URGENT Please give your tips to heal a broken heart

[innerstrength100]

He said I was his soulmate and he would never ever let me go. He has let me go. Although we didn't live together, he has been part of our family for 2 and half years, and I have never felt so loved as I did in that time.

Have boxed up everything he's ever given me and put in loft. Working up towards deleting all text messages.

Please please post any tips you have to help heal a broken heart as quickly as possible.

(Also, I'm really sorry, but I think you should consider asking MN to change the title. I don't feel on the Relationships board that this deserves "urgent").

From bitter experience I'd get rid of anything to do with him: any article in the house, any furniture, presents, cards, anything.

Delete all contact details and don't lose any dignity by contacting him. You will be so proud of yourself in the future if you don't contact.

Keep busy: a new hobby, get in touch with friends/family/join in with anything social going/cinema/drinks/meals with friends/do more with the DC. At home watch old films/box sets/read books/tidy the cupboards/decorate/buy new bedlinen/plan a holiday etc. etc.

[A puppy or kitten will keep you so busy worn out and stop you thinking about one thing].

Definitely don't agonise or over think why he left. You will never really know, any explanation he would give wouldn't be the truth anyway. Don't waste your energy on this issue. Use your energy to do things for yourself and people who deserve your company.

Look after yourself, eat and drink sensibly [after initial dramatic early couple of days where you are entitled to drown your sorrows!], rest, get enough sleep. Take long walks. See this as an opportunity...to change, do new things, to grow.

Time has to go by, in the meantime I wish you well. And his loss.

If you can't delete him as a contact on your phone, why not give him a more appropriate name? Like shithead?

Yes you're right actually Betty. I don't think I will EVER understand why he has done this; I have already tied myself in knots spanning weeks trying to make sense of it. It will never make sense.

I'm sorry to hear of your heartbreak. I find distraction helps, with periods of time dedicated to actually feeling the pain, and then back to being distracted. I've watched box sets, got involved with various projects, house hunted, spent time with kids etc.
It does get better.

Keeping busy is my thing, and multitasking like crazy so my head can't go off on the thing I'm trying not to think about, so I do art / craft work / gardening / decorating, whilst listening to a very involving audio novel- then my brain is fully engaged on other things and I find it easy to avoid dwelling which I am otherwise prone to. Gets lots of work find too! X

Trying to set daily/weekly goals to distract myself and be positive. ie, a physical fitness goal, a household goal ie clearing something out or decorating one area, a work based goal, and a social goal - going out and doing something or seeing a friend etc. Plus trying something new every week.

Other than that just miss him so so bad and can't stop crying. Not good this morning.

I hear you. I'm here too.
Yes keep busy, my 9 week dd keeps me going I'd be a jibbering wreck if I didn't have her.
It also helps me to read positive affirmations about being a strong woman, being single & getting out of a bad relationship.
It's been 7 weeks for me now, I still cry but not as much as before, I am on anti d's though & seeing a counsellor.
Keep talking, don't give up. We will all get there eventually xxx

First things, you are being amazing by asking for help to get over him and not how to get him back.

Get rid of all your underwear. Even if you have to buy bright and cheerful Primark jobbies. New knickers really help.

Get rid of your bedding, ditch every cover HE has seen and buy new ones. In fuck off PINK!

Delete his number. Seriously. Remember the last 3 digits in case he calls for something but delete it. If you can't bring yourself to then write in on a bit of paper and hide it all a rumpled up in the freezer so hopefully any tipsy texting will be avoided. Then delete. And block him on FB. You don't need that shit. This is about YOU.

On the nights you'd usually do something then plan some fun. Night out, pizza and films with the DCs anything other than what you'd do normally.

Avoid the programmes you watched together and watch something new. Hopefully something he hated, TOWIE and sitting in your dressing gown with no make up = win!

Face each day with a full face of war paint. Fake it until you make it.

Get rid of EVERYTHING to do with him, his mug, knick-knacks, jewellery, CDs, everything. And treat yourself to a brand new expensive FUCK OFF and FUCK YOU perfume.

DONT go for a drastic new haircut, they rarely work and might make you feel worse.

Delete all soppy songs and 'our tune' from your iPod. Listen to metal \m/\m/

The best way to get over a man is to get under another. You'll hate yourself in the morning though but maaaan the ego trip helps.

And balsamic vinegar? Pttf, you should have dumped him first

You'll get there angel face x

Thanks for advice. It is horrible.

Sorry to hear you are here too Crushed2914. I have just booked a session with a counsellor for next week. Can't see that I will ever put my heart back together at the moment.

No you won't right now, you need to grieve. This is hell but you will come out the other side, I feel stronger today than I did yesterday, you have to take the good days & forget the bad ones.
I have just taken stupidheads advice & blocked him & the OW on ALL social media, it will feel like cold turkey at first because it's felt like my only link to him but it's not healthy to keep looking back, only makes me sadder.
Be brave. Xx

Well done Crushed! It's hard but seeing anything is only hurting you. You will get through this and come out stronger, it's just the getting there that hurts x

Read this and keep referring back and reading when it hurts. This saved me -

breakuprecoveryguide.com

Thank you. Will look at that link now.

Keep having fantasies that he is just going to turn up on doorstep and ask me to marry him.

Oh ffs Innerstrength
I don't want you to get your hopes up but that happened to me.

But I was blocking, deleting and ditching stuff trying to move on. Don't have that him coming back as the end goal, your priority is to heal yourself x

I couldn't accept it for ages because I was convinced my husband would turn up at my parents & beg me to come back to him say it was a terrible mistake but it hasn't happened, it won't happen & even if it did I'd have to say do one.
You deserve someone to treat you so much better & taking a little you time right now will help in the long run to find that person. I don't think I'll meet anyone for a long time, I have a tiny baby & I wouldn't have thought that is likely to make me much of an option right now but it's ok. I need the time alone with dd, she needs 100% of me & when I'm alone I need 100% of me. You CAN go it alone, you ARE a strong woman & you WILL find someone again.
It will be a few weeks before you start to believe it, hang in there x

Oh innerstrength have read your posts with my mouth open, aghast at just how similar your situation was to mine 2 years ago.

First of all, you have already done brilliantly and are doing all the right things - you sound great! I'd very happily take you out for a drink and a pizza Listen to the marvellous advice from the great MNers here. They will help you along

I have done all the things you've done, and more. But one thing that helped me was to realise that IT DOESN'T MATTER. I spent days and nights and weeks trying to work out why. When had it gone wrong. Why did he change? What could I have done differently? I was so heartbroken I made myself ill with the wondering and churning it all over and over in my mind day and night. Then I realised that these answers don't matter. IT DOESN'T MATTER. If he managed to tell me the truth it wouldn't heal my heart, it may hurt me more so IT DOESN'T MATTER. Having the answers wouldn't bring him back so IT DOESN'T MATTER. Try and think that when you start to obsess with it. Say "IT DOESN'T MATTER", out loud if necessary

BTW mine did turn up and propose a few months later. It was all just an act of panic on his part and he quickly disappeared again.

I wish you all the very very best. Time will be your friend and you will come out of the other side. Promise.

Thank you for that thought.

The website that stupidhead recommended also talks about the fact "it doesn't matter", and was hugely helpful.

I'm afraid I texted him this afternoon. I know about the no contact thing, and totally understand it, but I had such feelings welling up and I am only on day 2. He did not reply. I will not text again I promise. Am a mess.

Oh OP you poor poor thing.

Don't be too hard on yourself about the text. It's done now, so there's no point at beating yourself up about it. It's gone, done, past, forgotten. Move on

Have you got any RL support? You really do need it!

This is my other sure fire pick-me-up listen to it LOUD!

Online dating for the flirting and ego boost when you read nice emails.

Literally get rid of everything. Not boxed up in the loft to be hanging over you - thrown in tip.

Delete his number, email etc and never, ever contact him again. If he contacts you, delete contact without reading it.

Book lots of friends in for visits, outings, coffee etc and don't talk about the break up for more than ten mins at a time.

Get some new clothes, get a haircut, get your nails done - or whatever so there is a visible change in you, a marker for moving on.

And remember, at all times, 'this too shall pass' and 'in every garden some rain must fall.'

Bloody men. Have a glass of wine on me

Yes have booked in lots of nice girlfriends over the next few days.

Still at the stage of sobbing in public places I'm afraid. Actually did that this afternoon. Day 2.

Write an email/letter. Say what you need to say, pour it all out. Go back to it again and again and again once a day. Perfect it, add to it, say everything you need to say. Apart from that time, try not to think of him, only use that time. If he intrudes your thoughts, then just tell yourself, No, I'm not thinking about him now, only when I do my letter .

After a while, you will be so sick to death of going though it all you'll just want to leave it and never see it again. Never send it, it is just for you. Once it is done, just leave it. I chose to print mine off and delete the actual document. A lot later on, I tore it up.

Two days in, early days. Most of all, be kind to yourself and give yourself time to grieve as that is what it is.

Oh lord yes I did that. Went to the gym. Running on treadmill. Sad song came on. I collapsed into a sobbing mess.

But the sobbing will get further apart until one day you'll realise that you haven't cried all day.

You are doing great - you've put all the pieces in pace to let time do it's healing thing

It's so hard I know plenty of people have probably said this but it does get better!!
My ex left me just over a month ago and I was devastated. I sat and cried for days. I begged him and made myself look like a complete sausage.
He has been in touch telling me how much better his new girlfriend is and how they will be together forever and honestly all I can say now is good luck to them! This time last month it would have killed me!
Take it one day at a time and I promise you will feel better!!

When my relationship ended I really noticed how many songs were about love, I ended up a sobbing mess every time I went out shopping! I created my own playlist of strong female songs to give me strength and energy when I was feeling down, definitely helped!