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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

It's my wedding night. I'm all alone.

479 replies

IsThisReallyHappening · 04/11/2014 21:03

Today I got married.

This afternoon we arrived at our hotel to stay the night.

On arrival I checked my facebook to see some congratulation messages.

One message was not quite what I was expecting.

My 'husband' cheated on me 8 weeks ago.

I'm now sat here alone. On my wedding night. My 'husband' is gone.

I'm pregnant too.

I already have a child with him.

What the actual fuck has just happened to my life?

I feel trapped.

OP posts:
QuintsBombWithAWiew · 05/11/2014 17:19

What a mess.

IamThatguy What a pathetic shit of a man you are....
How on earth is putting your dick in another woman, a mistake? You made a choice. You chose to have an affair and hurt the mother of your children.

OP, do take screenshots of him admitting he will not stand in your way for annulment. You need to get this loser out of your life.

SunbathingCat · 05/11/2014 17:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuintsBombWithAWiew · 05/11/2014 17:21

"Shame on you whoever called troll, the OP is part of a group of us from a very long thread and has offered so much support, advice and humour and kindness to so many of us."

Not everybody knows that, and op posted outside this particular group of people who knows her. This incident was so gobsmackingly outrageous that it is not strange that some might have thought it was made up. We have had a troll infestation, especially on themes of affairs.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/11/2014 17:24

SunbathingCat - all the best trolls have mates on here and lots on FB, that proves nothing.

If someone who doesn't know the OPs situation read this thread through I think they can be forgiven for having suspicions, which they rightly voiced to MNHQ.

whitsernam · 05/11/2014 17:24

OP - I don't understand why you can't let your 12 year old know that things fell apart. It seems to me a clean break would be preferable to tiptoeing around each other until you decide about the baby. Might even help you decide about the baby, no? Just my opinion, of course, but I wouldn't want this "man" in my house, ever.

Lily311 · 05/11/2014 17:25

I'm back from parents evening, I'm glad the Tower listened to us and reinstated the op.
Op's husband, go the fuck away.

VintageCherry26 · 05/11/2014 17:27

Quintsbomb. If anyone has read the whole thread they would have seen many of the latest comments from people who know her offering support, showing she is genuine. And yes, what happened to her is 'gobsmackingly outrageous' but unfortunately it is real and happened to a real living breathing woman. Not some made up story, and those who questioned the authenticity and had her account blocked were merely rubbing salt in the wounds.

hoppingmad · 05/11/2014 17:27

Op, I saw this thread yesterday and really felt for you. Just saw it pop up again and read the latest.

I cannot believe your stbxh has barged onto your support thread. He hasn't done that for you, he is here saying his piece not thinking for one moment about your need and right to vent. Selfish and kind of stalkery.

I'm sorry you are going through this, not all men are like this. I hope you start afresh and find genuine happiness with one of the many decent men that are out there (when you are ready) Thanks

Original poster
IsThisReallyHappening · 05/11/2014 17:28

I just can't bring myself to tell him 'you know these I married yesterday? Yeah, we'll, we've split up'.

How do you say that?

I can't do it.

OP posts:
Theorientcalf · 05/11/2014 17:29

Not only did you make that choice IamThatGuy but you chose to do it again and again. So fuck off with 'it was a mistake'.

Original poster
IsThisReallyHappening · 05/11/2014 17:29

'The man' not these.

OP posts:
juneau · 05/11/2014 17:31

Wonder if 3.5 hours is a record for the shortest marriage?

Well, I think you've outdone Britney Spears! But its better you found out now, so you can annul this marriage and not have to go through a divorce and all that faff and expense that will entail. Its just a pity that you couldn't have found out a few hours BEFORE you got married, rather than after.

VintageCherry26 · 05/11/2014 17:34

ITRH, the sooner you do it,the easier it'll be. Plus you need all the support you can get from friends and family! & the sooner you do it, the sooner you can have the fresh start that you and DC's deserve.

IAmACircle · 05/11/2014 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jux · 05/11/2014 17:35

IsThis, you say "that bastard was shagging some woman right up until last week". You won't have to say another word for at least half an hour.

I hope he's sleeping in a tent at best. You could give him a few bits of cardboard and some newspaper, though. Get all his stuff into bin bags and stored in the shed/garage/tent. You only need him as a doorman for ds, don't you?

GarlicNovember · 05/11/2014 17:38

You didn't have a marriage, sweetheart. You had a wedding. The marriage doesn't exist - in principle or in religion, and the law also recognises this.

Tbh, your ex coming onto to your thread to do his 'mea culpa' bit really demonstrates an incredible regard for his own feelings and his image, not even slightly the kind of man who makes a great life partner.

As to 'how do you say that?'

You can forward the message to your close friends.
You can even put in on your status.
"ThatMan was unfaithful. I have proof. We're not married."
You can phone your closest friends.
"Nice wedding, shame the groom was a liar."
You can change your FB status.
"My marriage is being annulled."

All sorts of things ...

IAmACircle · 05/11/2014 17:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GarlicNovember · 05/11/2014 17:40

What Jux said. I'd go with that.

starlight1234 · 05/11/2014 17:42

You should have all the power. What you decide to do about the baby is yours to make but I think he should honestly give you some space. You oldest is far too old not too see through a couple who just got married yesterday and not see it.

I have seen a few threads on here where Kids were kept from the truth but knew it and wish they were told.

An awful time for you. This is advise. Do as you see fit x

InfinitySeven · 05/11/2014 17:42

Tell him now. He's 12, he'll understand. It's easier for kids, they are matter-of-fact.

He'd rather know now than in a few days, when he's been living a lie for a while.

Tell him that you didn't get married, and take him to see some fireworks or something while your STBEH fucks off. You'll feel so, so much better not having to look at him.

InfinitySeven · 05/11/2014 17:42

Tell him now. He's 12, he'll understand. It's easier for kids, they are matter-of-fact.

He'd rather know now than in a few days, when he's been living a lie for a while.

Tell him that you didn't get married, and take him to see some fireworks or something while your STBEH fucks off. You'll feel so, so much better not having to look at him.

Zamboni · 05/11/2014 17:46

Wish I could like your post Lily.

OP this isn't your fault and won't reflect on you. Everyone will immediately think he is a grade A wanker and how you are lovely and undeserving of such an utter tosspot.

FrazzledFandango · 05/11/2014 17:50

Yes tell him. It'll be hard for DS1, but you know what would have been harder? If he'd walked downstairs and seen that fucker shagging someone else in your home.

You do not have to have him there. I couldn't do it. Send the twat back to his mother's house.

And if you're reading this Imthat, then I'm the one that you seem to have removed off your facebook today. Funny that eh?

ArsenicSoup · 05/11/2014 18:06

Why has NickiFury been deleted? Angry

Something called 'trollhinting' was specifically given the thumbs up by MNHQ towards the end of a thread last week ;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/a2212017-So-I-saw-my-boyfriends-wife-this-evening

And her post actually fell rather short of that. It was quite gentle and good humoured.

ArsenicSoup · 05/11/2014 18:08

Some hotel staff gatecrashing the thread would be good.