Is my dh being unreasonable to ask me to stop drinking wine?

[40thisisit]

I won't pretend that I don't love white wine and yes on occasion may drink too much. But it's my only vice in life. I work hard during the week (am a chemistry teacher), run twice a week, eat healthily and also have 3 dd's to look after. I see my wine time at weekends and school holidays as a little time for me to relax. He thinks I'm shortening my life and has said he's going to give up wine and wants me to join him. AIBU to tell him to go whistle???

Pint of beer is 2 or 3 units depending on strength, so 3 pints for a man would generally be within advised limits in one evening.
Bottle of wine is 10 units so for a woman where 3-4 units is advised this could be 3 times what's considered safe for health.
One thing on an occasional basis, another on a weekly/consecutive night basis.
It's like taking health risks with smoking or obesity, except those things don't affect other people especially, whereas being drunk does affect your partner/close family as per the OP

I'd still like to know what the OP's DH has said to explain his stance?

Smoking definitely affects family in that it costs a fortune! There was a thread on here just last week from an OP whose partner spends £3,000/annum on cigarettes and as a result the family has to be very frugal, no holidays, only secondhand clothes, etc.

I would be furious! Fortunately, we are both teetotal and don't smoke.

Holdyourown, are you saying the limits for a man would allow him to have three pints (9 units) whereas the limits for a woman are 3-4 units?

6 units for a man, so assuming two units to pint imperial
So a woman could have two pints or two bottles (1.7 units in a bottle)
of beer that is, not wine

fair enough carlson I was more meaning smoking doesn't affect your ability to hold a conversation, for example

Still think it's 3 units/pint. It's a lot of beer (yuk).

drinking above 3 units in 24 hours is NOT binge drinking!

Drinking just above 3 units may not be binge drinking, but other values above 3 units in 24 hours may be binge drinking

In fact, drinking 8 or more in about 3 hours, as the OP and others on this thread are, can be considered binge drinking. Two days in a row.

Lweji, the OP said 6.30 - 11 pm, so 4.5 hours.

I've been onto a unit calculator website - 2.3 units of beer = 1 pint, 2.2 units of lager = 1 pint.

Did no-one else catch the thing on the radio about labelling the calories in booze the other day? A large glass is like two sugared doughnuts IIRC, so what the OP is doing is like scarfing a box of six krispy kremes twice a week.

www.nhs.uk/Livewell/alcohol/Pages/Bingedrinking.aspx

Whoops got my "safe" units muddled with my "binge units" (bad hangover today).

Should have read 2-3 (safe) and 6 (binge) for women and 3-4 and 8 for men.

The OP drinks 10 in 2 consecutive nights and the advice is to have a 48 hr alcohol break after a binge.

The "facts" are what have been scientifically proven and accepted (within a small range) by thousands of healthcare professionals in all countries around the world.

This may be an uncomfortable truth - and it is for me - but it is none the less the truth. I drink far more than this but I am not in denial that it is harmful.

I just don't think it is appropriate to give the OP the healthcare message that how she drinks is SAFE just because the it is COMMON.

The OP can and will (as I do) drink how she sees fit for her circumstances. When she has the facts she can do what she wants with them. However from her posts she is surprisingly ill-informed (for a chemistry teacher at least) to consider that healthy eating and running will compensate for the binge* drinking.

*fact!

where did we get the 10 units from?

did op confirm which wine she was drinking and how many units were in the bottle?
nope? didn't think so.
some bottles are a lot more than 10 units. quite a few bottles are 7 or 5 units.

A 750 ml bottle of 12% ABV wine contains 9 units; 16% ABV wine contains 12 units; a fortified wine such as port at 20% ABV contains 15 units.

So, the OP must be drinking at least 9 units per evening on the weekend.

True Oblomov, we rarely drink wine over 12% so 9 units,,max., per bottle.

Somethingtodo. Advice differs hugely from county to country. I was listening to an item on radio 4 about this and for example, I think it was a region of Spain where the only advice was not to have more than 9 units in one sitting, therefore the OP would be fine over there with no one batting an eyelid. I can't remember what else was said about the countries they were discussing, but that stuck in my mind.

She must, yes, if she's drinking 12% wine. Is she, though?

Not if she drinks bottles of less than 12% Lweji

website linked says : binge drinking refers to drinking a large amount if alcohol in a short space if time or drinking to get drunk.

I dont think op meets either of those criteria.

I live in a heavy drinking culture - most of this discussion is nit picking. And, as someone said above, sanctimonious.

Life is a river to be navigated, whatever way we can - how uptight must we be if we have to listen to government guidelines to decide how to live our lives and how to stay healthy.

I drink. I prefer guinness to coffee (as in I'd rather have a pint of guinness in a pub than coffee in a coffee shop) and trade uneaten packets of biscuits for guinness calories.

Life is also a lottery - you never know when your number is going to be up. Alcohol units or not.

PS I also find there to be more honesty in drinkers than non drinkers

I love drinking Me.
I love drinking everything : water, tea, diet coke, orange juice, wine, gin and tonic, cocktails.
Mostly I like making my own cocktails. mojito is my speciality.
Everything. I drink ALOT. All day and all night, if I can!! Apparently its not unusual for diabetics.
I go out and drink glass after glass. of anything. wine, water, lemonade, anything.

Puts myself in naughty corner.

I sure do enjoy life. I could be dead tomorrow. I don't want to live into my 90's. I want to enjoy life now.

I fancy now

OP - so he wants to keep drinking beer while you cut down on wine

Tell him to jog on and up the life insurance if he wants to do something useful!

I don't drink that much or that often, but I drink when I want to.

Anyone else preaching about how I should treat my body like a temple just in case they die would meet their maker sooner than they planned.

Not drinking wont make you live longer, it will just feel that way

Honesty levels aren't related to how much you drink
Although I have known some self delusion at least among alcoholics tbh (and some very premature deaths )
At least smokers are aware generally of the risks they're taking, rather than getting all defensive about it/blaming other people and so on.

skolastica Sat 01-Nov-14 15:00:37
PS I also find there to be more honesty in drinkers than non drinkers

What utter, denial bollocks! What's to be gained from lying, whether you're a drinker or non-drinker? Who cares?