Do sexual partners have the right to expect certain things in bed?

[applemac]

I have recently come out of a long relationship. I agreed with someone I know to have a kind of friends with benefits relationship because I'm very busy. I thought it would be ok, but now I'm thinking I should finish it because he makes me feel like there is something wrong with me if I won't do exactly what he wants.

He is very big and I don't like sitting on top of him during sex because it hurts and I get a sensation like I'm going to wee. He makes me feel like I'm totally unreasonable not to want to do this position because he wants my boobs in his face. He also keeps nagging me for naked pictures of me and he complains if I can't get his penis right down my throat. My blowjob technique must be ok because he always comes. He also likes to be licked anally which I'm happy to do.

In a FWB scenario, is it unreasonable to not want to do certain things? My feeling is that you should treat the person with the same respect as if it was a relationship. He was here last night and he ended up getting annoyed with me because of the position thing. He said 'well I don't care if you wee, just do it' he doesn't understand that I don't want to feel uncomfortable! And I end up feeling like I'm weird and it upsets me.

If he's only a fwb, and it's just for the sex, maybe try and find somone else? With a smaller penis? Although sods law means the next man is bound to be the other extreme and have a button on a fur coat type member...

And agreed rimming is not a perversion as long as the person being licked is clean in that area.

It is rather concerning that you even had to ask. Please do The Freedom Programme before even dating again. This man is an abusive porn addict.

What is The Freedom Programme?

It is ok that OP asked. That's what MN is here for.

Her first post was clear she thought this was unreasonable and was just double checking.

He sounds like a vile and demanding man with no respect for you.

If he objects to you breaking up with him, just put him straight
"I am sorry, I got into this because I thought we could enjoy each-other sexually, but frankly I dont really like having sex with you. You are forceful and disrespectful, and that is very unattractive in a man. It is off-putting" He (and any future girlfriend) would benefit from this advice.

If he says he can change just say "No, I dont want to". If he persists, tell him you will report him for harassment.

It's run by Women's Aid and helps people become alert to people like this vile man before they even get the chance to have sex with you.

This man is a disrespectful scumbag.

what the fuck happened to you that you had to look for reassurance for strangers about this shit ?

and still you say you doubt yourself ?

Are you ending this abusive relationship?

Did you mean to sound so aggressive there, Happy?

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Please don't take it out on the OP, it's the man who is no good!

Get a dildo - and dump him. It all sounds utterly demeaning . Set a good example to your dd and wait for a man who respects you. This one doesn't .

freedom programme

Nice nn AF! Some people briefly failed to recognise you I think.

If I look aggressive it is because I feel angry for you, OP

men like this should not be afforded access to women's bodies. They need to get dumped from a great height the very first time that they cross our boundaries. Trying to maintain any sort of relationship with a sexual abuser will damage you, and accepting any measure of blame is a huge mistake which is why I was not the first to ask if there might be a reason for that

my advice is that you end it, OP. You owe him nothing, least of all coerced sex, and I suggest you tell him exactly why

Thanks AF.

Also thanks to everyone else. It has made me think about my behaviour and why I allow myself to be made to feel that my feelings come last.

It's not your "behaviour" that is the problem, but if you regularly accept such awful treatment from others it would be a good idea for you to seek out why with the help of an individual counsellor.

The sexual aggression shown by this man is not normal in the context you have described.

Good luck (and please dump him)

Another vote for run like the hills. With him saying he doesn't mind if you wee he is spectacularly missing the point. It's a very uncomfortable feeling and he doesn't seem like he gives a shit.

He also has very unrealistic expectations. There's nothing wrong with deep throating if that's what you want to do BUT there are very few people about who can just shove a dick down their throat without gagging or even vomiting. Has this man never heard of a gag reflex? Idiot. For someone to be able to do that it takes a lot of practice. It's even more pathetic that he complains about it. I bet if you moaned at him and sulked if he didn't lick you in exactly the right way he'd be most affronted and he'd drop you like a hot potato. You're getting nothing out of this other than feeling like crap. FWBs are easily replaceable, if you're not happy at all then get out.

The reason I accept this stuff is because my parents raised me to feel that my feelings are less important than other people's.

I remember being 14 and my parents forcing me to dance with a sleazy Greek waiter on holiday even though I didn't want to and I said no.

OP you can do something different this time.

I hope so.

Have you decided what you're going to do?

I'm not going to see him again.