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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Discovered porn habit 22 years together

166 replies

purplelavendar · 31/10/2014 12:58

Following my family thread yesterday it seems my life is destined to be an Eastenders plot line. Discovered my husband at 6am in the bath watching porn.

This is after years of ED and no interest in sex. Any interest I pushed for he'd want me on top, to always see me, to be shaven - you get the picture.

Many times I've asked him if he's gay or watches porn. It's the lying and disregard for my feelings over the years that has shellshocked me. I don't know him.

On another note I'm far from prudish but after looking online this morning, it's gross and totally exploitative of women. Nice.

Feel numb.

OP posts:
Eekaman · 03/11/2014 22:48

The ED started after Op decided that dh needed to up his game to improve their 'connection'. Interesting - there was obviously a disparity in their sex drive at this point some years ago and now additional pressure was being exerted on hubby.

Ok got that, so instead of op and dh talking about / asking his GP about / hubbs ED, he let it slide and after years of being asking if he was gay, started getting his jollies elsewhere. Now OP has busted him for his porn use.

Hmm. I don't think this is entirely OPs fault. There isn't a wonderful degree of communication going in here is there?

purplelavendar · 03/11/2014 23:03

I did try to communicate with him. But he kept letting things slip - was going to go to the doctor etc. I couldn't force him. It demoralised me when I kept trying to talk to him and suggest ways to resolve it so I gave up. I felt I was begging for sex.

OP posts:
Darkesteyes · 03/11/2014 23:14

after years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Exactly YEARS YEARS. And in those years the wife is suppossed to keep sctum and put up with it. So little value is put on womens emotional and sexual needs it is appalling.

Darkesteyes · 03/11/2014 23:16

Purple you tried and you tried your very best for MANY YEARS while putting up with little or no sex or affection like many women in this situation are expected to do!

GrumpleMe · 04/11/2014 07:04

"After years of being asked if he was gay, he started getting his jollies elsewhere..."

Think you've got those around the wrong way, eekaman. From the OP's posts and, well... basic logic.

gildedcage · 04/11/2014 09:23

Purple I feel for you. In the wake of the discovery you scratch around looking for a reason and for someone to tell you what to do.

What you're feeling is totally normal. The person who you have trusted for 20 odd years has lied to you, consistently, for a long time. There is no reasonable explanation. Undoubtedly he veiwed this as something separate to you and your relationship. However that doesn't make you feel any better.

I cannot really give you advice or tell you what to do. The only suggestion that I can make is that you stop looking to him for the answers as to why. Think about what you know and what you want. That's easier said than done but you can get there by talking about your feelings in RL.

Ultimately this will take quite some time and I'm sorry that you're going through this.

Perhaps he could go elsewhere for now to give you space to think, this should also show him how serious this situation is.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 04/11/2014 12:38

I think you are trapping yourself somewhat, Purple.

You have a teenage son. An amicable separation will not be destroying his life. Staying with this man might well destroy yours.

About five years ago, DH and I were wondering if we would ever have sex again (his physical issues) - and we talked, and touched and talked and touched. We were very very fortunate in the end and it didn't come to that: but the important thing was, we dealt with it together. If we hadn't dealt with it together, if he retreated, if he lied or obscured, basically, if he didn't take my sexual needs/wants seriously, (as I take his) he knows I would have gone.

Your DH chose to have a sex life with some porn stars instead of you. If it were me, I would never forgive him for it. Look at all those years he wasted. I'm sorry but I think he is abominable.

purplelavendar · 07/11/2014 19:53

Haven't posted for a few days....thank you JFR...the shock has lessened a little bit now. He's been gone since Wednesday - my choice. Don't know how things will pan out. I had a massive meltdown on Monday - not proud of that but refuse to beat myself up anymore. I am human!!!
The day before this discovery I had posted about my dysfunctional family......not knowing that this blow was coming my way! My best friend/my husband...
Still in shock but dealing with it.
Thank you everyone.

OP posts:
purplelavendar · 07/11/2014 19:58

And thank you gilded

OP posts:
purplelavendar · 07/11/2014 20:00

And dark.
Thank you everyone.

OP posts:
Tuliptastic · 07/11/2014 20:09

Purple, thank you for your support on my thread, this is the first time I've seen yours but wanted to send you Thanks

You're allowed to flip out, you're dealing with a lot at the moment and if you want to get angry, get angry.

Ultimately we are in the same position of needing to decide whether our marriages are worth fighting for and much of that might depend on how our DHs deal with it now. I think space is good for you to get your head together. I'll update my current position on my thread, as don't want to hijack yours x

Drumdrum60 · 07/11/2014 20:12

So glad you are having a break. Only then will you know how you really feel about going forward. Don't let what he's done stop you seeing your friends etc. it's his shame not yours.

Hope you have a peaceful and relaxing evening doing something to take your mind off it. What he did reflects only on himself. Nothing to do with you.

purplelavendar · 07/11/2014 20:22

Thank you drum for all your support - you are words on a screen, ha! - but you have helped me so much and I am truly grateful. Thank you.

Hope you're okay Tulip x

OP posts:
Darkesteyes · 07/11/2014 20:30

Im glad you are getting some space from him purple and some time to yourself. Have a relaxing weekend and eat cake Thanks Cake

gildedcage · 07/11/2014 21:00

Hi Purple glad to hear you're ok. Glad he is respecting your need for time.

I totally agree with Drum this is no reflection on you. Firmly put the focus back on you. Speak to your friends, shame only exists when you keep things hidden...as drum says this isn't yours to own.

I wish you well.

Troglodad · 10/11/2014 16:31

On the one hand, you have the issue that as a human being, even fairly average sexual drives and habits are seen as something despicable to be ashamed of and lied about, judged as horrific even by one's own partner, however much they think or say the wouldn't be judgmental, they would not look at you the same again. This is definitely not unique to men, or women.

On the other hand, you have this lying to cover up the shame of it, and it's bad for a person's soul, psyche and marriage to be doing things in an unwholesome and dishonest way.

One thing that occurs to me - a person who for whatever reason is not getting sex, well even if it's a condition they may still have sexual urges on some level, and if they cannot satisfy those urges without... doing something they cannot do... without the negative feelings, pressure, guilt, perhaps almost existential feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness coming to the fore, they are still going to have those urges, still going to feel a need to deal with them, perhaps somewhere safe, away from bad feeling and disappointment, and being asked if they are gay.

It seems like there is a middle ground somewhere, to be honest. It is surely easy to understand the concept of someone lying if what they feel is something sickening to be ashamed of, and it is for sure easy to understand how you feel, being outright lied to and confronted with something so tawdry, but you know... from what you've said, it doesn't sound like there is some great deficiency of love between you, or some huge wish to hurt anyone.

What do I know, I guess.

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