URGENT Please give your tips to heal a broken heart

[innerstrength100]

He said I was his soulmate and he would never ever let me go. He has let me go. Although we didn't live together, he has been part of our family for 2 and half years, and I have never felt so loved as I did in that time.

Have boxed up everything he's ever given me and put in loft. Working up towards deleting all text messages.

Please please post any tips you have to help heal a broken heart as quickly as possible.

Thank you crushed. I do think I have done well today. But I still just really really really just want him back. Now. I have no idea how to get rid of that feeling; it is quite overwhelming.

You did very well today Inner. You will never know how to get rid of that feeling, it will just happen gradually. I know it's not much help but you can't really rush it. It is absolutely overwhelming. Just try to believe that other people got through it and you will too.

When I was going through it I thought I would be the exception and live in torment forever. It didn't turn out that way. I did get over it and life has had lots of great times since. It has not been plain sailing since but life is never plain sailing. I learned so much from that experience. I learned how important it is to value the people that you love. It might not be him but you got a little taste of how wonderful it can be. I got so close to my DC and my friends and family. Anytime I hear someone going through this experience I understood exactly what they are going through.

Before this happened to me I thought that maybe people were being a bit self indulgent by wallowing in misery. Those thoughts haunt me a bit and I feel like I was such a fool. I hadn't a clue.

I hope you get some sleep tonight. Myself and other posters are holding you up so let us keep watch while you get a bit of kip!

Delete his number Inner! It's too tempting, do it now x

Browers I came in to say exactly the same two things as you did!

That before I had my heart broken I used to think people were exaggerating about how much hurts

And secondly, when I was in the midst of it I used to get quite cross with friends when they said that time would help and that I would be happy again. I sort of believed that they had no idea how bad this was and that I would feel that way forever. Turns out they were right and I didn't feel that way forever at all!

Inner you will get through this and this horrible pain and longing will subside. Honest

Thank you so so so much. Don't know what I would do without the support on here from people who truly understand.

Feel shit today. Utterly shit. Miss him so so so bad. Just want him back. Want him to see sense. I know he loves me he is just so so messed up with other things right now.

I am a mess, a fucking mess. I am not suicidal, don't worry, I simply do not know how to live without the love of my life. It feels like half my soul is missing.

Oh it's a horrible feeling. The absolute pits. Like a physical pain. Reading what you're writing here brings it all back.

But hey, you've got through another morning. And soon it'll be another day. Then a week. And slowly slowly you will get there!

And I know this will sound harsh. And you won't want to hear it because you still love him. But people who love you don't break your heart and cut you off without a backwards glance, no matter what else is going on in their lives.

Either there's something he's not telling you. Or he's not the man you thought he was. Either way, it's not good.

Try not to romanticise him and let him off the hook for the pain he's putting your through with excuses for him. He's a grown man responsible for his own actions.

Inner, if it's true that he still loves you then HE has to discover that for himself. You can't make somebody. And he finds out by you NOT being there. You don't know what he thinks right now, whether he wants to come back or whether this is the end and you can't do that for him. Your texts are getting into his space and probably having the opposite effect that you want.

The most important thing right now is YOU. You need to look after you - not care for his mental wellbeing. You need to heal, accept it is over.

Yes you are quite right Stupidhead. I know I need to leave him alone now.

I am not ready to give up hope with it yet, however much people try and push me forward and convince me to let go of him once and for all. But I know I need to focus on healing myself right now.

years ago I was so heartbroken I went to stay with my parents in New York and literally walked the streets all day long crying virtually doubled up or imagining him at the airport when I flew home with an engagement ring telling me he'd made a mistake. I truly thought I would never get over it.

But I did and you will too. You are doing great and now I honestly just think thank god i didn't end up with him he had a lot of problems too.

Nobody can push you. You won't let him go till you're ready. But you won't start healing till you do.

Believe me, I know. I hung on for five miserable, tear stained, humiliating, horrible, pointless soul-destroying months before I found out the truth about him, drew a line and cut him out of my life completely

Now, looking back, it's those water 5 months that I regret more than anything in the whole affair

I still love him. I probably always will. But I let him go, stopped hoping and started living. It's the hope that will kill you.

Water = wasted

I can't let go. I have hope we will sort it out. I cannot let go of him.

I know you do. And you won't let that hope go till you are ready to do it. No amount of anyone saying it will make you ready until you are.

But think about how he has treated you. And don't keep him too high on a pedestal

Yes, that is true. But totally not ready to give up hope. Just need to leave him alone for a bit and sit it out. Cannot give up on him.

innerstrength I am so sorry you are going through this. I can feel your pain.

I am going to tell you about something I am working on even though it may be off the mark.
I am going through a break-up and realised that a lot of good things in life - sunshine, certain music, etc - was painful because I associated it with P: plans we had made, times we had been feeling hopeful (or I had - one of the things to realise is that I don't know when P gave up, all this may have been in my head - anyway- )

So I was being all "oh god the sunshine on this place of pretty trees where we moved and thought we would be happy forever, I can't bear it -"

and then I thought, No. This is my day, my gorgeous sunshine, my town, my trees (well only to look at! Not my trees but you know what I mean.)
HE doesn't own everything that is good in life. He doesn't own a song or a movie because he likes it, or bought it for the dcs. He doesn't own sunshine because we went for walks together once. It's not like I can't enjoy it because we aren't together any more to enjoy it together.

It is amazing how much thinking this helps.

Sorry if this is off the mark for you.

Very very best of luck

Ros that sounds like a really good way of thinking. Glad it's helping and so sorry you are going through this pain too.

Inner I know you're thinking "stfu Bit. You have no idea how I'm feeling" but sadly a lot of us do (like poor Ros above) and I promise you, you will get over it. Just give it time. Give yourself time. Try and concentrate on your own healing, not hoping he'll come back or you'll get caught in this horrible place for longer than you need to

How has your evening been inner?

I love Rosdearg's approach, putting oneself first is hard to do but so very valuable. Its the core really, if we can't treasure ourselves we are fundamentally on the road to ruin. If only it was that straightforward.

Inner, you have another day under your belt. Like Bit says, you think we are mental and haven't a clue what you are feeling but WE DO KNOW.

When I was going through the heartbreak you are experiencing I remember cursing people who said 'time will heal'. It just sounded like a cliche at the time. It is truly shit but it takes time. Try to be kind to yourself and know without a doubt that you will get through this.

Sleep well x

No, I don't think you are mental, not at all, and truly truly am grateful to you all. I am listening to you all, really I am.

I am trying to heal myself by looking at new things, eating well, looking after myself, focussing on friends and kids etc.

BUT I do not believe this relationship is over. I just don't. I know I need to leave him alone for the time being. But I do not believe he doesn't love me, I just don't. I think his head is in a complete mess.

I am struggling to cope with the depth of the feelings I have.

Yes just focus on yourself for now, not him. If it's meant to be it will be. There is no point in trying to convince him to be with you. He needs to make his mind up on his own or you are destined to be hurt again. Anyway, who wants to be with someone who isn't sure about their feelings towards you? You deserve someone to be excited about you as you are about them!
Better things are out there for you and don't ever doubt yourself.
Good luck today, you can do it

Been checking in on your thread inner... How's your week been? Sending thoughts and love x

Thank you for checking WankeyDoodle. Not a good week. Feel worse than a week ago. However I try and keep busy busy and see people and do new things and focus on my lovely children there is no escape from how I feel, and how much I miss him. No escape.