings emotions to the surface.

I am thinking perhaps I should watch a weepy, dh and I will no doubt sob together!!!

Definitely get chocs in for after. I'm like RandomMess where tears only come unexpectedly and inappropriately (top deck of a rush hour bus about 18m after my dad died - yes it took that long - and there was no build up or warning: one minute I was fine, the next blubbing uncontrollably). What I do know is that the tears will come, but perhaps they are waiting until you feel safe enough to shed them?

My 'go to' is the original 1934 version of 'Imitation of Life'. The last part of it makes me sob. Not 'sniff, sniff, dab at my tear-sparkling luminous eyes', I mean red eyed, snotty nosed, look like hell sob.

And I've done that start crying in random places thing, too. V embarrassing, especially since I'm not a 'pretty cryer'.

Oh yeah watch a weepy Random

Thanks itsfab

Me too pond, not the most attractive of criers here either

Thanks Jux - gosh weird isn't it - our conscious and subconscious minds.

Agree with Adarajames we can hold our emotions in our bodies. It was 3 years after dealing with my son's birth and his SN and brain surgery that I had some bodywork. Managed to get to the car before the most primal howling emerged from deep within me. Incredibly powerful and cathartic .

Got any songs/music that make you blub Name?

A bit of Elgar (Nimrod) - always gets me welling up and anything that reminds me of me Welsh roots - The crowd singing Mae Hen Wlad at the Rugby and the old bottom lip starts trembling. 'Myfanwy' is dead cert - I get the old lump in the throat and before I know it I'm bawling like a baby.

Or summat (very slightly) more up to date perhaps - Sandy Denny 'Who Knows Where the Time Goes' - works every time for me. I've burst out crying in the car before now when that came on (kids looked at me like I was nuts) or Joni's 'Case of You'? (I'm quite old, so them's 'modern' for me)!

If you ain't Welsh Myfanwy probably won't have the same effect .. but here you go, just in case ....

I was trying to be lighthearted which has backfired somewhat as I hadn't realised the pics with that particular version of Myfanwy ... were of Aberfan.

There are loads of versions of the song on youtube, and I just linked to the first one without watching first - my apologies.

I am the most ugly crier, look bright red, puffy and swollen for a good few hours afterwards.

Fontella sometimes remember events like Aberfan are good for us, to remember the pain and sadness those families endured and to live each day a life with joy in it and not waste it on Twatchops and the like.

Fontella sometimes remember events like Aberfan are good for us, to remember the pain and sadness those families endured and to live each day a life with joy in it and not waste it on Twatchops and the like.

Good point Random.

Gosh that was sad Font, I just watched it

Hope everyone's ok tonight. This thread's taken on a bit of a maudlin vibe and for that I'm sorry.

I watched the film, bit teenage but nevertheless I managed to get a good few tears out. Not the primal howl I feel I need to clear this knot in my chest, but it was a start.

They say relocating, divorce and death of a loved one are the three most stressful things we can go through. I've done two of them, alone, well not even alone, in the face of adversity actually and both at the same time this year. I hate going to that school, I hate all the mums there in their well established by now friend groups. They don't know me and I can't be arsed talking to any of them.

The film was a love story and watching it knowing that I was never, ever loved - it's still hard to believe, but it's true. Abusers don't feel love :(

Anyway - thank you so much everyone - I will be brighter tomorrow with less of the violins, promise! :)

Sorry about last night and my last post everyone - what a pity party I threw myself!!

Already feeling better this morning though - my mums coming up tonight for a few drinks and to stay over - have decided this is going to be my last drink until Christmas. Need to focus on healing properly now as I can't stand feeling like I did yesterday - so i'll be eating better and exercising in my kid free time I think.

Have a lovely day everyone

Hey name you don't have to apologise this is your thread ! You set the tone, you need to cry that's fine, we'll suggest films, you want to party we'll suggest wine!

Have a nice day, be careful with your mum when she's had a few, I'm hoping she isn't going to start haranging you about sorting things out. Maybe spike your wine with lemonade so you keep your wits about you. Sorry but I'm still not sure she's fully on side.

Ahh thanks Petunia and yes agreed on the mum front!

I will be brighter tomorrow with less of the violins, promise!

Actually Name it is important to allow yourself to feel whatever emotions or manner of feeling that you need to feel at that particular time point. When emotions are dampened down, ignored, and not allowed a voice, well that is a recipe for setting yourself up for anger, bitterness and depression. I liken emotions to flatulence - better out than in. If you give a voice to your emotions at the time they happen, and allow yourself to truly feel them, analyse them, recognise where they come from, acknowledge them and allow them to have their time, you will find that eventually the emotion subsides, and feels 'smaller'. I have to deal with some very bad grief due to health issues, and believe me, this method does work.

Its also important to recognise that while you feel a certain emotion, it does not have to affect the people around you, especially your precious DD. Eg I may feel angry, but I will still speak civilly and courteously to people around me.

KOKO Name, its still all a roller-coaster, and there will be good days and bad, but this is why you have threads running to help you through those times. We'll be here holding your hand through the journey

Oh thanks Zazzles that was lovely. I'll be honest I've been really floundering these last couple of days - the fags have started again it was after the drink with bil last Saturday - I left the pub and went straight to the newsagent even with a patch on. I haven't left the house since Wednesday (and nor have the dd's ) it was because they both felt poorly on weds so I kept them off, yesterday I felt so low I just thought I can't face going to the school so I said it was norovirus and therefore could keep them off today too - they're absolutely fine and should be at school, but I can't even cope with overseeing their homework which is due this week - so although I said I was feeling better today - I'm not as bad as yesterday but Christ I feel if I don't sort myself out pretty sharpish I'm going to become agoraphobic.

So - some positives this morning - my agency have sent me details of a job that sounds perfect for me so have put me forward for it, that gave me a lift even if I don't get it, I have ordered Patrick Holfords 'the feel good factor' which seems highly recommended for boosting mood, I have ordered a radio alarm clock, so I will be woken with upbeat music in the morning instead of my phone alarm, I haven't had any wine for a while but I will spritzer mine tonight with my mum and then that's really it for a while as it's a depressant. I'll get on the recommended supplements and should be getting my counselling sessions through soon.
Phew, work to do but it's reached that point now where I know I'm in a proper 'chemical' depressive slump and it isn't me really - I have so much potential, but I need to start with the basics now, better eating and better sleep - so coffee needs to go too!