Four threads to freedom! Divorcing Twatchops once and for all

[thenamehaschanged]

Still can't copy and paste links but my last thread was New name, new game, less stress, more progress!

This really, really is the last one now - I hope that my story has helped anybody breaking free from abuse - it's bloody hard but you can do it!

Phew, well firstly thanks everyone yes totally agree about the crying - it'll come when it's ready, just don't have the time at the moment!

Dinnae I am so grateful you have taken the time to support me all the way through when you've had your own shit going on. I really really hope that everything will be ok.

So - drop off done. H apparently looked quite she'll shocked that it was my Dad dropping off. My dad said H tried to talk to him but firstly dd2 with perfect timing piped up that she needed the loo so that distracted everyone and when he approached my Dad again he said 'H, you know the rules....BYE!'

So that was that. I now know that if it had have been me, he would really have tried to talk to me. Arsehole!!

Go, NamePater! I've got a bit of a girl crush on him now. The only thing that could have made that more perfect would have been "twatchops, you know the rules..."

Well done name's dad! I'm so pleased your parents (and especially your dad) are being so supportive now. And managing to stick to the script and not getting drawn into conversation is even better.

Now, dear name, you have to learn your script better too and not get drawn into the conversations with BIL. I agree with everyone else that although you may get on OK with BIL, blood is thicker than water and he is not your friend. Be civil to him but do not be overly friendly (e.g. inviting him in for tea or going out boozing with him.) Most especially, do not discuss anything with him, whether it be H, the children, plans for Christmas... not anything! It will most probably all get reported back to H and could later be twisted to portray you in a bad light. Stick to facts and the arrangements for your DDs. That's really all you need to talk to him about and that's 2 minutes' worth of conversation not 3 drinks or a pot of tea.

Haha Pedant I know, I half thought, will Dad let me down now and end up going for a drink or something! Thankfully not, thankfully on my side.

Right, definitely Mitzi - thank you, I feel spurned on by this, BIL actually is just H's bitch at the end of the day - his henchman. He's helped so far, but no more. The lot of them can really fuck off now!

Yay! Who's the daddy now?

Found you
YEAHHH!!!! Go name and names dad
God, Twatchops really pisses me off and I don't even know him

WELL DONE ALL!!!

....and well done DD2 for wanting the loo!!

I like the thought of your H looking shellshocked. Outmanoeuvred!
Good work by your Dad, name.
You are doing so well, keep those boundaries strong

Awesome job by your dad name!

'H, you know the rules....BYE!'

I now know that if it had have been me, he would really have tried to talk to me.

Yep, Twatty knows the rules, but he would be floundering now, because you have 'turned his world upside-down' and changed all the rules of engagement. Never mind that he hasn't taken your concerns seriously for nearly a decade that the marriage has been going on , and behaved like a complete twat to boot. Watch out for those pot-holes (like drop-off) which he will try to use to his advantage, and plan a way around them.

KOKO Name, you are doing brilliantly. There may be a time in the future for tears and grief, as the 'Era of TwatChops' comes to an end. However there is also the bright, bright future of you and your girls doing things your own way

So pleased your dad came all that way to do that for you. TC was probably rehearsing what he was going to say and had the wind taken out of his sales. Hope the kids are ok when they come back.
With regard to having a cry I agree with what everyone says.

I had a very difficult time some years ago fighting to get my disabled daughter into the placement we wanted. Completely out of the blue I got a phone call to say we'd got it. I just dissolved into tears. Hadn't realised how much I had been holding back. Maybe this will happen to you at some point. Relief!!

You're sounding fantastic! You've gone all Xena Warrior! Love the new you name (Ive only posted once on your threads but I watch them daily! ) You're doing great x

Finally found you.

So pleased your dad is supporting you so well. KOKO you are doing brilliantly.

Way to go namesdad. Fab up date, hope the girls get back ok, who was picking up/ dropping them off.?

By his reaction you know he was 'laying in wait' for you ready to ambush you at the drop off! What a pig! It just goes to show (again!) that he has no regard for you or your feelings. It's still all about him and what he wants!! Putz!

Good job, Pops! You are our new hero!

*'H, you know the rules....BYE!'

I now know that if it had have been me, he would really have tried to talk to me*

Brilliant - good old Dad!

You pre-empted H on this one - keep doing it!

Xena Warrior lol! Thanks everyone

Well, drop off happened - my Dad answered the door, DD2 clung to H for a bit (traitor!) H didn't come to the door but I heard him saying bye - all affable and friendly and easygoing sounding - he sounded like a really nice person

Anyway, yes Pond I totally agree on the laying in wait. He has no regard for the rules etc.

Persephone thank you and unmumsnetty hugs too

Lol Zazzles, thank you

Thanks everyone

He used to sound lovely on the phone as well didn't he? All for show. You know the reality.

Yes totally Cheminotte, thank you! It's ok I wasn't swayed, was just a bit weird hearing his voice after all this time - it's been 3 weeks almost!

And how good have you felt in that 3 weeks?

You are sounding so much stronger, even just the way you write is more positive. KOKO my friend you are doing amazing, but be prepared for the shit to hit the fan when he realises the lady is not for turning.

Well done DaddyName, three cheers for being the hero.

Well done so far name too, glad I found you again ... as everyone else says KOKO

he sounded like a really nice person

My ex (who your H reminds me so much of) used to sound like a really nice person too. Charming. He'd always smile at people, make eye contact, shake their hand, kiss the ladies on the cheek Continental thingy (he was Greek the smarmy bastard) make them feel like they were someone really special. He could be like that with me as well. The start of the relationship I honestly thought I'd hit the jackpot - but I soon went from princess to doormat when the other side of him (and I would say, the 'real' him) started to emerge. But he made out he was this wonderful partner, father, would do anything for anyone type of bloke, and he was, when it suited him to be like that.

That's the trouble with these fuckers. They can come across so well, that no one believes they are capable of some of the things they are capable of.

At least that is what I thought. However, I was genuinely shocked to discover when I finally got rid, that almost everyone had seen through him. I'd assumed I would be cast as the villain of the piece - 'how could she do that to such a lovely bloke type' thing - but instead I got 'we're surprised you stuck it out as long as you did'. I thought they all thought he was great, but instead most thought he was a controlling creep.

It's amazing how our perception of things can get so totally skewed isn't it? I look back now and it's quite jaw dropping to think of some of the shit I put up with, how mixed up everything was in my head, how much I doubted myself and how I allowed him to do what he did for so long. But I think that ability they have to come across as 'a really nice person' .. is part of it.

Thanks Petunia yes these three weeks have been so calm in comparison with how I lived before. But yes we shall see what tricks he has up his sleeve soon!

Hey Booby, great seeing you over here

BIL actually is just H's bitch at the end of the day Yes, name, keep that thought in mind.

You are doing a great job of making sure he is kept at arm's length. Very useful that your dad was able to help out just when you needed it, sounds like he dealt with TC's attempts at worming his way back in brilliantly!

One day at a time, KOKO.

Oh absolutely Font, thank you. Yes the charming Man syndrome. It definitely makes these fuckers difficult to believe - but there is no way I'm being swayed, even if he is in counselling and anger management - will make not a jot of difference to him really, being a charming abuser is in his DNA.

Haha thanks FB!