Hey everyone! 
Thank you for all your messages and PM's, I was really touched to be thought about but then also quite 
as I will admit I had been avoiding you all as things haven't exactly turned out in the way you would all have been expecting......for now anyway.
TC is back. Yep, as we got nearer to his deadline for submitting his Form E, he resigned from his job. We had got to an out of court agreement, or so I thought, with selling the house, a fair divide and maintenance. But no, he told me through his brother that he was going to get a part time job that would slash his salary by two thirds so that he could be a stay at home 50/50 parent.
Rottie's chin hit the floor and I was devastated. I needed his maintenance to help me secure a mortgage and for us to survive with my earnings and my share of the equity as deposit for a flat where we live.
DD1 (9) has been to 3 primary schools in all our having to move around because of his chaotic employment and financial decisions so there is no way I will be moving them again, they're in a great school and are really happy there 
So I started looking at flats away from the area which would have meant a commute for us - and then he walked out of his job, just walked out and turned up on my doorstep in the afternoon in floods of tears - he get's it, he's so sorry, he knows he's a narcissist and has signed up to a Respect affiliated programme for abuser's (not started yet), he's been the problem, wants to make it up to us, knows how good we can be etc etc. I didn't give in then but I did later that night after he had taken the kids out for the evening.
This was all end of January. He moved back in early Feb and has taken a new, 'stress free' 4 day job. As I was telling my friend on Saturday, there have been benefits to it in terms of support with the kids, both DD's happy as he's being 'nice' and I have seen changes in him, I can see he's terrified of losing us, but the control is still there, just not so 'in yer face' at the moment (if you discount the whole walking out of the job to financially trap us saga 
) .....and there has not been, nor can there ever be any sex. I know that's the final frontier he's desperate to conquer, but if I gave in there too, I would fall apart, my numbness to it everything is what's holding me together at the moment.
BUT - I'm ok, honestly - we are in the middle of remortgaging to do a kitchen extension which will add value to the house I.e a larger, more survivable-on deposit chunk for me and I'm happily back at work.
I feel that when it comes to it again, which it will, I will be in a much stronger position - I thought I was ready last year but actually I was in a fragile, vulnerable state, I've had years of it, they were my first major steps to freedom but
I also know not to agree to out of court settlements through his brother or family either when the time comes. Although, this new job of his, he's really happy in.
So that's it really, that's why I haven't been back on here 
the divorce is on hold until June - Rottie says all is still doable even after June and that I can call her anytime.