Discovered porn habit 22 years together

[purplelavendar]

Following my family thread yesterday it seems my life is destined to be an Eastenders plot line. Discovered my husband at 6am in the bath watching porn.

This is after years of ED and no interest in sex. Any interest I pushed for he'd want me on top, to always see me, to be shaven - you get the picture.

Many times I've asked him if he's gay or watches porn. It's the lying and disregard for my feelings over the years that has shellshocked me. I don't know him.

On another note I'm far from prudish but after looking online this morning, it's gross and totally exploitative of women. Nice.

Feel numb.

Lying and conducting a secretive sex life all by himself while making his wife feel rubbish- I'd say that constitutes a crap husband, yes.

Have you asked him why he didn't tell you?

I didn't tell my secret for a while because I was in denial and minimising it's affects on me and my attitudes towards sex.

And if a woman had major sex drive problems that would make her a crap wife, yes? And if she dared to masturbate too, without telling her husband, that would be leading a secretive sex life all by herself would it? Christ- masturbation is normal, regardless of relationship status! And many men, and women, use porn to masturbate.

Erm space he is overstimulating himself with porn and masturbation so he can't have sex with his wife and has been lying about it for years - I can't believe you don't understand why she is upset!

www.menshealth.com/sex-women/porn-erectile-dysfunction

I'm really sorry op :( I hope you are ok

You're not really trying to argue this point are you? Genuinely? You believe this shit? You believe that a guy who secretly has been getting off on porn for years and years while letting his wife believe he has zero sex drive is a good partner? Fucking hell.

Erm catz, is masturbating 2 or 3 times a week 'over stimulating' yourself then? Many men do it twice a day and still have sex. And keeping it private is not lying about it. You are not required to tell your partner every time you have a wank.

My god. As for your confusion of porn and masturbation- that's too funny to even respond to.

My god. Look, we get that you would be perfectly happy in a sexless marriage while your husband furtively knocks them out over some actresses, but you're in a freaky minority of one.

I'm not arguing anyone's point. I am simply stating that masturbating to porn does not make you a liar or a bad person. He is possibly just a normal bloke with some deep seated sexual issues. But don't let me stop you all from thinking he is a porn crazed deviant

Unbelievable.

And you can be as rude to me as you like- but I don't think OP really needs a chorus of screeching LTB's simply because he wanks to porn. There may be lots of other issues which make him a bad husband, but to many men, using porn is a normal part of life, whether you like it or not.

The question is, is the ED as a result of the porn or did the porn habit happen after the ED?

^Erm catz, is masturbating 2 or 3 times a week 'over stimulating' yourself then? Many men do it twice a day and still have sex.

Great! Good for them. That's fantastic. Bet their wives have no complaints. But, erm, what has that got to do with OP's situation where they don't 'still have sex'?

And keeping it private is not lying about it. You are not required to tell your partner every time you have a wank.

OP didn't ask him if he wanked. She asked if he used porn. He said no. How is that not a lie?

OP: Do you use porn?
DH: No

Many men have longstanding ED due to various and complicated reasons. Most of those men still need to masturbate.

Well most people aren't THAT keen to admit they use porn, unsurprisingly.

Why is that the case then space if it's so normal and healthy?

inspace are you being deliberately obtuse?

its not because he is wanking to porn, its because he is a liar and because he is substituting a sexual relationship with his wife for porn. lazy, selfish and pathetic behaviour. crap husband? you bet.

Oh do give it a rest Space for fuck's sake. So you think it's not a big deal - the OP clearly does - her life, her husband, her thread. She's been married to the bloke for 22 years - emotionally distant, no interest in sex, lying, disregarding her feelings etc. etc.

He can wank away to his heart's content in his new bachelor pad can't he, but expecting his wife to put up with a sexless, loveless marriage while he does it, is the issue here, not how often or how many people wank to porn and how 'normal' it is.

Most of those men still need to masturbate.

That's bollocks. No-one needs to masturbate. He won't be ill if he doesn't. His balls won't explode.

He might feel the urge though, which is different. And if he weren't in a relationship he would have little other choice. But he shouldn't be lying to his wife about it.

Yeah, yeah, people are saying Ltb simply because he wanks to porn. Yeah, absolutely right, that's whats happening here.

No, I'm not botanic. Are you?
Well, catz, sex and masturbation are normal and healthy but some of us like to be modest about them

So modest we don't share it with our exclusive sexual partner?

Oh, fair, so are you saying that nobody in a marriage should be masturbating then? Because most people still do you know.

You are seriously saying he has been lying to his wife out of modesty

I think you're confusing masturbation with porn Space and I think you are also trying to derail OP's thread.