Is my dh being unreasonable to ask me to stop drinking wine?

[40thisisit]

I won't pretend that I don't love white wine and yes on occasion may drink too much. But it's my only vice in life. I work hard during the week (am a chemistry teacher), run twice a week, eat healthily and also have 3 dd's to look after. I see my wine time at weekends and school holidays as a little time for me to relax. He thinks I'm shortening my life and has said he's going to give up wine and wants me to join him. AIBU to tell him to go whistle???

I might die from alcohol consumption. or a related illness bought on by the amount of alcohol I consume.

but apparently I'm more likely to die from having both my feet amputated or by contracting pneumonia or other circulation issues, related to the fact that I've been diabetic since almost birth.

thus this thread and others concern for ,op and binge drinking, is not top of MY list of priorities.

Not if she drinks bottles of less than 12% Lweji

She must, yes, if she's drinking 12% wine. Is she, though?

That's hopeful thinking.
She could easily be drinking wine with more than 12% too. :)
I'd go for an average of 8-9 units, because she didn't point out that she was careful to choose the lowest alcohol content. I think she'd mention it as it would be relevant.

The issue was raised by the OP.
She's getting different points of view about how much alcohol she is taking.
It's entirely up to her how much she drinks, but, as she asked, she is getting opinions.

Op who's looking after your three children while you and your dh are spending the weekend drinking?

That's uncalled for, Sweets. OP has stated that she has her first glass at 6.30pm. Depending on how old her children are, they are probably in bed long before she finishes the bottle. Older children really don't need looking after during the evening.

whose looking after yours, oh sanctimonious sweetsfor my, whilst you neglect your children, whilst you munsnet?

The honesty is emotional honesty - far preferable to holier than thou's who can't see their own faults.

Interesting parallels to obesity here. I think for me having an obese or very unfit partner, would impact on their ability to co-parent our dcs effectively (for eg: this morning we all cycled 20K, could be done with a hangover but less easily weighing 20st. Also you are only hungover for the morning but weigh that much all the time.

Now as it happens I rarely drink.as much as OP ( more like 3 units on Saturday ( glass of fizz b4 dinner glass of red with) and 1.5 on sunday) and agree I would feel groggy next day if I drank more but I do think being significantly overweight and/ or seriously unfit would have a bigger effect on family life and also my health.

It's a good point Sweets, I didnt realise they were both drinking. Of course older children need looking after or are they to fend for themselves if they fall ill or there is a fire?

I would never drink whilst in charge of a child, just like I wouldn't if driving. Reaction and thinking times are altered by drink and not for the better.

Point taken guys, but what if (god forbid) one of OP's children were taken ill in the night? There's no way she'd be fit to drive them anywhere to get help and an out of hours doctor/ambulance/whatever would definitely notice if someone was 9-12 units to the wind bu their demeanour and the smell.

I know this is unlikely, but I personally am of the be prepared for the worst case scenario school of thought and don't want to impair my ability to deal with something like that in the unlikely event it should arise.

" Add message | Report | Message poster 40thisisit Fri 31-Oct-14 20:16:21
Umm, a little confused..... thought you mums ladies wouldn't need this kinda stuff...Mumsnet Sober Workplace"

Does anyone know what this means?
Presumably the op has far fewer than 13 weeks 'holiday' in which to drink anyway.

Sweet do you sleep with your shoes on and car keys in hand? Just in case

Ofgs This nonsense about not being able to think clearly enough to get out of a house fire cos you've had 2 glasses of wine !!

A couple of points; firstly they did some tests on sleep deprivation and found that after a night shift reactions affected more than being above the legal driving limit. Plenty of parents are seriously sleep deprived and still have to drive and care for their dcs. Secondly I recently did an IQ test after 1/2 a bottle of wine, I scored exactly the same as others I have done. Yes a 14 year old who has drunk a bottle of vodka may not be able to get others out of a burning building. But a mature woman who has drunk 10 units over 5 hours ???

Touche, Stealth, touche.

I totally get that I'm a worrier and that the vast majority of people are more relaxed that I am. It's just, as PP said,when both parents have drunk enough to impair their reactions and thinking times (and to rule them out of driving), it makes me nervous.

Why would OP need to drive at 11pm ?

I disagree skolastika in that the heavy drinkers I've met haven't been the most emotionally honest people and the most emotionally honest people I've met haven't been heavy drinkers. Not that the two are mutually exclusive, but imo the most emotionally sorted people don't need to 'blot out' stuff by drinking vast amounts.

wrt to childcare in this case I thought the OPs dh wasn't drinking hence the OP

For me, it'd be enough to know that my partner was concerned enough to suggest changes, but then I'm with a decent man who's opinion I trust so if he thinks there's an issue I'd be questioning why, not looking for justifications.

Scholastica... So, NOT drinking somehow makes somebody 'holier than thou', does it? Not in my book it doesn't. What an odd statement.

Being a teetotaller doesn't mean you having no faults any more than being a drunk/bit drinky/liking a drink doesn't. I have plenty of faults, probably more than the average person.

The only defensive posts on this thread though are coming from drinkers and I can't understand why they feel they need to do that? I don't know how many units are in what drink, how many calories, etc. Save aggression for drink/drug drivers... they're the ones that deserve ALL of our vitriol.

I don't know how old your children are, Daisy, but personally when my children were born I was not prepared to stop drinking alcohol altogether for 20 years. That is effectively what you are suggesting is necessary to look after children properly.

But as sgb has already pointed out, plenty of parents parent effectively with neither a car nor a licence.
If your children are ill, either with a minor illness (eg when ds has ear pain I don't drink in case I need to take him to out of hours in the nigt, which I usually do) or something more serious which means that medical attention is likely to be necessary, not drinking I'm case your healthy children are I'll is no way to live (assuming you want to drink, which I realise many don't). By that logic you'd never go on holiday and avoid many other normal things.

For me, it'd be enough to know that my partner was concerned enough to suggest changes, but then I'm with a decent man who's opinion I trust so if he thinks there's an issue I'd be questioning why, not looking for justifications.

Wise words, Joysmum. Some of the posts on this long thread have seemed to suggest that the OP's husband has no right to mention his concern about her health. Of course he does. He has no right to insist that she stops drinking so he can continue. But if he is cutting down he is perfectly justified in suggesting that she could consider doing that too for health reasons. They have three children to think of.

Making comments on what people should drink and inferring that they might be drinking too much is definitely holier than thou in my book - I wasn't as clear as I should have been.

This is the 1st time in over 5years that I haven't agreed with the majority view. Rebel me.

A lot of people are giving their opinion as fact. For a start there has been no real scientific studies conducted to come up with the safe levels of units. It literally was just an inter departmental working group in 1995 looking at scientific studies and then deciding on 'guidelines'.

Secondly, daily amounts were thought up to stop binge drinking. This gives the impression that staying within the safe limits 7 days a week is better than going over the daily limit 2 times a week, but still being under the weekly total. Not so according to liver specialists.

I don't know about anyone else, but where I live, we have these things called taxis........

stealth it struck me as really odd too, I assumed it was a cut and paste from earlier in the thread but I was on my Ipad (mini) and have yet to work out how to do a cntrl & f on it!