Take him back? After 3years?

[Undecided1999]

Long story short

Was with my partner for 15 years since 21, he left me for OW 3 years ago, just upped and left, no dcs.

I struggled to cope, he moved on with his OW, tried to get money he thought he was ' entitled' to ,they split up after 3months he tried to get back in with me, I said no. We then started to meet up now and again, he said he wanted to maybe give it another go, we weren't sleeping together and where just thinking things through really.

He meets another girl during this time and decides to go with her moves in with her and her children, about six months later he makes contact with me me and says he isn't happy again can he come home? I wasn't strong enough at this point so kept him at arms length, text now and again.

Situation is now this he has left the girl he was living with and is staying at his mums, he says he cares about the other girl, but chooses me over her, he says he loves me and never stopped loving me the time we where apart.

I want to try again but feel I can't trust him, we met for dinner last night these are some of the things he said

1. He will miss how she looks
2. He will miss the closeness they have (sex I presume)
3. She is too stressful for him
4. She is putting pressure on for marriage
5. She wants him to buy a house with her
6. The children are not his
7. If I didn't exist he might try to make it work with her
8. He chooses me over her
9. He loves me and thinks of me everyday

10. He wants to try again and move back in with me 11. He wants marriage and children with me 12. When he hugged me goodnight he said' you'll have too lose some of this' and patted my stomach - he makes me feel inferior looks wise, I am overweight but I'm not unattractive

Should I give it a go with him? I feel like it's now or never for me I've been alone since he left by choice and would like to be in a realtionship again, if I don't do this now I will have to move on for good.

I do want to loose weight, I'm a size 20 but was a 16 when we met, he loved the way I looked then

If you must have him back for a few months, while you detach from him but don't marry him and give him the right to your house

I suspect he will insist on marriage before children, then leave before you have any but so he can still claim your house or half of it!

Tell me, how soon does he want to marry?

OK if you want to lose weight then try Weight Watchers (worked for 2 friends of mine) and either gym or do something you like, salsa dancing, dog walking etc...

In fact a dog would be great for you as a pet. is that an option? would give you something to think about apart from ex idiot i didn't say that did I?!

We have discussed it but not a date, he asked me to marry him frequently when we where together before but I didn't want to

No don't take him back.

You will though, sadly.

Superfly I had a dog which I loved, but I had to rehome him because I travel a lot with my job

Hi OP. I have a similar thread running right now about taking a man back after 3 years.

My ex is back on bended knee, having undergone couselling, changed his whole life to give us a shot, is contrite and devestated at the hurt he's caused me. He says he will do anything to have a second chance with me

I adored him. He made me so happy

But I think I am going to say no because, even with all that, I don't think I can ever trust him again

Your ex is doing NONE of those things. In fact, the exact opposite - yet you are still considering having him back

no no NO!! Do not go back. He is a vile man

Egg I'm not sure, I'm the closest now that want I have ever been but I'm wavering

Bumpy, my ex has been contrite in the past shed tears even but it comes and goes! It is hard when you have adored someone and been happy for so long

Please don't marry him OP I think that would break my heart!

He's after a share of the house if it all goes wrong! I'm not psychic but boy do I feel that way regarding your man

Just read this thread and whilst I feel for you, Undecided you would be insane to let this man back into your life.

He will do nothing but take and quite probably be gone before too long when he decides he wants something else/finds another woman daft enough to take him on.

You need to let go, set some short term goals for yourself like losing weight - the confidence boost you will get from that may spur you on to change other things about your life that you want to.

I really hope you can get past this and ultimately find a man that you deserve and who will love you for being you.

I've flushed better things down the toilet than this bloke. Seriously, OP, get a grip.

I would give it at most 6 months before he is back to his cheating ways.
Can you honestly say you can trust him not to do the same again-just up and leave? You do know don't you that he is only moving back in with you as an easy option (sorry that sounds cruel).
He has fallen out with GF doesn't want to stay with DM so he gets an idea " oh Undecided 99 is still available-good job own home lam onto a good thing until the next GF comes along" Then he will leave again without a backward glance and you will be back to square one again but a bit older again.
If you are so desperate for a family DC's etc you would be better going it alone with donor insemination and getting a nanny or au pair to help.
This man is not for you please don't be so bloody stupid

I know it's hard when you're in the middle of it OP. Trsut me, Iknow. But take it from a woman who knows, this man will not make you happy again

You were happy with him and adored him but that relationship is long dead and can't be revived after everything he's done.

You are clearly an intelligent, capable person with a lot of love to give - please don't give up and waste any more of your life on this user.

You're doing the pick-me dance, op.

He will miss sex with the ow? How will you feel when you DTD? Will you jump through flaming hoops? Swing from chandeliers to keep g him from thinking about her sexiness?

Urgh.

So you get back with him.

I bet he wants marriage and kids. Last time he had to walk away with nothing. I bet that really sticks in his craw.

You marry him. It will not be so easy to keep him away from your assets after you have tied the knot. You will need that sewn up water tight before you even considered it.

You have kids. You know you, the one with a tum already. You will get larger during pregnancy.

How will this man who prefers shagging slim women cope. Let me guess...

What the fuck will happen to your self esteem as you get bigger? Especially with a wanker you are not with who already points out your flaws.

You have the baby. The weight doesn't disappear over night. Or you have a couple more children.

I would lay money on him messing around if you take him back.

He is not the sweet man you thought he was.

What if you don't meet anyone else? You adapt your life to suit. You can spend christmas away with a group.

You could if you want consider children alone.

You would be an idiot to take this man back.

Don't be silly op. He's just got you on the back burner when no one else us interested. He sounds utterly vile, and a leech.

He's like a bad habit to you, that you can't give up.

There is the alternative...to tell him to fuck off!

Is this a joke? Have you read back what you've written?

Why would you even consider getting back with him?! You are his safety net so he always has somewhere to go between these other women. Don't let him treat you like a mug!

Is this a joke? Have you read back what you've written?

Why would you even consider getting back with him?! You are his safety net so he always has somewhere to go between these other women. Don't let him treat you like a mug!

BTW I wasn't actually joking about the sperm bank if you do want kids. The way I see it you take him back it will end one of two ways

• he will piss away your remaining fertile years, leaving you childless and beating yourself up about giving up the chance to have kids

• you will have kids, he will treat you like crap, your self esteem will get lower than it is now, you'll have a nasty split and will have to spend the rest of your children's childhoods dealing with the dickhead.

Really, a sperm bank has much to recommend it.

All are reasons to divorce this man but 12 is beyond the pale.

DO NOT take him back.

Someone else WILL love you

He doesn't respect you. He must be laughing every night that he can fuck other women and then come "home" whenever they want a grown up relationship

You would be an idiot to take this man back. Again.

He doesn't care. He just wants an easy ride. Men who care about you treat you with love and respect, they don't tell you you are too fat and cheat on you.

He has told you he isn't physically attracted to you nor does he have any emotional attachment to you after 15 YEARS together.

You are an easy lay. That is all.

OMG you need counselling and quick.

What exactly makes you want him back? Good in bed? Loads of money? What? Be honest with yourself if not us.

After reading all the advice you've received, if I were you, I'd get the locks changed, sign up for the gym/walking/book/painting club - whatever floats your boat, and spend some time on finding what interests me outside of him and my job. And you'd get to meet different people.

Do you like your house/security/stability? Cos if you marry him, there's a chance that it'll have to be sold when it hits the wall, and that's your financial stability buggered ...