Four threads to freedom! Divorcing Twatchops once and for all

[thenamehaschanged]

Still can't copy and paste links but my last thread was New name, new game, less stress, more progress!

This really, really is the last one now - I hope that my story has helped anybody breaking free from abuse - it's bloody hard but you can do it!

Good on your dad! Glad it went off hitchless and girls are safely back with you.

Love the Charming Man Syndrome diagnosis! Wonder how long that will last.

Oh I know Jux - i got that from the book 'Power and Control' - really good book actually which H then read and started quoting bits to his solicitor which she put in the letter - he quoted to her that emotional abuser's can sometimes be unaware of what they're doing...pah! That's one bit of the book I don't agree with, or it might be true in some cases but not mine - so of course H jumped all over it and in the letter it went.

Feeling good tonight - I'm not 100% functionally normally - the house is a bit of a tip for instance but all in all I feel positive about the future.

Nope spoke too soon on the positivity front - one of the hamsters has escaped and is now behind the washing machine! Shit!

Ooh ooh! >waves hand in the air< I have an idea: can your friend (whom twatchops hates) do the next handover? Please?

And if you run out of RL people, I'm sure there's any number of vipers happy to do it. You could sell tickets. He'd never have to hear the same person twice saying: "twatchops, you know the rules..."

Not really joking...

Piece of carrot in a container on its side? With any luck hammie will smell it and come out to find it

Don't worry about tipness state of house atm. It is allowed to be less than perfect.

Bummer about the hamster though.

www.hamsterfanaticforum.co.uk/hffblog/?p=37 at least you know where he is! But there's a clever home made trap illustrated at the end of the page which might work if you've a spare minute or two, and you don't have to sit up all night waiting for it to work either!

Ah great, thanks Alice, thanks everyone - got her thank god, the greedy little nipper - we got some of her seeds and made a little pile and lo and behold a little sniffy nose soon appeared haha! Phew!

I had a fleeting bought of H as I attempted to move the washing machine - but then remembered he would have used the opportunity to have a go 'fuck sake name, this is all your fault, why can't you just go the extra mile, write a list and just be better'

Great idea Pedant haha - although I wouldn't want to put my lovely friend through that - H would probably rail at the poor woman!

Oh yes, Mr Write A List at 6.30am - I bet you're glad to be free of that! Lessons in successful living - from the guy who couldn't remember to put his time sheet in or learn to operate his own bank account

Glad the hammie is safe!

one of the hamsters has escaped

Little Houdini . Glad that the escapee was rounded up and put back in its cage where it belongs (Much like Twatty really ).

he would have used the opportunity to have a go

And this is the 'Voice of Unreason' that is going to have to [eventually] go. With so many years with him, you will have internalised that horrid Twatty voice in your head. It takes time, but you have come so, so far Name, that working towards getting rid of this voice should only be a matter of diligence for you. All in its own good time

KOKO Name, you have the people and the resources behind you. This divorce is yours for the taking

Aw thanks Zazzles yes, little Houdini indeed - she just sat there in her cage after she'd been rounded up looking rather shell shocked, so yeah much like H haha!

Yes absolutely Trackr I wonder if he's in his bed sit now furiously writing lists on successful living!

1. Have a wank
2. Remember to flush after having that big shit I promised myself.
3. Spend 20 minutes picking my nose while gawping at telly.
4. Have a wank

His solicitor can quote whatever she likes…and even if he was completely aware 'unaware of what he was doing' the effect of his behaviour on you was the same, and the result is the same. It doesn't really matter if he was aware or not he obviously was You don't want to be married to him. And you won't. You have taken a stand. That is all.

Glad to hear it's all going ok

Hi Name

I have thought about you but not posted as everyone else is so much wiser but your post about not crying struck a chord with me. I never cry over the really awful things that have happened to me but I cry over the poppy installation, or a dog being put to sleep on tv, things in soaps, etc and I am certainly not a robot . I have told myself it is because I can't believe what has happened to me and don't want to believe it really did as otherwise it makes it real.

Does that make sense?

I just don't want to believe any of it and I wonder if it is the same for you. Apologies if I am off the planet with how wrong I am or have completely offended you.

Stay strong.

Stay way from BIL as much as possible.

Remember you have choices and you have a huge team of legal and online friends to help you through everything.

No that makes total sense Itsfab, thank you, you so have not offended me - I cry at the 'small' things too sometimes but major trauma in my life? Not a tear it seems and thanks for the reminders

Thanks FB so true

Cheers Random

It will be the ADs. They sort of cap your emotional range and blunt the edges off everything. Helpful in the short term sometimes but not in the long term. Pain needs to be felt and processed eventually.

But all in good time. For now just keep doing what you're doing and being amazing

Could it be that he caused you to cry? The source of your real emotional pain is no longer there so what you feel now is peace. You cried often enough for the duration of the relationship so now there really is no need.

Thanks Jacey yes I can feel that there are internal preventative measures in place for the release! what I'm worried about is that I can feel really low at times and my instincts tell me I need to go and have a good cry but it's impossible so I think I'm going to chase up the CBT counselling I've been scheduled for, see when it's happening and then I can talk them about weaning off slowly.

Cor don't know whatdoes, maybe? I definitely did tons of crying while in the marriage - there's definitely a big, knotted ball of tears inside that I need to get out and I'm planning on weaning off the ad's eventually and 'scheduling' a big cry session for a weekend when the kids are with H...phew!

That's what I did. I would wait until the kids weren't here, turn off my phone, curl up under a blanket and howl! I always felt so good after, peaceful and kind of cleansed. You've been so strong for so long now. I'm sure the CBT will be helpful but sometimes if it's through an IAPT service the practitioners are very limited in their training and what they can offer. So if it doesn't end up being enough maybe you could could consider private counselling instead? But with twatchops gone you may not even need it!

Thanks for that Jacey, that is what I need to do, I want to feel cleansed and at peace! Twatchops being gone now is bloody great, but I definitely need a bit of work on myself with counselling - thank you and glad it made you feel better

Just a quick look to make sure I haven't offended you and will read properly later. My cap just fell out so off to the dentist [scared][looking like a witch].