I think my STBXH is drugging my DC...

[Aliensloveunderpants00]

Wasn't sure where to post about this, MN feel free to move!

I have 2 yo twins. They are both terrible sleepers; put them in their cots at around 7pm but they don't actually fall asleep until at least 9.30pm on a good day (lots of screaming and crying etc etc). Then they're up at 6am sharp, many morning as early as 4am. Their room is very quiet, they have comfy very good mattresses and it's not too hot or too cold.

They stay with their father every other weekend for two nights. DD1 (she's 11) always has joked about how at his they seem to sleep forever and have lie ins every morning they stay there. I just called her to chat and she said they're still sleeping and will only wake up at 9.30am as they always do; apparently they went to bed at 6pm and fell asleep straight away and that really has got me thinking.

Now, a bit of backstory. Things between us are hell; he's a very abusive and at times violent man. From the moment I separated he's made it really clear he wants nothing to do with the twins (and yes, all DC are his). He doesn't brush their teeth or hair EVER (mixed race so completely knotted after two days), shoes on the wrong foot, constant nappy rash when they get back as well as terrible coughs/runny noses every time etc... he had them for a week during school holidays and for six days straight he didn't change their clothes, even to sleep!! (eldest sent a 'look how cute twinnies are sleeping in their grobags' picture six days in and there they were on the photo wearing the little dresses I handed them in a week earlier ); DC1 confirmed they've been wearing them since day 1. A lot more things like this which makes me feel they are an inconvenient to him more than anything else (which he has made very clear on emails too).

I guess my question is, what can I do? Is there any way I can check whether he's drugging them to sleep so they don't bother him in the mornings/ evenings? I wouldn't put it past him and it's really worrying me.

Thank you

I think you have to be careful - doctors wont like to put young children thru blood tests unnecessarily. SS will also want to speak to him - be prepared for his version of the story. what might eh say? how will he explain things?

you haven't given good indication they being drugged except your dds word about how they sleeping.... ? what kind of drugs do you think might be used?

wearing same dress after six days? doesn't prove they were wearing them every day. he could turn round and say he washed the dresses and dried them overnight. and depending on how they play, same dress over six days wouldn't necessarily be the worst thing...

what do his emails say that concern you?

in gathering evidence you need things very clear...ask solicitor for advice.

I agree with cestlavielife and also would advise you to treat all children the same - even if he isn't. Don't reduce contact with DT without keeping the oldest at home. Once you go down the route of division you will lose her completely.

Perhaps the best thing you can do is call an ambulance and the police to their address one morning or evening and tell them that you suspect your dd has been drugged. They will probably do the tests there and then and it will at least enforce some kind of temporary legal break when you can get yourself organised.

The worst thing that can happen is that you come across as neurotic but that's not a problem if you are also finding out that DTs are safe. That way you will know the truth and if there is drugging going on then it will ensure ALL your children are safe. Perhaps run that past the solicitor.

Thank you. Good idea about ordering urine tests from Amazon but twins still wearing nappies, not sure how that would work.

I'm not sure calling the police/ambulance to his house would be a good idea, it could make me look unhinged which won't look good in a court case. Also it would mean me letting DT stay with him again which I really don't want to do.

Feeling very overwhelmed

Re his emails. ... It's all stuff about how he doesn't want anything to do with the twins, how he's going to teach me a lesson and stop seeing them altogether so I can see what being a sad single mother really is like. .. etc etc. Nothing sinister, just plenty of comms making it very clear they're just an inconvenience to him.

If you call at the Dr's and ask for a kit to get a urine sample the receptionist should give you a little kit that sticks over their bits with a collection bag attached. Would expect you could pick them up from the chemist too.

so does he say that then insist they come stay with him?

obviously you cant get any evidence unless they stay with him again!

my.supplychain.nhs.uk/catalogue/browse/2655/baby-urine-collection-bag

www.wms.co.uk/Diagnostics/Blood_and_Urine_Testing/Urine_Collection_Bags

you will probably need several as it's a pain and they leak .

I'm not sure calling the police/ambulance to his house would be a good idea, it could make me look unhinged which won't look good in a court case. Also it would mean me letting DT stay with him again which I really don't want to do.

Well you have to decide whether he is a danger. The fact that he has said he doesn't want anything to do with them means he probably will neglect them. If he does neglect them or drug them he could do that to DD as well. I would not withhold only the twins and not the DD as it will make it seem as though he is safe. He isn't. You can't have it both ways and neither can he. I suspect you don't want to prevent contact with the oldest because you are nervous of the consequences? Assume the worst and prepare for it. It's the only way you can get past this or it will just linger.

DD has a father that is prepared to neglect young defenseless babies. He potentially drugs them. She should not be seeing him partly for that reason and partly because she is seen as a golden child. The golden child suffers as much from guilt as the others do from neglect. The whole situation is psychologically damaging for her. It will haunt her for years to come.

So you are feeling overwhelmed, try and step back a bit. If you want evidence of drugging you will need to let him see the DT again. I think it is justified because you really need to know the truth and without that nobody can advise you and you can't make a decision. Is he a good father to all of them or a bad father to all of them?