URGENT Please give your tips to heal a broken heart

[innerstrength100]

He said I was his soulmate and he would never ever let me go. He has let me go. Although we didn't live together, he has been part of our family for 2 and half years, and I have never felt so loved as I did in that time.

Have boxed up everything he's ever given me and put in loft. Working up towards deleting all text messages.

Please please post any tips you have to help heal a broken heart as quickly as possible.

Nights are the worst, try and get an early night and every morning you'll feel a bit better

I'm about 2-3 months on from something very similar. Two years, absolutely blissful, suddenly he's not happy.

He offered a couple of weeks ago to meet up for a drink to explain himself. I put it on the back burner and was deliberately dignified about it. In the last couple of days I've realised I don't really want to go for that drink. I don't really want his explanation.

I still have sad moments sometimes but I haven't cried for ages. I too lost the best part of a stone. I couldn't eat, I couldn't concentrate, I was a mess of grief and anger.

I'm definitely coming out the other side, and even a few weeks ago I couldn't see that happening. It helped me to write a list of why he actually wasn't that great. And the cruel way he treated me has helped me to put into perspective some incidents/conversations we had when together that I'd glossed over or minimised in the throes of love.

I'm also trying to look back on the relationship with some happiness. It WAS a great two years, that's why it hurt to end it. But it would never have worked long term unless both of us were totally on board.

Ottilie this is helpful thank you. I really can't imagine feeling as healed as you describe in 2-3 months. Am an utter mess, and just want him back so so badly.

I have written the list of his faults, yes. I'm afraid I don't have any anger towards him whatsover; it would be easier if I did. He has a lot of trouble in his life which is not his fault.

I didn't think I'd feel this way either, I promise.

You need to get angry. Because dumping someone so suddenly is a cruel thing to do. Whatever his good points, he's not handled this as well as he could.

I honestly wish I could get angry with him, I really do. I know that would help me move forward. But those sort of feelings are just not there, however hard I try and force them. I just do not feel any anger towards him, only love. Am a wreck. Not coping with this. Not at all.

Inner, can I just add that you don't have to be angry with him if that's how you feel! Sometimes it's not the appropriate emotion, but if any of your children were put though the same pain, what would you as a mum be telling them? (Regardless of which sex was doing it?)

I think think you're doing amazingly well, so don't beat yourself up at having Wobblies- we all do it . X

If it's any consolation inner I'm pretty cross with him and would like to smack him legs

I'm afraid I texted him this morning. I know you will all think I am weak. Yes I feel weak. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I don't expect he will reply. I just needed to say how much I love amd miss him. Feel so so low.

And did he reply inner?

No.

The only positive is that maybe finally that will help me towards some kind of acceptance.

Oh inner honestly I've been there. I text my husband like a woman possessed, tried to wind him up just to get a reply, begged, shouted, poured out my heart to only silence. On the rare occasion I got a response it didn't make me feel better only worse. It's a process you'll go through. I knew it wasn't helping trying to get some response from him but I just couldn't help myself.
Eventually I made a desicion to send one last 'farewell' text & that was that. I haven't text him since, it's been two weeks now & the desire to really does ease off. Don't get me wrong I still jump at any texts I get thinking/hoping it's him but it never is & it never will be again. I know this now.
There really isn't anything else I can say that will help you, I've been just as low, but the days are steadily getting brighter. I can only suggest you fill your days as much as you can, treat yourself kindly & please try to eat. You really need the strength from good nutrition, I do it on autopilot, don't even taste the food just eat it because I know I have to.
Keep going

That really is proof that the best answer is no answer.

Ok. Dust yourself off. Give yourself a little pep talk. And start afresh now

And that was a brilliant post from crushed who is only a few weeks ahead of you. Listen to what she says. It does get better

Inner, I really feel for you and I have been there too. It was one of the most awful things that ever happened to me, I thought I was going to die. It was just pure agony. One day he was there and then he was gone. I think I texted him about a million times.

An old friend of mine took my phone and deleted his number. She told me she was going to do it and was being really kind to me. She had been through a similar experience years ago.

Deleting his number was the start of getting better. It was still hell but it was the first positive step I took. I recommend that you delete his number.

Focus on your DC because with them you can't show how upset you are and have to pretend to be normal. The tiny little chinks of normal will get bigger and bigger.

I know you won't believe me but it will get better. Look after yourself.

Crushed, you are doing a great job under tough circumstances. Well done you x

Thank you crushed. It is good to hear you have some hope.

Am in a bad bad place and really struggling.

Someone new is how.

Inner, we are all here supporting you even though you can't see us. Lots of mums on here know exactly what you are going through. The pain is excrutiating. I wish I could take it away for you. I wish I could say something to help you. Is there any possibility you could try to watch repeats of Friends or some other lighthearted show to distract yourself even for a few minutes?

Maybe write him a letter and spell out how dreadful you feel. You don't need to post it, rip it up but perhaps getting it out will give you a bit of a reprieve.

Is there someone you can ring to talk to because talking about it does help get it out slowly but surely?

I know you think it will never end but it will. You will move on and get some joy back into your life.

I am thinking about you from afar.

It sounds cliche but it is really just time. After being dumped by my live in ex boyfriend of 6 years I remember lying in the bed and wailing, not just crying, wailing the place down!
You have to be kind to yourself and take each day as it come. Recognise that some days will be easier than others and that you will have slip ups with texting etc. Don't beat yourself up over this.
Notice every little improvement no matter how minor. I still remember how impressed I was with myself on the first day I managed to go through a whole one without shedding a tear.
Eventually it got easier and found spending time with those who love you help. I even took to doing the weekly tesco shop with my mum just so I wouldn't be on my own. Obviously the last thing I would ever have wanted to do before
I'm 2 and a half years on now and happy. You will be too, take comfort in knowing this.

Thank you so so much Browers and Vix. Really really helpful. Thank you for reading, and understanding, and wanting to help. Girl Power. (watery smile).

Just cant stop crying. Just can't believe it. Really can't believe it.

Right. Sunday morning starts here. Ex has kids today. I am actually glad that I did send that text yesterday, because now I now he hadn't replied I think that is going to help with the acceptance. Here is my plan for today:

1.Try and BLOCK all thoughts memories and fantasies of him when they arise by shouting BLOCK out loud if necessary. Keep concentrating on the present moment and bring myself back to what I am doing right NOW rather than longings for certain futures or memories of past things.

1. Go to a heavy duty exercise class.

1. Go into town and start xmas shopping. Tart myself up to do this in best outfit. Smile at strangers.

Good plan!

Could you add

1. Delete all numbers / email addresses / FB / every method of communication!

Few I still sometimes get the "I can't believe it!" Feeling as well, nearly 2 years in! But it does lessen and it does decrease. And time really truly is a healer

Good woman yourself! Just do your best and enjoy smiling at strangers. Its a lovely day here and I hope it is with you. Have you deleted that number yet??? Enjoy your day.

Ok. I think I've done really well today with the keeping busy and distracting myself. Kept out in public places and with people all day so I couldn't really cry at all. I also think I will not be tempted to text any more. It is very very clear now that he is not going to reply to whatever I say, and I really have tried, and been so so honest declaring my love.

Have not done so well with the fantasies - ie driving home I was stupidly imagining that he would be parked outside my house waiting for me to return so he could sob and apologise for his mentalness.

I am back home now and funnily enough he was not outside my front door.

Need to just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Sounds like you've done really well, glad you've had a better day.
I fantasise aswell, only now it's a fantasy he begs me to go back & I say no.
They will go too eventually, put some movies on tonight & try to involve yourself in them as much as you can.
Well done, your doing great.