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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

It's my wedding night. I'm all alone.

479 replies

IsThisReallyHappening · 04/11/2014 21:03

Today I got married.

This afternoon we arrived at our hotel to stay the night.

On arrival I checked my facebook to see some congratulation messages.

One message was not quite what I was expecting.

My 'husband' cheated on me 8 weeks ago.

I'm now sat here alone. On my wedding night. My 'husband' is gone.

I'm pregnant too.

I already have a child with him.

What the actual fuck has just happened to my life?

I feel trapped.

OP posts:
NickiFury · 05/11/2014 19:11

Not aggressively AT people for daring to express a different opinion to the masses surely? I've been deleted for FAR less than that.

I'm inclined to agree that OP should be encouraged to take this off board. Her ex will be reading every word and knowing every move that she's going to make. Hardly ideal is it? I know a lot of people are invested in this for various reasons but it's not about them is it?

QuintsBombWithAWiew · 05/11/2014 19:11

And you Vintage, you care enough to froth on OPs behalf and chastise posters, as if that is really supportive and not creating any drama.

I am off.

OP, I wish you well. I do hope you manage to get some real life support. Flowers

NickiFury · 05/11/2014 19:13

Vintagecherry I too am seeing a lot of people on this thread using it for drama and entertainment but I don't think Arsenic is one of them.

ArsenicSoup · 05/11/2014 19:14

Yes sorry it was sarcastic and too brief to make my point clear. I was irritated about the other deletion.

But really it is madness playing the whole drama out online like this. It was baffling that you all continued after his nibs made an appearance.

VintageCherry26 · 05/11/2014 19:19

I do agree Nicki after seeing her other posts. It was just that first one and I wasn't the only one to take it the wrong way, once again, I am sorry for being so rude!!

PetiteRaleuse · 05/11/2014 19:21

The situation is very simple. OP married twat. Discovered he was a twat. And now has to unpick her life and LTB. The marriage can, legaly, be dissolved.

For OP however she is going through all kinds of emotional shit.

So why don't we all back off?

PetiteRaleuse · 05/11/2014 19:27

This is someone's life. Someone who is a good, GOOD person. Remember that before falling out with random strangers online.

ArsenicSoup · 05/11/2014 19:28

One final thought. I really DO understand wanting to be out fast and not wait the year, but speak to a solicitor before you decide between divorce and annulment OP. A year isn't as long as all that.

QuicheMama · 05/11/2014 19:32

Big hug OP Thanks

DHandhisghastlyhauntedfoot · 05/11/2014 20:00

I'm so sorry you've wasted your time on such a prick. Try to look forward and not back from now on. What a piece shit he is. Thanks

MexicanSpringtime · 05/11/2014 20:01

Get legal advice, OP, asap. But, without being a lawyer, I do think an annulment would be in your best interests.

And I second the opinion that the shame is all his, you have nothing to be ashamed of, get his out of your house and out of your life.

So sorry that this had to happen to you.

MNHQ
IonaMumsnet · 05/11/2014 20:03

Evening all. Just a couple of clarifications: Yes, swearing is allowed on Mumsnet - occasionally it is compulsory. However, personal attacks are not allowed, so directing swearing at someone, we may well view as a PA. So: 'Fuck me, IonaMumsnet, that's a big gin you've got there' = fine. 'Fuck off with your big gin, IonaMumsnet' = not fine usually.

Arsenic to answer your point in your post earlier this evening ('Something called 'trollhinting' was specifically given the thumbs up by MNHQ towards the end of a thread last week'), no - sorry for the confusion but we definitely don't condone troll hunting, hinting or anything else. Please always just use the report button. If you're right, it just feeds the trolls, if you're wrong it upsets someone. We're here to deal with all that, so, you know, you enjoy yourselves. Relax. Have a look round the gardens. Get a gin and a sausage roll. Let us take the strain! Wink

Here's a link to RowanMumsnet's much more erudite response to this on the SiteStuff thread on Monday 27 Oct at 20:06.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/a2216573-OFFICIAL-MNHQ-THREAD-on-posts-about-suicide-troll-hunting-and-related-matters?msgid=50352100#50352100

Hope that clears things up a bit.

OP - sorry for the thread hijack. Hope things are a bit calmer for you this evening.

Momagain1 · 05/11/2014 20:05

Arsenic: his account has been blocked now. But yes, he read it. That is always a possibility though, on every thread. You can never know, for sure, who is lurking.

bacchanalwoman · 05/11/2014 20:05

I really hope you are Ok. Please do let us know.the only comfort I can give to you right now is to remind you that all things must pass even things which feel a wretched as this.

HonestLie · 05/11/2014 20:07

I've got to agree that given he's reading this it would be better keeping it off board which is a shame as you've had so much support here.

If he can stoop as low as he has I would expect him to use anything he can to get what he wants.

ArsenicSoup · 05/11/2014 20:10

Arsenic: his account has been blocked now. But yes, he read it. That is always a possibility though, on every thread. You can never know, for sure, who is lurking.

Having your a/c blocked doesn't stop you reading.

You can have a good guess who might be lurking when they have posted on the thread.

YellowWellies · 05/11/2014 20:23

Hon if the thought of him reading this thread is bad, surely its worse to live a lie with him.

manaboutthemaison · 05/11/2014 20:30

Iamthatguy.... if you are reading this thread, ... fuck off, then fuck off some more, then fuck off again. When you get there, just fuck off a bit more and die.

As far as you're concerned the only mistake you made was getting caught you selfish twat.

Hand in your man card and give yourself an uppercut

Stylecraft · 05/11/2014 20:40

Definitely get some legal advice before deciding how to proceed, especially as you already have a child together.

AcrossthePond55 · 05/11/2014 20:51

Wow, how hellish for OP!! I wish you only the best and a swift end to your situation!

As far as OP's (non)husband. Your bleating posts actually made me ill. If you really have OP's best interests (because you 'luffs' her soooo much, ya know!) then you will keep your mouth shut and vacate her home as soon as you possibly can taking as little as you can. You will pay maintenance and support. You will say not ONE FURTHER WORD regarding your disgusting actions. You will make yourself scarce in the meantime. You are worth nothing. The only thing you can possibly do to make this up to her would be to shut up and comply with anything she asks, quietly and swiftly. She deserves no less. You deserve nothing!

FavadiCacao · 05/11/2014 21:03

OP, if you're still reading...
I understand the difficulty with ''you know the man I wed yesterday...'' talk but your abrupt return from your honeymoon is be a big enough hint that things aren't peachy. I think your ds is going to been/has been more of a man than your STBXH could ever, if you are trying to cater for your his (ds's) feelings. Talk to him, you might be surprised at your ds's intuitions and He will learn from his mum standing up for herself when betrayed, disrespected and abused.

Iwasthatguy (or whatever your screen names is, couldn't be bothered to check), when you lie (even by omission) you chip at your own trust people have in you; when you repeatedly do so, it becomes deceit; deceit has a habit of turning into abuse...when you chose to make your mistake you lied to OP; when you continued to lie to the OP, whilst pursuing the OW you deceived OP; when you came to 'lay it bare' on this thread you encrouched on the abusive territory; when you excusing yourself as having made a mistake, you compounding on the abuse towards OP and starting to lie to yourself...

AlfAlf · 05/11/2014 21:40

So sorry to read this, OP.
I don't have much to add, but totally support your decision to tell the almost H to fuck right off out of it. Did you notice how his contrite apology on this thread was all about him? There were 20-odd "I"s in one paragraph; op was mentioned once or the twice. Telling.

theonlygothinthevillage · 05/11/2014 21:49

I'm so, so sorry to hear about this. Agree about getting the marriage annulled. What a horrible man.

Donnadoon · 05/11/2014 23:21

Huge hugs op
You are far better on your own now
He will break your trust again for sure
You deserve better
Xx

kelell17 · 06/11/2014 00:23

OP I have read all your thread from start to finish with tears in my eyes...I cannot begin to imagine what you must be going through and really hope you have found some comfort from the replies on here the past days...even since that poor excuse for a man decided to gatecrash your support network and rub further salt into the wounds by rambling on with his pathetic I made a mistake crap! I dont have much to add that others havent said I just hope that you manage to find some peace to gather your thoughts about some important decisions that need to be made and have friends/family that will rally round you to support you in RL too
my husband had an affair too at the time it felt like the end of the world but now I look at him and think I had a lucky escape...I know you cant imagine feeling like that now but one day you will be holding your head higher than that heartless coward should ever dare too
please dont feel ashamed either ( I did so I understand how embarrasing it feels) but it really is only u that thinks its embarrassing everyone else on here and in RL will just feel for you so much that u have been put in such a horrific position and want to help
hope you manage to get some space from him to decide whats best for you and DS ...dont let his feelings or wants become a factor at all you and your children are far more important x

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