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Original poster

Is my dh being unreasonable to ask me to stop drinking wine?

316 replies

40thisisit · 30/10/2014 19:06

I won't pretend that I don't love white wine and yes on occasion may drink too much. But it's my only vice in life. I work hard during the week (am a chemistry teacher), run twice a week, eat healthily and also have 3 dd's to look after. I see my wine time at weekends and school holidays as a little time for me to relax. He thinks I'm shortening my life and has said he's going to give up wine and wants me to join him. AIBU to tell him to go whistle???Wine

OP posts:
Original poster
40thisisit · 31/10/2014 18:27

Lol Boomtown, he sure drank lots in the past but now I think I prefer it more than him!!! He's not giving up beer, just wine, although not really sure what the difference is, apart from the obvious!!
Starting this thread has really opened my eyes as to how opinionated some people can be, I've never posted much before and certainly never had this response. Some of you have made me feel really bad and others are obviously like minded to me!!!
Surely eating healthily, not smoking, and exercising regularly must counteract some of the badness of wine!!!! Wink

OP posts:
Annarose2014 · 31/10/2014 18:31

Well sounds like you're pretty happy with your drinking, so there's your answer.

Original poster
40thisisit · 31/10/2014 18:34

Very true Annarose but was just curious............

OP posts:
Joysmum · 31/10/2014 18:36

As a fatty myself Matilda this doesn't write off a weekend to drinking, or the effects of drinking meaning I can't drive.

As a fatty, it's not affecting my relationship and if it was, I'd be concerned that I was affecting my DH. If being a fatty were more important to me than my DH's feelings then that would be a clear indication I had the problem, not him.

MrsCosmopilite · 31/10/2014 18:42

I do enjoy a glass of wine and I'm not going to tell you what to do OP, but I would think it is harder for your body to deal with a sudden 'flood' of alcohol over a two day period, rather than a small quantity more regularly. That is to say, I would think that a glass of wine per evening, rather than all at the weekend would be more healthy.

Not smoking and exercising regularly are great things to do, and may well counteract the effects of wine. From experience, I know that a friend of mine who changed her drinking 'regime' from two-three bottles per weekend to 1/2 - 1 glass per evening has lost weight. Even though she was already not smoking, cycling and running, and had started a diet.

carlsonrichards · 31/10/2014 18:49

So he wants you to go teetotal, but he is still drinking beer? Hmm

Enjoy your tipple. Life is too short to feel guilty because of Internet sprites.

If it's not affecting your life as you see fit, and he's only trying to persuade you because he wants you to live long if he dies (that's a whole other topic that the two of you need to explore and definitely gets wills, life insurance, guardianship sorted out as well as making sure there is enough money to pay for funeral expenses if you do not wish to buy a plan just now) and you enjoy it, you are adult and you decide.

Lweji · 31/10/2014 19:21

I think you need to have a properly honest conversation with him and have a think to yourself.

Are you really happy with your drinking? Why do you feel you need the alcohol to relax? That is a worrying sign.

What you say about him sounds like he is tiptoeing around you for you to stop drinking, which suggests that he is worried about you.
Or he is controlling.
We are outside, and you will have to be the only judge on this one, so the best you can do is to be 100% honest with yourself, with him, and as open as possible to his concerns.

Matildathecat · 31/10/2014 19:30

I'm pretty sure the OP doesn't mention 'writing off the weekend', joysmum. I'm not quite sure where your 'fatty' analogy fits with the OP's original question either. She's perfectly happy drinking the amount she does, it's her hypocritical DH who has the problem.

I'm now wondering if he wants the wine to stop so he doesn't get tempted whilst necking down his beer. Halloween Hmm

Enjoy your evening OP.Halloween Grin

SolidGoldBrass · 31/10/2014 19:35

So he wants you to give up alcohol while he continues to drink it.

I think the 'problem' might well be with him rather than with what you drink - and it's not entirely impossible that if you got rid of him, you would drink a bit less.

Yes, mental health (including addiction issues) is a very complex subject, but really an awful lot of the time the best cure for a woman with anxiety, depression, insomnia or a substance abuse problem is getting away from the man who is systematically destroying her.

Bowlersarm · 31/10/2014 19:40

So he wants to drink beer, whilst stopping you from drinking wine. Hmmm.

I'd tell him to go whistle.

carlsonrichards · 31/10/2014 19:41

November is WillAid month! Get him along to a solicitor if he's feeling the weight of his mortality. It was such a relief when DH and I sorted ours (we are in our late 40s), got life insurance, made our desires and wishes known. We plan to buy our funerals with DH's bonus.

AllMimsyWereTheBorogoves · 31/10/2014 20:14

That's a massive leap, SGB!

As for the fact that OP's husband wants to stop wine and still drink beer, nothing she's said suggests that he has asked her to go teetotal. She says he wants her to stop drinking wine, which as we know she drinks a lot of. She could switch to beer or spirits, and might possibly find it easier to cut back then.

Original poster
40thisisit · 31/10/2014 20:16

Umm, a little confused..... thought you mums ladies wouldn't need this kinda stuff...Mumsnet Sober Workplace

OP posts:
carlsonrichards · 31/10/2014 20:18

That's really controlling, he wants her to quit wine, which I am assuming is what she drinks exclusively, while he continues to drink beer because he's afraid of dying.

BigglesFliesUndone · 31/10/2014 20:26

I come from the opposite side on this Grin. I have given up drinking for a year now and have to admit, I really get fed up with dh drinking. He's not horrible but god he is soooo dull! I am on the Dry threads (which are fab by the way Wink ) as I really did have a big problem with drinking - equivalent of two or three bottles most nights Blush so the one of two at weekends would have seemed lightweight to me! I don't ever tell dh to stop or cut down though as it would be counter productive. sometimes I worry that he's drinking too much but to tell him that would just piss him off so there would be no point. We still have plenty of time when drinking doesn't enter the equation, but I'm just noticing much more about people and their drinking patterns now.

If he had ever told me to stop I would have been furious! I did it when I knew I had to.

honeycrest · 31/10/2014 20:35

Some people here seem a bit hysterical about alcohol tbh. I highly doubt the levels the OP drinks will cause cirrhosis of the liver Hmm it takes an awful lot of abuse for that to happen and daily drinking is the biggest risk factor.

Joysmum · 31/10/2014 21:04

matilda perhaps you ought to reread your posts as it was you the bought it up Hmm

The writing off the weekend thing comes from if they need to drive anywhere the next day. It takes yonks for a bottle of wine to clear the system enough to be able to drive so it's not just the night that is affected.

Again I think the best bet is not to discuss this with a bunch of strangers, but to discuss it with your DH. Why does he think you need to stop drinking, and why does he think he doesn't need to. Something has prompted him to suggest this?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 31/10/2014 21:17

OP... why do you feel bad? How can people who have a different opinion to you make you feel bad? It's like if somebody isn't 'like-minded' with you then they're against you somehow. They're not.

People have different points of reference. I'm teetotal now. I don't handle alcohol well so for me it doesn't work. I don't mind people drinking around me, I don't even notice them but as long as they're happy for me not to be drinking, I'm happy for them.

You love white wine; I think the whole range of wine from any year/any region tastes like vinegar to me. It's my palate that's out of whack there, not the wine but it's another reason I don't drink... the taste.

You didn't mention that your husband was going to carry on with beer until quite late into the thread... not that it makes much difference to anybody here but you can legitimately ask him about the body/temple stuff because beer is no respecter of physique and health anymore than wine is... wine's probably better, I think.

Ask him why he feels the way he does, he's your partner, the one you live with, it doesn't matter what anybody here thinks really, does it?

Thrholidaysarecoming · 31/10/2014 21:27

hi op I'm on my third glass (finished the bottle) I'm enjoying it. I'm not pissed but relaxed. Hope you are too!

SweetsForMySweet · 31/10/2014 21:39

It's his business if your drinking is causing problems and impacting on your family, your marriage and all your lives. Are you drinking alone?, are you blacking out or can't remember parts of the night before?, does your personality change?, presumably you are hungover the morning after and your dc and dh are affected by this either by you sleeping it off or being sickly and grumpy the following day? Very few alcoholics admit that they have a problem or they convince themselves that they're hiding it well but sadly the people around them are usually aware of their dependency on/abuse of alcohol. No one starts out planning to become an alcoholic and to have an addiction. A bottle a night (even if it is only on weekends) is binge drinking. At what point would you admit, that alcohol has become more important to you than your dh, dc and the life you have together?

Longtalljosie · 01/11/2014 07:50

Umm, a little confused..... thought you mums ladies wouldn't need this kinda stuff...Mumsnet Sober Workplace

That doesn't make any sense. Were you pissed when you wrote it?

forago · 01/11/2014 08:17

all I see on these threads is denial, denial. I am not perfect, of course, but like the previous poster am one of those people who all white wine tastes like vinegar to. I have seen many women get into various degrees of difficulties with white wine now though (friends, aquaintences, a family member) and I find it quite interesting how it has become such a thing. I think its the whole wine o'clock I deserve it thing in mc society which is encouraging people to drink more than they know is actually not problematic. Like all these things the tipping point is different for different people though and I think people have to realise for themselves when they are overdoing it. I would say though that while you think it doesn't affect you to drink a bottle of white wine in an evening, to someone that hasn't done that it generally makes for a very boring evening.

Oblomov · 01/11/2014 08:36

some if the sanctimonious views on this thread are frightening.
someone said it was drinking 5 double vodkas.
someone talked about op slurring, laying in bed the next day with a hangover!

until op corrected some of that nonsense!!

Not all wine is 12%. I have a lovely smaller than average bottle of rose that I like that is 5 units.

Oblomov · 01/11/2014 08:40

where's the lady who said she drank 2 very expensive bottles of red , over 3 nights?
is she in bed hungover?
oh no! Hmm that's right, isn't it? she's at her Pilate's class. right now.

Notbythehaironmychinnychinchin · 01/11/2014 08:57

I don't think it's excessive levels at all. I don't smoke, drink through the week or eat rich food. I wouldn't think twice about having a bottle of wine over a four hour period on a Friday night. I personally would choose between Friday and Saturday but that's a calorie thing - I wouldn't consider it excessive if someone else did though. Every night would be different, but isn't that what weekends are for - to relax and indulge?