Do sexual partners have the right to expect certain things in bed?

[applemac]

I have recently come out of a long relationship. I agreed with someone I know to have a kind of friends with benefits relationship because I'm very busy. I thought it would be ok, but now I'm thinking I should finish it because he makes me feel like there is something wrong with me if I won't do exactly what he wants.

He is very big and I don't like sitting on top of him during sex because it hurts and I get a sensation like I'm going to wee. He makes me feel like I'm totally unreasonable not to want to do this position because he wants my boobs in his face. He also keeps nagging me for naked pictures of me and he complains if I can't get his penis right down my throat. My blowjob technique must be ok because he always comes. He also likes to be licked anally which I'm happy to do.

In a FWB scenario, is it unreasonable to not want to do certain things? My feeling is that you should treat the person with the same respect as if it was a relationship. He was here last night and he ended up getting annoyed with me because of the position thing. He said 'well I don't care if you wee, just do it' he doesn't understand that I don't want to feel uncomfortable! And I end up feeling like I'm weird and it upsets me.

Just to add please DO NOT have sex with him again. Your self confidence cannot be so low that you carry on being treated like a series of orifices for him to penetrate at will. If you can't do it for yourself then please do it for the women that will come after you. Consider dumping his misogynistic arse as a public service to humanity.

I am so glad you are dumping him.

I wonder where he got his ideas of sex from....

Sorry to put people off their breakfast. I did insist that he washed properly before I did it.

Yonic, the internet no doubt

Yes it's obvious he's a porn addict.

And where did you meet him?

There is no benefit in this for you, he is disrespectful and offensive so no friendship there either.

FWB should a fun, exciting and distracting sexual non relationship to help you escape the worries of RL - not create more!!!

Rediscover your self respect and ditch the moron. He is only going to destroy your self esteem to such an extent that if you did have more time and wanted a more permanent relationship with someone you would be all over the place. Good luck.

We have mutual friends.

Eeek! There is NOTHING wrong with you, and really rather a lot wrong with him.

You say he's a FWB, but 1) he's not a friend. Friends don't make you feel inadequate, unhappy and force you to do things you don't want. Especially sexually. Friends are people you enjoy spending time with. 2) he's not really 'with' you - it sounds like he just views you as a thing to service his needs regardless of what you feel about it. 3) benefits.. How are you benefiting from this? Is it a pleasure to have sex with him? From your post I'd say God no!

End it now, and make it clear to him it is because his attitude in the bedroom. I'd bluntly tell him to watch less porn and get some counselling if he does ever hope to get a girlfriend.

If you are worried about your dd wrt future relationships, the best thing you can do is dump this prick pronto. That way you will be able to look her square in the eye when she is older and say "I was once seeing a fella. Nothing serious but he turned out to be a nasty piece of work who expected things that I wasn't comfortable with. So I dumped him because no one has that right".

Being a mum to a girl, you need to be able to teach her what acceptable boundaries are. Start by dumping this nasty piece.

In any sexual relationship it needs to be satisfying. Tell him he's selfish in that department and therefore this arrangement isn't satisfying you.

Gah! Id rather never have sex again than lick someones arsehole.

Seriously stop sleeping with him. Sex with benefits only works if it benefits both of you.

...oh and call it a day!

You have to get shot. You also need to tell him, very straight, that his attitude to sex is offensive, coercive and he's very lucky you haven't reported him to the police. I'd also be dropping hints to your mutual friends that he's nasty and fucked up. You don't want him being recommended to other women.

I think if you dumped him, he might moderate his behaviour for the next FWB he has. Its good feedback for him.

He is using you and it'll erode your self respect if you don't dump him. You can get a better FWB!

I agree that the man sounds like an abusive tool who wouldn't know what consent was if it hit him in the face.

However, I object to being chacterised as a "pervert" for enjoying rimming and watersports.

Is it too early to start quoting Germaine Greer?

"No sex is better than bad sex".

And sex where you feel uncomfortable with what he's asking is bad sex OP.

Dump! Dump!

He doesn't sound like much of a friend at all, he is just interested in the benefits. He isn't even tarting you asa valid person, it's like you are there just to meet his needs.

He is an arse and you deserve so much better than that, everyone deserves better than that.

He clearly isn't bringing you any happiness at all and your already shaky confidence is taking a battering.

Good luck

No idea how he would react.

Applmac I worry for my DDs too when I read threads like this

Get out of this one - No Friend in this FWB scenario, he's treating you like a free hooker. It's supposed to be mutually enjoyable and fun.

Tell him you've met someone else who satisfies you.

I worry for my DDs too when I read threads like this

I worry for humankind.