Toad's Solicitor phoned me at home unannounced after hours this evening

[Karenthetoadslayer]

I thought this would call for a new thread.

As I was preparing the children's dinner, the phone rang and guess who it was? Toad's solicitor, to have a chat about contact.

I am a friendly and polite person, also was in shock, so I complied and explained to him the children's views on their father.

DS thought I was 'cool'. .

You never know what will happen at the moment.

Hi b.......g

Sort of, thank you!

It's half term and Toad has put the house on the market. I am so glad that I got DD's school application in still for our catchment school, so she will still be registered here by October 31st. Not that Toad cared.

I informed him that it is a breach of the peace to send estate agents round without notice and to try again next week.

He has now lost interest in repairs and decorating and is just wanting to sell the house now. Again, all that fuss for nothing.

So the house is on the market and soon you will move, but that's okay because school will be unaffected? And then his only excuse to contact you will be gone. Hope you are bearing up.

Are you ready to put the house on the market? If you're on the mortgage he can't sell without your agreement...

She is not on the mortgage. He stitched her up good and proper.

Oh KB, he is truly the Toad of Toads.

Have things moved on enough for you to investigate legal aid? I am not sure he can really just sell the house under you. Can you ask your Council's housing department for help or advice as you are likely to be made homeless with 2 children?

I had a dream last night about an enormous toad in my (fictional) holiday home. Like, a toad as big as a cat. Urgh. I couldn't get it to leave.

How are you?

Have you got an email or anything in writing to prove that he's trying to sell the house that his children are currently living in?

Not going to look too good for him in court, is it?

KOKO

sorry Phase you are a true friend.

I tried my best to ignore Toad and we went away for a few days - great to get a break. Back now and getting the house ready for sale, I suppose.

Wow, he truly is THE King of Toads! I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.

Isn't it just fucking insane that you are not British, your children are not British, your children do not wish to see Toad, and yet you are forced to live apart from the rest of your family (depriving you of your right to family life, maybe? When you consider people avoid being deported for far more tenuous reasons - well, if you believe the DM anyway...), and worst of all, you are entitled to sweet FA in terms of help or legal support to help you deal with this! Incredible.

You are fucking awesome, you know that, right?

Shame children can't apply to 'divorce' parents here, that would free you from him (not seriously suggesting you would put your kids through the stress of that btw).

What does he actually think is going to happen with his kids, in the future? That he will get contact and they will fall lovingly into his arms? That when they turn 16 they will beg to live with him? That they will be oblivious to how he has treated their mother?

I would be very tempted to call his bluff and announce you are moving home and the kids are his responsibility from now on. Send a long list of stuff that has to be done for them and when, and a breakdown of costs. He'd run a mile as fast as he could, I suspect!

The non mol covers the kids too. Sad but true. He is not allowed near the kids.

TBH, it is a relief to read that he's not allowed near the children, though it is sad that it was necessary to make that order. It really is so illogical that none of you are technically British, that he's not allowed near any of you, and yet he can make it so hard for you to go home. Sometimes the law really is an ass.

I wish there were a practical way to help you, but there isn't, short of very quickly becoming an expert of international family law and whatever other legal aspects are involved. Hmmm, now I could bone up on physics, build a time machine and then bingo!

Glad you had a couple of days away. Hope the rest of the weekend is fun.

Hi Jux (back to your old self .

Toad has written creepy letters to the children now, arrived today.

He gave our home address as his address and his opening line was that it's nearly November now (when the orders expire). DS has immediately spotted this and this has completely freaked him out. What a creep!

Also, of course, he is by default not getting near the children: when we are out, they are with me and he is not allowed near me.

Until the end of the month, but we are going to apply to renew the orders, of course. I am not very clear today. The way he worded the opening line in his letters was a veiled thread that he will be back.

Kids too scared to go past the front door again.

Been reading & admiring. A friend of mine in a similar situation - ex-H stalking her & the children. She has a restraint order out against him, but the children periodically refuse to leave the house when they've seen him hanging round their schools. She has a police number to ring, and rings it to log every time he breaks the order, or threatens to. CAFCASS file several inches thick ...

The children were getting to the age when their wishes were taken into account (from about 11 if I remember properly) and this is taken seriously - by the courts & police if not their scumbag of a lowlife father. They are both so damaged however hard my friend works to keep their life with her stable and nurturing. She's extraordinary, as are the many many women who do this in the face of male fuckwittery.

So your children's wishes should be recorded and listened to.

Good luck

It's awful upthechimney. As soon as it gets dark, DD asks me to take her to the loo in her own home and I have to go and take a look first. I have to leave all the lights on. Of course she won't be left by herself upstairs at night. DS doesn't dare to catch a bus. I have to walk DD into school every day and pick her up from reception. The police advised she should have her phone on her all the time and of course DS too. DS has to wait for me within the school grounds and if there is a tennis match and they get dropped off, the coach waits with him until I am there. And so on ...

Oh for Christ's sake. I am so so sorry, KB. Your poor children. I am appalled that he gets away with it. Can CAFCASS, SS, the police, anyone not stop him? it is almost worth taking out a contract on him; if anyone deserves it, he does.

Do you have any details, Jux?

In practical terms, I have ordered a moving pack, started de cluttering and made quite some progress this weekend.

Not to hand, KB, but I'll put the word out and see what comes up

Do you want to move now?

Only if Toad signs on the dotted line, phase.

Going to pm you op

God, I so wish I was an amazing family lawyer who could just tie him up in proceedings while you live your life! I would love to show him due fucking process, I tell you.

He has instructed his solicitor to harass me as much as possible.

Worst case I will have to apply to have the orders extended. What does he expect? That he can move back in? That he can have access?