Toad's Solicitor phoned me at home unannounced after hours this evening

[Karenthetoadslayer]

I thought this would call for a new thread.

As I was preparing the children's dinner, the phone rang and guess who it was? Toad's solicitor, to have a chat about contact.

I am a friendly and polite person, also was in shock, so I complied and explained to him the children's views on their father.

DS thought I was 'cool'. .

You never know what will happen at the moment.

Have you been to Women's Aid? Your children can, in certain circumstances, be made party to legal action and would then have the right to be represented or have a guardian ad item. Your DS is more than old enough to explain cogently what he whats and why.
But first thing is to get non mol extended. Is Toad allowed letter contact? You really need someone on your side here, please, please contact WA and get a legal aid solicitor. Or phone children's legal centre tomorrow
0808 802 0008

Toad is allowed letter contact.

He has until 14th to agree to extend the orders.

I have to find out more about the children's right to be represented.

Thank you dunfightin this is very helpful.

Done with WA - they refuse to help, as I am not in imminent danger.

What strikes me about all your recent threads is that Toad is behaving badly and even breaking laws and yet no one is stopping you.

This is damaging you too much. It needs to stop. You're bring amazing but no one should have to live like this.

I think you need expert legal representation. I know money is a massive issue but you need a solicitor who is going to take charge, and shape the situation, not stand by and let this abusive man persecute and damage you and your children.

I don't have any clever ideas but I'm wondering if someone else does?

(when I had to deal with an incredibly complex visa application based around the European ct of human rights, I tried to do it via legal aid and other cheaper solicitors, and got into a right pickle. It was awful. I ended up going to a absolutely kick ass specialist company and their expertise put together a proper case immediately and also took a fraction of the time (& good as they bill per hr). They also gave a discount as was an 'interesting' case.

Do you know a bloody good lawyer? Is the only thing stopping you using them lack of funds?

Just sometimes you need to dangle some rope,

sufficient enough for them to...

whatever the cliche is.

KOKO Karen.

Interesting misc did you find the firm because of it's specialisation? How would you go about doing that? karen re financing a lawyer, is there any way you can approach it as the children's issue/lives rather than yours alone, and get someone to take it up on your behalf? No clever ideas here, I'm afraid.

Right. Toad has no time for my boring settlement offer. He is not interested. Why would he take me seriously?

Off to court we go.

Christ, is this bastard ever overdue his comeuppance. The way you and your kids have to live. It is making my blood boil. He has to agree to have the non mol extended?? It should be extended automatically, and in perpetuity, like until the fucker dies.

When I was divorced I had quite an adversarial solicitor, but he never harrassed me. He needs reporting to the Law Society. I wish you could just pack up and take the kids back to Germany, and vanish.

Please don't give up on trying to get help. KOKO

He doesn't have to agree, but it would save the costs for reapplying. If I have to go to court about the extension of the orders and waste court time, he will have to pay costs, I am sure, as there is no way he can move back in. Nothing has changed and he has not seen the children for a year.

But it looks as though I am having to go down that route.

Printing off his emails now and preparing the application.

Karen, my friend had the children represented separately from her. Her ex & his appalling family took that to mean that she agreed with them that her behaviour was unreasonable oh yes she tried to kill him and the children but she said to me it was the only way she could afford to fight for what the children themselves wanted. THe Court appoints a sol & barrister independent of both father and mother.

BTW, my comment re DV was sarcastic. My friend's ex was violent on several occasions & towards the children as well. But his family thought my friend was delusional. I, OTOH, saw the bruises.

Amazing how money & privilege make you blind, isn't it?

Karen your situation takes me back to a very horrible place in my life. It took me 7 years to gather the strength to take my exh to court to sort everything out. I ended up with leave of jurisdiction, residency and an anti-molestation order. Circumstances were slightly different and there was also a contact order in place. First Christmas after court we were living in Germany. The exh was supposed to pick our son up. Did he bother? Did he heck.

I know in the midst of it it is extremely stressful and makes you feel like you are permanently on edge and anxious but believe me you and your lovely children are worth every anxious moment.

I would not wish this on anyone and if I could help in any practical way I could. wish I had a few thousand spare

Don't worry, everyone, I will KOKTA (keep on kicking Toad's arse) all by myself if I have to.

Definitely try Children's Legal Centre to see if they can get representation - your DS should be able to make a very good case for that given his age. And if when you do get to court and it becomes extremely complicated given nationality, employment issue, house, finances etc, etc and if you feel Toad's sol is running rings around you, then you can and will get some help in having the legal bits explained if you are self-repping.
There are trainee barristers who do pro bono work and some qualified if the case is interesting, which yours in all it's slimy toadish complexity certainly seems to be.

Just checking in to see how you are. I'm so glad other posters have good advice to offer you. All I can say is the equivalent of 'OMG, hun, he DIDN'T!'

How're you all doing? Hope you've had a peaceful and quiet time, without too much bullshit crap from Toad or his silly legal team.

Hanging in there, thank you everybody.

to you. KOKO. I do think of you every day and hope there's room for a little joy for you each day.

Thinking of you, K.

Thank you, Jux and Phase

For now we have a safe roof over our heads - our own home, until it is sold.

This has been sorted, but it was hard work.

After this, god knows.

The plan is now to

• Make an application under Schedule 1 Children's Act regarding funding for the children.

• Followed by / at the same time an application for leave to remove the children from the jurisdiction, but securing maintenance and a housing contribution.

This seems the only way forward. As lovely as this country is, I prefer to be as far away as possible from the native Toad species that populates this Island.

I quite understand and won't take it personally! You can be as rude as you like about Brits!

Nothing wring with the Brits Jux

But the ocean or at least the English Channel between Toad and us would be nice.

I suppose being a 'forrin' single mum is not much fun anywhere. However, most people think we are tourists, when we are out and about and are very kind friendly and wish us a nice time in England. Which is of course not what we are currently having. But then again this can happen anywhere in the world. It's just that this country is an especially bad place in Europe for children when their parents are not married. Their father can evict them from their home and would not hesitate to do this. Even if they have nowhere to go. Without legal representation the DCs and I would have been homeless by the end of next week.

It is seriously disgusting, Karen. There is so much wrong with our justice system which needs to be pared back to basics with victims and the vulnerable at the heart of it. Centuries of laws made by the rich and powerful (men of course) have resulted in a system of inherent injustice. How we deal with that is anyone's guess. And it's still laws made by the rich and powerful (at least now it's only mainly men).

At one point I thought the next stage of evolution for the human race would be the development of an inbuilt social conscience. Now I seem to have lost that sort of faith .

It is seriously disgusting and I have just had it. All this messing around and emailing, still insisting he has not done anything wrong, and 'he never knew I had a problem his behaviour or with not having my name on the house and not getting married' - I have had a more than miserable time in the last fifteen years and he wishes for this to continue. He offers me a measly settlement on condition that I will stay in the UK until the children are grown up and does not even want to contribute the minimum to enable us to be able to afford to remain here and he has also made me redundant, refuses to give me a reference to ensure that I will not get another job. So he wants us to live in poverty and continue to live in misery as before, just out of spite and at the same time force us to remain in the country. He has got to be fucking joking.