URGENT Please give your tips to heal a broken heart

[innerstrength100]

He said I was his soulmate and he would never ever let me go. He has let me go. Although we didn't live together, he has been part of our family for 2 and half years, and I have never felt so loved as I did in that time.

Have boxed up everything he's ever given me and put in loft. Working up towards deleting all text messages.

Please please post any tips you have to help heal a broken heart as quickly as possible.

Just a thought about something you said inner I actually found that as much as I thought I couldn't face it, going out really did help. Even if it was just to pay a bill or nip round Sainsburys.

Walking my dogs has been my saviour too.

When you think about texting him post on here instead or call a friend.

When my husband left I suddenly started watching the soaps again- hadn't done in years, since I was a student, there was something very comforting about it. I also started reading trashy magazines like Closer etc

Change things around in the house- new pictures, new bedlinen etc. Make plans, go and visit friends if you can. If you don't feel like cooking, cut corners- the kids won't starve on a few weeks of fishfingers/beans on toast etc.

Give your kids lots and lots of cuddles.

Have you ever watched The Good Wife? It's on Netflix, about a lawyer whose husband cheats on her and she has to go out and get a job and raise her kids alone. It's very good, I watched it obsessively after my ex left, and tried to channel my inner Alicia Florrick

Be careful about new relationships... I stupidly bounced into a bit of a rebound relationship only 3 months after my ex left. It was all lovely and now suddenly it's gone wrong after 5 months and I feel like I am back to square 1

Avocado, exactly! You need some rubbish tv and magazines. I actually downloaded and read all Jordan's autobiographies

I just needed some easy to read fluff to escape.

I have managed to get through the day without texting him. Just.

Today has not been good. Cannot remember ever crying so much in one day. Am still in total denial; keep thinking he is going to text saying he loves and misses me, or turn up on doorstep or something. My head is full of fantasies and delusions like this. I still have hope.

Oh honey well don't for not texting him. Just one day at a time. You. WILL get through this. X

I spent months having conversations in my head with my ex every night when I was in bed at night. It took months to feel ok again but I remember waking up
One morning and feeling happy again. And feeling happy that I could actually feel happiness again. It takes time but you will eventually get there.. X

Wow - you actually just suddenly woke up one morning happy again?! Do you know what triggered your recovery or helped you get to that point?

I'm in the same situation but we have a 10 yr and 3 yr and I was diagnosed with cancer - and he pretty much let me know it was over. I feel, lost rejected and totally don't understand. I am now seeing a counsellor (she is amazing - but not all counsellors are, so you may have to see a few until something feels right). I have to work with the git too - so basically between work and hand over of kids I see and speak to him everyday. But in the last 2 months I have cut out everything of him from my home. I deleted my Twitter account - because I could see what he was doing, his mobile number (I can always call my mum who has it if it's an emergency and I cant contact him on his landline), I deleted every text message and through away all his letters and cards. Still hard tho ....... but I am getting a few 'good' days now where as it was all so painful to start with that I couldn't even manage to cook the kids simple meals! I think the main this is to get rid of his stuff, and any form of contact - and if possible stop driving yourself insane by wondering WHY - because you will never really get an answer to that.

I am so sorry, your emotions will be like a roller coaster - but you will get there. xxx

It was just time. About 4 months I'm afraid. Hope it doesn't take you that long.

Been there, done it - last year.

You're doing well - keeping busy etc. You'll be fine - just takes time. I'm as happy as can be

Yeah Innerstrength you will wake up happy! I did have very bad days but then out of the blue I'd have a great day. I knew the next day might be tough (which it usually was) but I'd enjoy the good days for what they were.

Did you get any sleep last night?

Slept off and on. Then wake up and it hits me in pit of stomach.

I am going to try a method for a few hours of attempting to block all thoughts and fantasies and memories about him. Got this from a psychology book last night. Every time I realise I am thinking about him or remembering him or fantasising about him coming back I need to catch myself and say "BLOCK" and try and stop the train of thought.

I'm not very good at doing that sort of thing, but will try.

Joywillcome - you poor woman. Be strong. Very glad you are seeing a counsellor. Very sorry you have to work with him too. I do hope you are making progress, both with your emotional recovery, AND your physical recovery.

Have you tried the exercises in the Paul McKenna book? The one about remembering them and making the image black and white and further away from you is a good one. You sound in such distress I think it would really help you.

That's the spirit inner!

I consider healing myself and my broken heart last year (it seems longer ago than that!) to be one of my best achievements. I feel proud of myself and this time next year you will too

Oh innerstrength I'm sorry you are feeling like this.

You are doing all the right things. Keep putting nice clothes on. Do your make up. There is a point, it's for you. Delete his number, go see your friends, talk and talk and talk all you need. Things will get easier. One day at a time.

Ok, managed to get through the whole morning without crying, and kept makeup on, so that was an achievement. This afternoon, not doing as well. Thanks for the Paul Mckenna suggestion, am already working through that.

The main four things that are keeping me going right now are:

1. He knows how I feel; I have been honest and true about that.

1. You CANNOT force someone to love you or to want to see you. You just cannot.

1. I cannot solve his problems and family and work pressures that led to this.

1. Who knows, maybe one day he will come back, but RIGHT NOW it is over, and I cannot stay in limbo.

(NB Number 4 is the closest I can get to actually accepting that it really is finished. It is for now.)

Well done inner. You have done brilliantly

That's fantastic! And those statements are both true and rational. Keep on with that, it will help to keep you sane. Btw there's a lovely thread on here of quotes to help you keep going when you feel you can't go on. You might find some on there to help you at this difficult time. It will get better, I promise you!

Yes I have just found the positive mantra thread. It's lovely. May even need to print it out.

This too will pass.

But I just want him back. And still praying for that to happen.

Fake it till you make it - imagine yourself in a few years time, free of him, confident and happy, imagine meeting him by accident - become the woman that he kicks himself for letting go.

And you do NOT need another man to validate any of that. Be happy because of who you are not who you are with, ironically we become much more attractive to the right sort of men when we are happy in ourselves.

My ex left after 25 yrs (yes, OW) and I refuse to pretend we were not happy for a lot of that time. Don't rewrite history would be my advice, yes, you were happy, it was a good relationship for a few years, then it stopped being a good relationship for him because he changed. I very much believe your no.2 - when it stops working for one person in the relationship then it's over no matter how much the other wants it to continue.

Sitting on my bed now crying and crying and crying and crying.

Why can't I have him back? We are both lovely people, he is just very overloaded right now.

Done so much praying about this.

I feel like God has let me down and is not listening to me.

Inner, where are your kids while you are doing all this crying? How old are they? Can you focus on doing stuff with them rather than on yourself?

Yes I am dealing with the kids, cooking tea and baths and all the normal stuff acting as normal. Then when it overwhelms me I come to bedroom and cry just for a few minutes when they are watching tv or whatever so they can't hear me, then I go back downstairs and be normal mummy again. I promise I am not neglecting my kids or anything like that. I am also giving them lots of extra cuddles.

They have only seen me cry once about this, and that was when I told them we had split. They loved him and spent a lot of time with him. He was here a lot.

Since then I trying really really hard to put a positive slant on it when I am with them, and doing the crying and deep grief bit when can't see me.