Do sexual partners have the right to expect certain things in bed?

[applemac]

I have recently come out of a long relationship. I agreed with someone I know to have a kind of friends with benefits relationship because I'm very busy. I thought it would be ok, but now I'm thinking I should finish it because he makes me feel like there is something wrong with me if I won't do exactly what he wants.

He is very big and I don't like sitting on top of him during sex because it hurts and I get a sensation like I'm going to wee. He makes me feel like I'm totally unreasonable not to want to do this position because he wants my boobs in his face. He also keeps nagging me for naked pictures of me and he complains if I can't get his penis right down my throat. My blowjob technique must be ok because he always comes. He also likes to be licked anally which I'm happy to do.

In a FWB scenario, is it unreasonable to not want to do certain things? My feeling is that you should treat the person with the same respect as if it was a relationship. He was here last night and he ended up getting annoyed with me because of the position thing. He said 'well I don't care if you wee, just do it' he doesn't understand that I don't want to feel uncomfortable! And I end up feeling like I'm weird and it upsets me.

Thanks for reassuring me. I try to make an effort for people so it's fun for them. I need to find someone nicer I guess. The last thing you need is somebody sulking afterwards and making you feel bad.

Only do things that you are happy to do, even if other people tell you they're perverted and unhygienic, they're your choice whether you do them. However, the things you know you're not comfortable with are definitely to be avoided. He sounds quite unpleasant. Just because you're not in a relationship doesn't mean he gets to treat you like crap.

Well you two are not dating, so you shouldn't have to "break up" with him.

In a FWB situation you can just cool it down by texting "Not around this week, see ya soon".

And then of course...you don't bother seeing him soon.

Eww nasty little man.

Wants you to wee during sex and enjoys anal licking. There's a name for people like this: pervert

Hang on, simontowers2

Liking things like this doesn't make anyone a pervert...lots of people have sexual kinks that we ourselves don't like & wouldn't do, so I think we need to respect that!

Saying that, no one should do ANYTHING they don't like in the bedroom, and has the right to not be subject to abuse of any kind for refusing to do it.

I agree with differentnameforthis It's the sexual coercion that is the problem.

Wants you to wee during sex and enjoys anal licking. There's a name for people like this: pervert

LOL. It's really sad if you think this is perverted. IME the people who are best in bed are the most open minded ones.

Perverted = relatives/minors/animals/corpses/permanent physical harm & similar extremes. Anything else is just a question of personal preference.

Besides, in the first place, he didn't say he wanted her to wee during sex just that he didn't mind if she did.

In the second place, provided you have just had a bath/shower and have a clean body, there is nothing wrong with anal licking. It's pretty mainstream. The outside/entrance to anus has a lot of nerve endings and is very sensitive and most people would get physical pleasure from gentle touching such as licking.

+1 to differentnameforthis and dadwood. The coercion/pressure is the issue here.

I've read the opening post.
Drop him, from great height, very swiftly.

Don't do anything you don't want to do in bed, with anyone.
I hope you are using a dam when 'anal licking'. If not, do so in future.

Do not give him naked pictures. They will end up online.

Do not take his penis (which I hope is appropriately sheathed) any further into your mouth than you are comfortable with. And if you aren't comfortable at all, don't do it.

What he is doing is abusive (the coercion not necessarily the acts) and you need to get out of this arrangement right away.

What's a dam? I always thought it was ok if you'd washed before.

I will not be seeing him again. It's supposed to be fun and I shouldn't feel upset afterwards.

There is no way I will ever give anyone naked pictures.

dental dam, thin piece of latex, often flavoured (see lovehoney) and no its not.

or rather, it might not be...I'm sure there will be numerous anal lickers along shortly to tell you how wonderfully safe it is... depends on what you do I suppose...

Yes, sexual partners do have a right to expect certain things.

Respect.
Pleasure.

He is giving you neither.
Dump.

the only thing you should expect from any sex partner is respect.
Unless you like being degraded

I need brain bleach.

Please run away from this man.

You are not being unreasonable. Don't allow yourself to be coerced into doing things that you don't want to do.

He also keeps nagging me for naked pictures of me

Please don't let him do that, pictures of you could very easily be all over the internet and you won't be able to stop it.

he complains if I can't get his penis right down my throat
Nice. What Cogito said. Stop seeing him and you will feel better.

Okay, I don't want to do armchair psychoanalysis here, 'cos I'm n'owt but a random on the internet. Obviously, run for the hills and don't look back - this man is an abusive arsehole (you don't need an armchair psychologist for that much to be evident).

But from your perspective, think about why you even have to ask the question in the first place. What has happened to your boundaries? Now it could be (I've been there, got the t-shirt) that this guy's behaviour is just so far outside the bounds of normal behaviour that it's just got you completely blindsided (in a kind of WTAF? sort of way). But it could also be that you have in the past been in abusive relationships and this has screwed your sense of what's normal and what isn't. Only you know which one of these is the case - but if you suspect it might be the latter, have a think on how to get these boundaries back in place before you start dating (whether seriously or just in a FWB sort of way).

Good

I don't understand this recent thing of people asking for naked pictures as if they're entitled to them. He isn't the only one in this respect. Even people in relationships have ended up with pictures of them on the internet without their permission.

Thanks Lurcio.

I suggest a new FWB named Bob, battery operated boyfriend!

Very skilled and a lot less hassle.

Friends with benefits.

To me this has always meant friends, who hook up as and when but with no ties. A fun sort of set up. With a friend.

He does not sound like a friend at all, you are just his v life like blow-up doll.

You are worth so much more than he is making you feel, tell him you don't require his 'benefits' any more and move on.

applemac you need to learn to respect yourself. You deserve better. Every woman deserves better than what you have described.

Read your First post again and imagine that it has been written by your DD in a decade or twos time. If you feel uncomfortable about her being treated in this way then you shouldn't let yourself be treated in this way.

I think maybe I need to go back to counselling.

Even when I read back what I wrote, and doubt myself and think is my perception off etc. even though I know it can't be.

I'm sure the rimming was a good conversation starter if nothing else.