Do sexual partners have the right to expect certain things in bed?

[applemac]

I have recently come out of a long relationship. I agreed with someone I know to have a kind of friends with benefits relationship because I'm very busy. I thought it would be ok, but now I'm thinking I should finish it because he makes me feel like there is something wrong with me if I won't do exactly what he wants.

He is very big and I don't like sitting on top of him during sex because it hurts and I get a sensation like I'm going to wee. He makes me feel like I'm totally unreasonable not to want to do this position because he wants my boobs in his face. He also keeps nagging me for naked pictures of me and he complains if I can't get his penis right down my throat. My blowjob technique must be ok because he always comes. He also likes to be licked anally which I'm happy to do.

In a FWB scenario, is it unreasonable to not want to do certain things? My feeling is that you should treat the person with the same respect as if it was a relationship. He was here last night and he ended up getting annoyed with me because of the position thing. He said 'well I don't care if you wee, just do it' he doesn't understand that I don't want to feel uncomfortable! And I end up feeling like I'm weird and it upsets me.

He doesn't sound like much of a friend. I'd have nothing more to do with him.

He doesn't sound like a friend and there doesn't seem to be much benefit.

Get rid!

Gah! Apple Mac, listen to what are you saying about him.

Bye bye to him!

He is younger than me. He apparently has never had a girlfriend.

I just needed to hear that I'm not unreasonable. You live and learn.

Yes you should expect certain things in bed. They are respect and enjoyment. It doesn't sound as though you are getting either from this man. End it, you deserve better.

Friend with benefits.

This guy seems to not fulfil the friend or the benefit part of that description does he?

Dump him.

"'Why are you trying to make me do things I don't want to'"

Good for you for saying this!

It's not true to say that I don't like what he does to me but the demanding and lack of respect for my wishes cancels that out.

Yes, indeed.

At least since he's a FWB you won't have a bunch of his stuff to pack up

There's a reason he's never had a girlfriend Op.

A fwb arrangement should suit you not involve you having to act out everything he's seen on porn.

He's not a FWB he's a total cock.

Friends don't make you do stuff that you don't want to. They don't pressure you and make you feel sad. They don't nag you to provide things that you aren't comfortable with.

And as for benefits?? Really??

You aren't getting anything out of this other than a sore cervix and damage to your self confidence.

Bin him. Seriously. He's a twat.

I worry about my dd and what the future holds for her in a few years when she gets to boyfriend age :(

Don't ever do anything sexually you don't want to do.

And don't lick him anally, it's unhygienic.

I'm sorry but this sounds a lot like sexual abuse. Goes way beyond ideas of respect. When you're being pressured to do things you have said no to, and if there are attempts to intimidate you (getting angry?), it's sexual coercion and possibly rape. Someone like that isn't going to care that you're uncomfortable or unhappy. That's the definition of abuse.

You think you're a FWB and he seems to think you're a very cheap sex worker. Please get yourself out of this situation a.s.a.p. It's a disturbing arrangement and very possibly criminal

I have thrown men out of my home mid-fuck for less than what you're describing, OP. Of course this is utterly out of order.

It's normal to ask for things that the other person isn't into. Nothing wrong with asking. And then it's perfectly alright to decline to fuck them again because they're not into what you like. But nobody gets to demand anything - other than respect.

You are not weird at all. It's utterly normal to find some positions uncomfortable. I just say "Oof! You're too big for that. Let's try doggy/whatever, instead." And normal people - by which I mean the vast, vast majority of them - say, "OK!" And deep throat? Well, you can either do it or you can't. Unfortunately, gagging is now a "thing" in porn and so some deluded twits actually think that that is how deep throat should work. However, in real life, the majority of people can't have something down their throats without gagging and the majority of people also don't find gagging enjoyable. I have had many men push on my head or say "take it all the way in!" But not one of them has done anything other than accepted when I say "that's as far as it goes." For all I know, some of them have declined to have sex with me again because they really want deep throat, which I guess is fair play to them. But the point is they all accepted my boundaries.

I am a massive slut. I have had thousands of sexual partners (that is not an exaggeration.) I am probably the wrong person to advise someone on loving, committed relationships. But for a FWB situation, I assure you that you are not in the wrong and you should never have sex with this idiot again.

Bloody hell, what!!? This sounds borderline abusive and you're not even in a relationship with him!!

If you want to be treated with no respect whatsoever and administer to a mans every sexual need I think you'll find there's a well paid profession for that.

He's one of those men too that pushes your head down and I've never had that with anyone else I have to say.

What Cogito wrote earlier.

Re your DD it is down to you to teach her good lessons about relationships because after all she is learning from you about these. I also think you now need to completely re-evaluate what you have learnt about relationships to date and start unlearning all the damaging stuff you've learnt along the way.

Love your own self for a change

Wants you to wee during sex and enjoys anal licking. There's a name for people like this: pervert.

Bit gobsmacked that you have to ask OP. It's revolting behaviour.

If he wants to treat a woman like that he's going to have to pay, but even prostitutes have boundaries around what they will and won't do.

He's not your friend, there's no benefit to this. Simply coercion and pain.

Dump like a heavy stone.

I agree with EVERYONE else! There is a clear message here. This man has no respect for you. And as you said yourself, if your dd ever came to you and said she was being treated like this would you tell her to stay? Or run for the hills!
End of 'relationship' time I think but tell him quite clearly why. RESPECT!!!

I think re the DD that what you should teach her first and foremost is self-respect. We all have to assert ourselves and set the bar high for acceptable behaviour rather than tolerating ill treatment of any description. Your bar is currently set way too low.... sorry